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Caught wife cheating with another woman


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Greetings all,

 

I'm a newbie here and just wanted to ask for advice as I'm so confused I don't know what to do.

 

About 5AM this morning I discovered that my wife is carrying on a affair with another woman.

 

The way I found out is I just happened to be awake around 12:30AM this morning when she received a text on her phone. I didn't think anything of it until we woke up a few hours later. She went in to grab a shower and I started thinking about that text & wondering who in the hell would be texting her at that time of the morning. Well my curiosity got the better of me so I looked. The text was from her lover but it was innocent enough but made me suspicious so I checked her inbox and the word shocked doesn't even begin to describe how I felt.

 

Without going into detail I'll just say the messages I saw left no doubt she's carrying on a affair with this woman. The only question is for how long. The big problem is I could not confront her with this as she was getting ready to leave for a 3 day business trip and I have to suffer alone thinking about what I know until she get's back.

 

For at least the past 2 months I've known something was wrong because she's been acting very different. Cold towards me and not interested

at all in things she used to love. Like our new home, our animals even our daughter has been getting ignored by her.

 

I attributed her sudden behavior change to a job promotion that put a lot of stress on her. Also we moved around the same time and I just figured it was everything at once causing the uncharacteristic behavior she was exhibiting but after this morning I know better.

 

Question is what should I do? Of course I want to talk to her about this but to be honest I don't know how I really feel. Anger for sure but every emotion at once is bouncing around in my head. One minute I want to pack up her belongings and toss them out in the yard and the next I want to give her a chance and try family/marriage counseling.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated as this has knocked me cold. In my wildest nightmares I wouldn't dream my once loving wife would do something like this to me and our family

 

Thanks in advance

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Are you sure she is going on a business trip and not away with this woman?

 

Im sorry you are going through this. Infidelity tears a strip out of your heart.......just look out for yourself right now.....eat and get sleep.

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Thanks.

 

No Iceman26 I sure don't know her. She works with her but I've never met her before.

 

It might be time to call your wife's human resources department and advise them of what is going on in their workplace. Many companies take swift action on this type of extramarital behavior, especially if done on company time and using company property (company cell phone text messages, emails) which is highly likely given that its a co-worker.

 

Did you forward the evidence to your cell phone? I am asking because cheaters are so often in denial and you will want to have that evidence handy.

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No, I sure didn't forward the text's or emails. Was so shocked at the time I didn't even think of doing that but if the chance presents itself again I'll be sure to do it. Good idea about notifying her HR dept but her lover works in the HR dept so that's probably not the best route to take.

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It might be time to call your wife's human resources department and advise them of what is going on in their workplace. Many companies take swift action on this type of extramarital behavior, especially if done on company time and using company property (company cell phone text messages, emails) which is highly likely given that its a co-worker.

 

Did you forward the evidence to your cell phone? I am asking because cheaters are so often in denial and you will want to have that evidence handy.

I wouldn't go that route unless he's certain he wants a divorce. Reconciliation after getting your wife possibly fired might prove difficult.

 

I really don't know what causes people to seemingly change sexual orientation but it seems to me that women have a stronger proclivity to be bisexual. Maybe she always has been one or has always been lesbian and just trying to live the "normal" life. If she's a lesbian I can definitely see her becoming dissatisfied with her sex life.

 

So, if you still love her, I would confront her about this (try to be cool) and say you want to see if you can work it out with counselling. Maybe she'll just flat out say she's a lesbian and isn't interested in keeping up the lie.

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Yeah, I'm not certain of anything right now so probably just going to sit tight until she comes home so we can talk this out and figure out what route to take.

 

I don't think she's a lesbian or at least never was before but now I just don't know. That's something we'll have to talk over. Even after this I do still love her so I'm leaning towards counselling right now.

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So they work together, shes having an affair and its with someone from the same company?

 

So again, is she travelling with this woman?

 

I personally cannot hold things in, so I would be on the phone with her asking who the eff that chick is. That way, if she is travelling with her, it would definitely ruin their party LOL......

 

But thats just me.

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Im so sorry. Our old next door neighbour had a similar situation. He was married for fifteen years to a woman who had 2 kids from a previous marrage and 2 kids with him. One day he discovered she was having an affair with another woman from work. Although he wanted to make it work once he confronted her she told him she was a lesbian and had been her whole life (confusing yes!)

 

You need to sit down and talk to her. Explain that you know, feel hurt and betrayed and want to know WHY she has begun this affair.

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Yeah, she works with her but she's not supposed to be going on the trip with her or at least that's what she told me last night before I found out what was really going on. Think I might just give her a call and ask her exactly who is going on the trip & the phone number of the hotel she's staying at.

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Thanks for the kind words everyone. I do want to talk to her and see where we stand but will have to wait a few days to do it. We've been married 8 years & together for 11 total and I don't think she's a lesbian or has ever been interested in woman at all except as a friend. I'm thinking this might be a mid-life crisis she's going through and hopefully we can resolve it. Even after this I still love her and want to work things out. I hope she feels the same way but only time will tell.

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Yeah, she works with her but she's not supposed to be going on the trip with her or at least that's what she told me last night before I found out what was really going on. Think I might just give her a call and ask her exactly who is going on the trip & the phone number of the hotel she's staying at.

 

I dont think this will get you ahead by any means? Shes not going to tell you this lady is there. She already told you that she wasnt going. But that doesnt mean it is true.

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Thanks for the kind words everyone. I do want to talk to her and see where we stand but will have to wait a few days to do it. We've been married 8 years & together for 11 total and I don't think she's a lesbian or has ever been interested in woman at all except as a friend. I'm thinking this might be a mid-life crisis she's going through and hopefully we can resolve it. Even after this I still love her and want to work things out. I hope she feels the same way but only time will tell.

 

I dont mean to worry you, I think you have the right attitude towards this all. But sometimes people truly can realise later in life they are no longer attracted too men/women or they actually are now a lesbian/gay.

 

My aunt is a lesbian and she is with a woman in her forties that was married three times to men and has two children. She is now lesbian and left her husband for my aunt.

 

Im just saying. I hope it is just a midlife crisis, and I hope you can work things out. But please just hope for the best, but maybe prepare for the worst.

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I dont think this will get you ahead by any means? Shes not going to tell you this lady is there. She already told you that she wasnt going. But that doesnt mean it is true.

 

What he could always do is call the number to this lady's work, just to see if she is in the office. If she's out of office, it could very well be she is on the trip as well.

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Welcome to ENA,

It doesn't really matter if she is cheating on you with a woman or man, it is still cheating. Go to link removed and read up on some of the information there.

I know how you feel right now and it does suck. Do not contact her employer, the other woman or confront her yet! You need to plan for the worst and hope for the best right now. This means getting information about your finances, credit cards, checking balances and savings. Start looking into your options in your state as far as divorce and adultery. Is your state a "no fault" state"

Your wife is living a fantasy with this other person while you and your child are reality. This is why she is colder to you and is ignoring your child. Your wife is becoming more and more selfish as this goes on so you must be prepared for her to say and do things you would never think she would do. Basically she is not the woman you married right now and may never be that person again. Accepting that will help you in the long run.

When she returns try and get as much proof as you can without her knowing it. Once you get more proof it will be time to decide what to do. If you want to try and work things out perhaps you should suggest to her that you noticed your marriage isn't what it should be and you would like the two of you to see a marriage counselor. If she refuses you should insist that your family is far to important to allow it to continue like it is and you want it to be stronger and more loving for all of you. This will give her the chance to end it by her choice, not because you caught her and made her end it. If it is to be real she must decide to end it as she decided to start it.

 

Your other option is to confront her with the proof. I think you will find she will not react the way you expect her to. She has changed.

 

Lost

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No, I sure didn't forward the text's or emails. Was so shocked at the time I didn't even think of doing that but if the chance presents itself again I'll be sure to do it. Good idea about notifying her HR dept but her lover works in the HR dept so that's probably not the best route to take.

 

That would be even more of a reason to contact the HR department. As someone that works in HR, trust me when I tell you that they of all people are not likely to protect someone in a situation like this.

 

I do agree with Ashtaroth though that you should speak with your wife first before contacting the HR department. You can always save that for later.

 

If you have access to you and your wife's cell phone records, now would be an excellent time to check them.

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As difficult as this may be, rather than confronting her while she is away, why not take the time to figure out a plan for yourself. Talk to a lawyer and see how you can protect yourself, your child and your financial interests in case there is a separation and divorce. Do not notify HR..this is a private matter between the two of you.

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Hi Frankenstrat,

 

Sorry you're going through this.

I wanted you to know you're not alone.

 

I'm going through the same thing with my husband.

I found text msgs. a while back and he had good excuses. I believed them all.

It's his friends gf's phone and he uses it to call me blah blah...

 

That was a month ago..

He apparently has now figured out how to delete text msgs(due to the last time I caught him) because there were days missing in between texts...

 

Yesterday after he fell asleep it got the better of me so I checked his text msgs and called the numbers he calls the most. He calls these numbers..one in particular..5Am before he starts, right after work..before bed..

 

It's a woman. Her phone went to voice mail right away.. I knew it would be. I confronted him and of course it's another of his friends gf's phone which his uses to call him. This time he became very angry that I checked his msgs.

 

Someone just wrote infidelity tears a strip off your heart and thats the best way I have ever heard it described. I feel like I'm going to throw up all the time.

 

I noticed the change in him a few years back and he's become colder.

In my 20 years of marraige I've never done anything like this. I have no idea what to do. Do I leave? Remember, he denies everything and thinks I'm now crazy.

 

One thing..Why don't people just leave if they're unhappy? Why hurt the other person? They're so selfish.

 

All the best to you.

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