Has anyone ever reconciled with an ex who's feeling were truly lost

[cherryberry123]

All these reconciliations seem like the dumper realizing they still had feelings, and came back saying "I made I mistake and I love you".

 

Has anyone reconciled with an ex who really did lose feelings but regained them once you reconnected after months/years? You became in touch again, hung out, and grew closer?

You always hear about once the dumper is done, they are done for good.

 

I would love to hear some stories. How long were you guys apart? How was the process?

[SapphireNoir10]

The only thing I can think of is if someone split up with you thinking the feelings were gone then after time realised they werent gone. Then reconcilation might happen.

 

but generally I never hear of it. Its hard to regain feelings for someone or rekindle it away from them,

[bungalo]

All these reconciliations seem like the dumper realizing they still had feelings, and came back saying "I made I mistake and I love you".

 

Has anyone reconciled with an ex who really did lose feelings but regained them once you reconnected after months/years? You became in touch again, hung out, and grew closer?

You always hear about once the dumper is done, they are done for good.

 

I would love to hear some stories. How long were you guys apart? How was the process?

 

Hey Cherry,

 

I know what you're going through...looking for hope in other's stories. There's nothing wrong with feeling this way, I think it's normal. Both times when we reconciled, she said she really did love me...the first time we were apart for like 6 weeks, and ran into each other at church. The second time, we were apart for 5 months, and we got together for a walk in the park. I didn't think it would result in a recon....I had given up..but we started talking, and our eyes locked..and it was good again for awhile until her fear took over again. I could kick myself for not being strong enough and catering to her every need when she started suffering from anxiety..but that's the way it played out. I know she has emotional problems..maybe a personality disorder...but it doesn't matter...she ran away again. I will always believe that she truly loves me..but she can't handle the kind of love I have to offer....

[SA2000]

She broke up with me because I was not acting like a good boyfriend. We would still talk almost every day but at the time she started seeing someone else. 2 months go by and we are still talking quite a bit. I am giving her her space but staying in contact. One day I swing by her house and drop of food for her out of the blue. We play a silly game and just laugh and have fun again. She texts me the next day saying I MISS YOU!!! About a week later we start to work things out. We were on and off after that for about 6 months. It didnt last though because we still had the same problems. We know we love and miss eachother but if nothing changes, nothing changes. We now have been broken up and not really speaking for 2 weeks. Hopefully one day I will come back to this thread and be able to add more to this story. If you want to reconcile and you want it to work you have to take it slow and make sure you have addressed the problems of the past.

[TSandullo]

Feelings of being 'in love' can be recovered.

 

Does require a good amount of commitment and hard work I believe.

 

My now ex, who has once again fallen out of love with me did recover her feelings at one time.

 

When we first sort of broke up, it was after her feelings for me had died and her affections for me was more like a brother/friend etc.

 

Following that, a tumultuous year went by whereby so much happened.

At the end of all the drama, her feelings did return....only to be lost again around Christmas time in 2009.

 

Thus bringing me to ENA.

 

So cherry, feelings can return. I also believe that the feelings of being 'in love' is a continous process with peaks, pits and plateaus, varying from moment to moment.

I believe that it does take an incredble amount of commitment between two to make a relationship work, top up the 'feelings' and take care of other things.

 

For others, the meaning may be different. Once the feelings of being 'in love' are gone, it is break up time for them.

 

Each to his/her own.

 

TS

[jimmajam]

I believe if there was true love between the person feelings never completely change. There's always the exception if the person did something completely unforgivable. However, even then I bet the persons till looks back and remembers the good times from time to time.

 

So, yes I do believe feelings can come back. Just as when you love and care about someone and they piss you off, you temporarily hate that person. Your "feelings change", but you still love and care about them deep down.

 

That's how I work at least. I remember people close to me pissing me off, growing apart, whatever, but I still liked them. I still remembered the good times. Us being close again was just a matter of time and eventually talking things out and moving past it.

 

There is always hope. I hate the saying "it's a breakup because it's broke" because it completely ignores that you were together in the first place so there had to be something. Things can be fixed if both people are willing to fix them.

[bungalo]

This is so right on Jimmajam. I hate that "broken" saying too. Sometimes there is lots of love, followed by peaks and valleys....sometimes you're with someone who expects the rel/ship to be like the early romantic love phase the whole time. Ever wonder why celebrities breakup and immeadiately go to the next hot rel/ship? They are following this romantic love trap. Sometimes (my case) you are dealing with an impaired partner who keeps you off balance until you feel like you're ready to shoot yourself!

 

You are further along in the healing cycle J. I will get to the acceptance stage one day.

[sonicfan287]

I know exactly what you mean, Cherry.

 

My situation actually seems more hopeless because of the way my relatonship ended. My ex also said she only feels towards me as a brother/friend and it hurt, because I feel like there's nothing I can do about it. I also made things worse by bringing it up more times and having a couple emotional breakdowns in front of her. I feel like there's no chance shes just gonna wake up someday and say "I love him again", but that's pretty much what I have to hope for, because anything I say or do at this point is only going to make things worse. I feel like I've lost her for good, but we were so close together at one time, I find it impossible to believe it can never happen again if I straighten myself out and get back into her life someday.

 

There's always hope, but it depends on how much both people care, and in my situation at least, I feel like she doesn't care at all

[ultimateguy8]

I just want to bump this thread because I just was dumped last week and am wondering the same thing. I'm still holding onto hope that her feelings have been buried by all the stress in her life at this point in time.

[Shane Falco]

I think it could happen. I was dumped by one girlfriend and the aftermath was highly toxic to the point where I didn't talk to her for an entire year after unsuccessfully trying to get her back for a couple of months after the break. I went a year NC, ran into her randomly, she apologized, then didn't talk to her for another three months, saw her again and it was like there was a reset button on my relationship with her. The vibe, flirting, physical intimacy was like it was at the beginning. I ended up not going back, but I was getting the green light to do such a thing. I've also had ex-girlfriends from high school and college want to get together with me several years later.

 

Now is this a matter of "turning it back on" or were the feelings never turned off in the first place? I tend to think it might be the latter. I think everyone we've ever connected with emotionally/initimately leaves a mark and it never completely goes away -- just gets repressed deep down. On another note, one of my best friends just got engaged to a woman who he was broken up with for over a year before they reunited. So yeah, I guess it can happen. But it won't happen until you are over the first relationship, and first break. If you never evolve from that, you are doomed to failure.

[bw92116]

I believe that if you truly bond with someone, if you truly love them, then a little bit of that bond remains in you for the rest of your life. It can go dormant, and you might never act on it again, but you will still always remember it. Whether or not feelings are rekindled and it becomes like it once was, well that would be on a case-by-case basis and would depend on the people and on the circumstances.

[Pertsan]

I want to believe in that as well. I was dumped in very horrible way by my ex-GF, but the bottom line was that she beleives she has lost her romantic feelings towards me and had fallen in love with someone else. More background in BU section: So confused

 

At the moment I'm very angry with her and can't believe we could even think of reconciling. I know I still have very strong feelings for her though, and my love for her is still alive even after all what she did to me. I want to and will move forward but if she someday realizes she made the worst mistake of her life (she said this herself) I would like to see if she has matured and want to try again. We had too much wonderful memories and time together to be thrown away. But it needs time. A lot of it. And growing up from both parties.

[ultimateguy8]

My girlfriend at the time, 2 weeks ago told me she had lost feelings for me. We broke up last week but she claimed there wasn't another guy in the picture. Since she now sees a counselor for her stress, I feel like that had a big part in the fact that she suddenly lost feelings over the last month. I've given her her space since the break up and haven't tried to contact her in any way. I haven't even logged onto facebook to be honest. I'm hoping that this week she'll try to contact me in some way. I'll keep you posted. I wasn't feeling anger at the time so much as sadness. For the past year, she has been my best friend and my life. I realize we're both young (I just graduated college, she is still a senior in college) but we were making things work and I was willing to sacrifice a lot to stay around and be with her.

 

If she came back today claiming she made a mistake and she wanted me back I would be the happiest guy on earth. I don't believe she has lost her feelings completely but rather has them buried deep inside her stress. I'm hoping when she gets less stressed she won't have already moved on and realizes they have just been hiding. There is nothing on this earth I love more than her. She knows this. She just has to realize she loves me too, like she used to.

[PH88]

There is nothing on this earth I love more than her. She knows this. She just has to realize she loves me too, like she used to.

 

This type of thinking is detrimental to your emotional health. Its placing her on the pedestal while you ride out on your knees living false hope of her coming back. Do what you need to do to start loving yourself first, with the exception of family no one should take your place as of most importance in this world. If you decide to take the route of waiting for her to make a mistake and come crawling back, that's your choice, as long as you are willing to give up valuable life time and opportunities in the process, and that is assuming she will ever come back(that is an assumption btw).

 

I'm in the same situation as you, mine broke up with me 2 months ago. I had the exact same thought process as you do, however as time passed I found that she is the only one that will make that decision, and if I just stand there waiting for her to make the move in order to make me happy, then I have lost(especially in the case of getting back together). Concentrate on yourself and let go. And if that possibility of reconciliation arises, whether it is going to actually happen or not, you are in a much better place and who knows, you may not want her back or have found someone better. Never assume that they will at some point have an epiphany and come back weeping, because you never know what they are actually thinking. Its not worth waiting for.

[AC Slater]

She just has to realize she loves me too, like she used to.

 

whoawhoawhoa do not EVER let yourself think like this. As ph88 has already said, this is quite possibly the worst frame of mind to have in regards to your breakup. It's extremely detrimental. She broke up with you and therefore doesn't want to be with you, it's a clear line here. She broke up with you because she DOESN'T love you like she used to. External factors have nothing to do with it, if she still had feelings for you she would want you around to help her with these external factors. See what i'm saying? She isn't going to risk losing you forever by dumping you to handle some "stress" especially if she still has feelings for you. You're b/u is very fresh so i guess these thoughts are normal but you can't cling onto them. Everything will clear up sooner than later and you'll be able to see it in a relatively more objective way - that she truly doesn't feel the same way about you as you do for her. There's nothing you can do. I know this is blunt and i don't wanna seem like i'm jumping down your throat but that line disturbed me, and what i've said is what everyone who's recently been dumped NEEDS to hear because it's the 100% truth, and understanding it is the only way you'll make progress in terms of healing and bettering yourself..

[Batya33]

I don't think about it as "losing feelings" - I think about it as feelings changing or circumstances changing but it's not a passive "loss" as that phrase implies. I was the one who originally pulled the trigger although I can also look at our first break up as mutual. We each moved on and when we reconnected almost 8 years later sparks flew and despite geographic obstacles (plus getting over the fears and concerns that it wouldn't work the second time) and we chose to act on those sparks, to maintain and grow our love and relationship again and we were both so surprised (understatement) that we gave it a second chance. We've been married almost 4 years!

[Jake_hope]

This thread asked " Has anyone ever reconciled with an ex who's feeling were truly lost" and it doesn't seem like someone who actually reconciled with their ex actually made a post in this thread. The two reason for this is:

 

1) Most relationship don't end up with people getting back together.

2) The people that did reconciled with their ex, are not on this website no more.

 

I am not sure if the OP asked this question for false hope or what but this thread seems to have people opinion on what "could" happen and people who are in a similar situation and posting here to try to find some hope that their ex will return because they said "my feelings are lost for you". Someone else's success in reconcile is just false hope for your own situation and it will just make the healing process harder.

 

I am not trying to be mean or anything but I think the best course of action now is stop hoping for what this thread is asking, work on yourself and only time will tell.

[ultimateguy8]

I understand what you all are saying and maybe that all came out wrong - I was in a rush. Obviously I still have strong feelings for her and I know at this time she doesn't feel the same. Perhaps the external factors such as stress are too great for her to be in a relationship though? I'm just rationalizing. I'm also beginning to see things more clearly now with the no contact and am starting to move on without her and try to become interested in other girls. It's so hard to though and honestly at this point in time, I couldn't bear the idea of her with another guy. She said there was no one though so maybe she is just trying to sort out all of her issues. I'm not going to contact her for 2 months unless she contacts me and then we will see what happens. If nothing, then I'll be forced to move on. Her loss.