Whew..this is still tough....

[tmills0011607306452]

Well, I finnally cleared out of the apartment yesterday. I had to interact with the ex, since she needed to help with the responsibilities as well. She calls me telling me that she was on her way. I acted cheery and happy and her tone changed from a non caring to a solom voice explaining that I didn't have to put up that front. I explained "What Front!" Everything was fine!

 

Well, upon her arrival, she looked into my general direction and we really didn't say a word to me. In passing in the hallway, she gave me a very an intimate-like hug. I recipricated and then I pulled away. We still didn't say much of anything to each other. I helped her the best I could by finishing packing and loading her stuff into her car. There were many moment when she would stand way close in my personnal space, that everyone knows is reserved for loved ones, as if to sense what I was feeling. It's amazing how her tone from the last few weeks turned from hate to all of the sudden caring. Before she would treat me horribly, and play on my emotions. Now she was sympathetic. I asked her to leave so I could finish cleaning the apartment, and she gave me another long hug and told me that we will be friends, and that she would call me in the future and that she was sorry. In some way that gave me hope, but I know better. I need to heal before I get into another relationship, or try a friendship with her.

 

I'm not asking for hope, because that would not be good for me now, but would anyone care to explain what would be going through her head? Is this some sense of feeling sorry for me or is it some form of missing me? Bottom line, I won't call her or contact her for some time or maybe never again. I still have to sort through all of my feelings still. Any thoughts? Just look for my other threads to get a little insight of what's going on.

[dave_1966]

I've been reading your posts with interest, and you should bear in mind the following. 3 months ago my younger gf of 3 years dumped me. . This was, as you can imagine, torture. She almost immediately afterwards called to say hello, to which I said why are you calling? She replied 'I'm calling as a friend'. I told her not to be so patronising and put the phone down on her. I only wish I'd never accepted another call off her again. This culminated in a call last week where she phoned up and said "I miss you and love you, but I've been sleeping with this builder for the last month I met at the bar where I work. Everytime I'm with him I keep thinking of you......" A strange kind of compliment, don't you think? This has f**ked me up almost as bad as when she actually dumped me. So, what I would say to you is the following. Your relationship didn't work out for whatever reason. DON'T harbour false hope that if you keep in touch as "friends" it may work out again, it won't. Don't call her under ANY circumstances. Don't accept calls from her either unless you want to prolong your agony. Do you think real friends would treat you like this? If you follow my hard earned advice you

will be completely over this in, say, 3 months. It will also mean that you don't miss opportunities with other women, because you're affectively waiting for this girl to come back to you. If my ex had not kept calling me, I may have just had fond memories of her by now. Because she called last week my last memories of her will be of her underneath some grunting builder she met in a bar. Do yourself a big favour dude, CUT ALL TIES.

[tmills0011607306452]

Thanks for your reply! Yeah, I figured as much. Since my last post, she called about three times asking about car stereo stuff (Since I used to do that as a hobby a while ago) She asked me what would sound good in her car and if I would help her out installing it ect. I acted as if my phone was loosing its signal, and never really finished the conversation. So we'll see how many messages I'll have on my voicemail when I get out of work... I know there will be. One thing's fore sure... I won't be calling her back.

 

Well, she has missed out on a very passionate, culturally rich and adventurous person. She chose a friend group who would rather drink in a military dorm environment than enjoy real life. (Military dorms are like the college dorm environment.)

 

Even though the world seems a little dim for me now, I'm striving to push past my boundaries. I will be a better person, not that stereotype that she has labeled me in previous posts that I have mentioned. She can keep making excuses of why she has done what she did, and I hope that one day when she realizes all that she gave me up for to what she is into now, the pain will be comparable to mine.... And in the end... I hope she will end up as I had found her.. Alone and isolated. I now see this cycle in her and I know it will happen.

 

I just cannot believe that she told me a few weeks ago that I am not as deep as I portray myself as! I'm sorry, anyone who is deeply passionate in what they do is considered deep.

 

Sorry for the rant!

[dave_1966]

Don't apologise for ranting, you really need to rant when this happens....I've had a great rant on this site! Just don't let her keep calling you, she's probably only doing it for selfish reasons. Honestly, it sounds so similar to my situation. Get on with YOUR life, don't concern yourself with hers anymore.

 

Good luck....and be strong.