Does loneliness come with my personality?

[jujigatame]

I'm really thankful for this website because there's something I need to get off my shoulders. I want people to hear it and maybe give me some encouragement.

 

I seem to get lonelier and lonelier with each passing day. I think the root of this is based on my personality: I'm not afraid to say that I think I'm gifted in just about every area. I'm precociously smart, I relate well to just about everyone I meet, I try my hardest not to put anyone down, I empathize well, and I'm a deep thinker who cares about, above all, living life to the fullest. Many adults have met me and my parents tell me later that they say things like "Wow, he's an amazing kid" or "I was really taken aback by the way he acted." I think I'm just far more mature than most of my fellow high schoolers. I feel like I'm bragging by saying all this, but it's not just some delusion of grandeur. It's based on real feedback I get from all kinds of people.

 

The problem I have is this: On the surface, it seems like everyone loves me. I've been told by just about everyone in my debate class (including the teacher) that I make every day memorable. People laugh at my jokes. My friends appereciate my uniqueness. I get tons of attention for the things I do well, even from total strangers. Everyone seems to know my name. But I feel empty! It's this sense that I get whenever I'm alone. I hate it when I get left alone at home because this feeling wells up inside me that's so bad I start crying. A while ago I sat there crying with the phone in my hand... I wanted to call someone, anyone, just to talk, but I couldn't do it. I've tried to tell my friends about some of the things I think about, but they just shy away and don't want to talk about them. I have a lot of spiritual and philosophical ideas that I never talk about because people don't understand them. And also, I've been betrayed by my friends before in situations that demand sensitivity. Earlier this year I was in the hospital with depression. I told my closest friends about it, telling them to keep it a secret, but they just spread it everywhere. I had to come up with this BS story to cover it up. When I confronted them about it, nobody owned up.

 

I just don't have any real trust in my life. I intimidate people tremendously. I hate it! I want people to be more than just surface-level friends with me, but I never seem to be able to get past that. Of course, it's the same with girls, too, which is even worse. Your girlfriend is supposed to be the person with whom you share the most. This is why I keep sticking my neck on the chopping block trying to meet more girls. But every time, I get brushed off. And it's almost always for some jerk! These are the same girls that laugh at my jokes and compliment me on everything! I wish I could hit some of them!

 

I just seem to be stuck in a rut. It seems like the more I try to deepen my friendships and make contact with girls in hopes of a trusting relationship, I get my fingers burned. All I can do is try again, but to what end? My junior year is coming to an end surprisingly soon, and then it'll be summer. School will be out and thus my only real way of meeting new people will be unavailable. I need help! I'm getting dangerously close to being an adult (at least legally), and I'm afraid I'm going to look back on my adolescence with a sour taste in my mouth. I've felt miserable inside for the last couple of years now. At first glance, I appear to be totally pleased with life. But inside, I feel like my soul is being ripped to shreds! More than _anything_ I want someone to be close to, but all I get is disappointment. RRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Sorry.

 

Thanks for reading this. I really appreciate it. I know it's hard to read a long post on someone else's problems, especially when they're based more on a general feeling than a concrete chain of events. I hope that maybe someone can identify with the way I feel and give me a word or two of encouragement. Again, I sincerely, deeply appreciate any time you all spend reading and responding to this. Thanks. Really, thanks.

[Lisa216]

WOW - great post. I like how you express yourself. You remind me very much of myself in high school. I was very lonely and isolated and all my relationships with people seemed to be superficial.

 

Maybe the next time you're in class, the lunch room, etc., take a look around at some new faces and meet some new people. It sounds like the friends you have now aren't very good when it comes needing a shoulder to lean on. I know, some friends are like that. Some of them are just fun to hang out with but others times you need something more. I think its important to keep reaching out to people so don't give up even though it may seem hopeless sometimes.

 

I understand about the depression thing. I've been taking anti-depressants since I was 12. It's hard, even when you are on medication. I know the loneliness makes it even worse. My parents are workaholics so I know what its like to be alone a lot.

 

I was alone for many years without a boyfriend but I finally found someone special. You will too. Keep your eyes open. I bet there are girls (and guys) all over your school that feel the same way you do. You just have to find them.

 

Until then, feel free to talk to me. You sound like a very nice and mature guy. Feel free to email me anytime you feel lonely.

 

email removed

 

p.s. - I hope this helped a little bit.

[michaelc20021607306449]

I see alot of you in me and when I was at school and in adult life it has followed me around. I really never really find anyone who I can really confide in, apart from one mate I've know for years.

 

I think there are two issue that are creating your loneliness...Just some ideas...

 

First: Most people are not deep thinkers, they might think about simple things but not deep issues. When you are very cerebral you become facinated in deep thinking and that becomes your world everything else seem too mundane. i.e. everyday talk. I suffer from thinking too much about spirtual things and this has had an alienating effect as it very serious and it not what most people talk about. Thinking is serious. Most people just dont think too much and they just want to have fun and

have a laugh. However I have found spirtually involved people are cool to talk to their soul are very evolved and they are very loving and understanding. I spoke to a Reiki healer the other day and it was one of the most amazing conversation that I ever had. I never felt more understood all my life and she was totally amazed at how much I knew about the spirtual life.

 

I guess what I saying is that you need some friend for having fun, some for confiding in i.e. the spirtual evolved people who are drawn to healing practices are a good bet. They usually work with crystal, light and universal energy. To work in these field those people are already very understanding. Still human but have the personality trait that you might be looking for in a good friend.

 

 

Second: Not enjoying your own company. I dont like being alone etc

That a tough one...I hate being alone. Either confront you fears of being alone and spend a week just looking inwards. kind of works...Or get invloved in something which invovlves other people. Can be useful.

Personal I would avoid doing activities that are compound the problem.

When I was in my teens I would spend all my time on my computer and

that proabably did me no good but did keep me busy. Tackle you problem early and they wont be such a problem later.

 

You might be so mature that you find it difficult to relate to other people.

I know I did I was always really ahead of my age, far to serious and now the funny thing I'm regressing to a kid and I'm in my thirties!!

 

Hope that helps, if not send a message and I can try to give some other pointers!

[sisterlynch]

I have read your posts before and think that you are a sweet and interesting guy, of couse I am also older and not trying to fit in with the cool or popular kids like some of your so called friends. Get a job over the summer and work with the handicapped or disabled. I bet that would make you feel good and break down some of the barriers you've been facing. It really only takes one special person to get rid of the emptiness that you are feeling, keep turning over stones and kissing toads and before too long you'll find your princess!

 

 

I bet you'd have fun working at a newspaper or some place where the people are also intelligent and hard working like yourself!

 

Try student body work, even if you aren't the president, you'll be able to meet new people.

[JohnDoe]

Hey, I'm not sure if you read my post or not, but I seem to be in a situation similar to the one that you are situated in. Trust me, what you submitted as a post is in no way seen by me as bragging or anything close to it. In my post, I as well tried to not make it sound like I was bragging, as that was in no way my intent, but some members exaggerated my words and made it seem like I was.

 

In my situation, I fourunately don't have the depression of sorts that you seem to have. Just hang in there and try not to talk over the top of peoples heads. Although you may be more so learned, mature and experienced than others in your school, you must try to display this in a subtle and obscure way. This is especiallt important when it comes to girls. It may be alright for other guys to think that you are quite intelligent, but at the same time, you don't want to make your intelligence make any girl you're with feel like an idoit.

 

Hope this helps.

[popeye]

no, loneliness does not come with personality, but comes with timing (believe it or not, it does). You are in search of that "close" (or even "best") friend who could see and share the same light as you do. The unfortunate thing is that finding this "true" friend is very rare these days given today's society, so it's not your fault. It might take some time, but don't give up searching and finding this true friend of your lifetime. It might take up to 10 years to find one. Just remain true to yourself. Good luck.