Who is the dumper?

[brokenheart311]

After a particularly rough patch in our relationship things ended.

 

We had just gone on a road trip for the weekend and it didn't go well, we didn't fight, but I got a whole lot of silent treatment for no apparent reason. When we got back to her place I just brought her bags in and said "see ya later" and went home to go to bed. I didn't want to stay and talk because I was more than likely gonna dump her after the 4 hour car trip with very little talking. I didn't want to break up so as to not let my state of mind sabotage me I just left.

 

The next day I made the decision that I was gonna have a serious talk about where we were headed and if things didn't change (random silent treatments, comments about my lack of money) then things would end. I go over to her house and she's not there, I try calling and no answer. At this point I go home and shower (I had been mowing yards trying to get some money) and then check FB. Find out I was deleted as a friend. I took this as being dumped. I tried calling again, no answer.

 

A few hours later I drop by her house again and she's outside watering plants. I get out of my car and she doesn't even look at me. So I stand there for a minute and ten the following conversation takes place;

 

Me: What's going on?

Her: I'm watering my plants

Me: Ok, well how has your day been?

Her: (still not looking at me) Fine!

Me: Ok if this is how it's gonna be then I guess you need to take a break from watering so I can my key back and here's yours.

Her: (throws down water hose and stomps toward front door, I follow) You wait out here!

Me (after she comes back out and gives me my key, she still won't look at me) So what went wrong?

Her: I don't want to argue about this!

Me: who's arguing? I just want to find out what went wrong.

Her: despite everything we have in common I guess we just fizzled out. That trip was terrible.

Me: I agree the trip was terrible, you would hardly talk to me.

Her: When you left last night and just said "see ya later" i made my decision and it's final.

Me: Ok then, I was nice knowing you for a few months. (then I left, didn't look back)

 

I wrote another thread a month ago detailing why I thought things fizzled out and I accept responsibility to for what I did wrong.

 

Right after all of this I considered myself the dumpee (via her deleting me on FB). However in the past few days my mom and my brother feel as though I dumped her the moment I asked for my key back and the FB deletion was just a poor attempt of her telling me she's pissed. Her backtracking to her decision being final was just her trying to minimize her helplessness in the moment.

 

So, given the facts, and these are the facts I have a very good memory especially when it comes to life altering conversations, who is the dumper her or me?

 

Now you might be wondering why this is important. This is important to me because if I am the dumper then I have to take to step of swallowing my pride and apologizing for the breakup if I ever want a chance to recapture what we had before things went sour.

 

Thanks

[RedDress]

It was mutual. With a whole lot of miscommunication. I don't think there was a dumper and a dumpee.

 

She deleted you from FB. I can see where you'd think this was a break-up. It could have been a break-up. It could have been anger. Who knows. You asked for your key. Ultimately, if she didn't want to break up, she could have argued you on it.

 

I think it was mutual and I DON'T think it's important who was the dumper or the dumpee. Do you want to be with her? Have you expressed this to her? I think you should do that - regardless of whose fault it is.

[DN]

Her: When you left last night and just said "see ya later" i made my decision and it's final.

 

Looks like she did.

[brokenheart311]

Yes Reddress I do want to be with her. I just finished school and have had several job interviews since we broke up, after I get a job I plan on contacting her. I know one of the things that bothered her toward the end was my lack of ability to do things since I was working for free.

 

Also I'm going to keep fault and blame out of my language since it won;t do either of us any good. All I can do is tell her that I can see why she may have thought things were fizzling when we were at a place that we maybe would have been talking about marriage had I had the means to follow up with buying a ring.