Venting-trying to heal

[Allipie]

I'm just venting....I'm getting over a bad cold, so i'm stuck in bed with just my thoughts. I don't want to talk to friends, because they're sick of hearing about my situation.

 

My situation has been going on for a couple years. It all started with me going through some things (serious illness, moving), being stressed, and lashing out at him...and him going through some stress too. Our relationship was strained for sure and we just needed to talk about it-but he just shut me out. It got to the point where a lot of people got involved-people would tell me things about him, i'd get upset and want to talk; people would tell him things about me, he'd get mad, ignore me, but talk to other people about it....hence me having to hear about it again.

Here's a brief update:

 

 

Now I'm sitting here thinking about it. It's like, just when i'm starting to feel ok, something else happens that hinders the healing process.

 

I find myself still just so mad at him for not talking to me when I needed him to, but at that same time, I miss him so much and just want us to be back together and forget about all the crazy drama that has happened. Im definitely a different person now, but he won't see that because we're never around each other...and I can't exactly TELL him I'm different (actions speak louder than words). What I need to do is stop holding on to hope that he WILL come back, but there's still that incredibly small part of me that believes that one day he will, when he's ready.

 

I took a couple months off work to fix my issues (stress, depression) and am better. I've filled up my social calendar, picked up new hobbies....but it's like, there's still this hole, or void. Anytime a friend tells me they've noticed a difference and that I seem happier, I just come home and break down because the ONE person whom I really want so badly to see it, can't/won't.

 

Thanks for letting me vent.

as always, opinions, words of encouragement are welcomed.

[JusticeLaw9]

I'd love to help but without any details about the breakup it's hard to offer any insight into your situation. What happened?

[Allipie]

i sent you a PM.

[No1]

There comes a point when thinking about it and talking about it becomes counter productive. At some point you have to let it go and accept the current situation. If it has been months and you think about it every day, for hours and hours, rehashing and talking about it, still venting, typing it. Then at what point are you doing things to heal? You have said you you had to say. The questions you have in your mind are not going to be answered today. You cant change the past, so what incentive do you have for rehashing it? The only thing you can do is realize the mistakes, if any, and learn from this past relationship and dont make them in the next one. YES! There will be a next one. Even tho you might be cussing me out, there is a next one.

So, just try this okay. If you feel you must vent. Just relax. Breathe nice and deep. And let the feelings you have flow away from you. Slow your heart rate. Visualize your thoughts just leaving your body. And you will be fine. You will be okay if you dont think or talk about it. The sun will still rise and set without your X. Its just ONE person out of BILLIONS in the world. There IS someone better for you. Think positive, know there is better, work on yourself. I know your schedule is full but really work on yourself and youll be great.

[Allipie]

thanks i think it's just been on my mind more since I've been at home sick. I just gotta get back into the right frame of mind.

He wasn't worth fighting for in the first place. The way he treated me in the end wasn't very nice and I deserve to be treated better than that.

[No1]

thanks i think it's just been on my mind more since I've been at home sick. I just gotta get back into the right frame of mind.

He wasn't worth fighting for in the first place. The way he treated me in the end wasn't very nice and I deserve to be treated better than that.

 

An Idle mind is your worst enemy sometimes. If you are bored, at home with nothing to do, you sit and think and I know what its like. But I learned that once a thought or image of your X enters your mind you have about 30seconds to either get rid of the thought or your brain will want to analyze the thought and it will proccess to why the image and or thought is there.

So relax, but keep your mind busy. If your X comes into your mind, admit it is there and then let it flow out of you. Dont deny your feeling, know they are there, just learn to accept they are there, then let them leave you.

You are okay, someone is better for you out there. And you are right, he isnt worth fighting for.