LilyXX Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 I recently got married and my sister who I consider mt best friend was my maid of honour. She seemed excited and supportive. Then 2 things happened that sort of surprised me in a bad way. 1. She forgot to bring her gift to the wedding 2. The next day she gave me a very nice card and $100 from her and herself husband. Where we live you bring $100 per person minimum, even my moms friend, who is always very cheap gave us more then that. Most of our friends gave us $150-$200 per person. There are a few more "little things" that come to mind. When she got married she I gave her $400, from myself only. She did not even have a real wedding, just a reception at city hall. She also spent $170 doing her own hair and make up to look good for my wedding. I really do wonder about her... I went to great lenght to hide the fact that she was so cheap from my husband. I really do feel bad having to do that, I feel emberessed by her being so cheap. It is not about the money. Any input? Link to comment
lana111 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 well, honestly, i really wouldnt think anything of it. the important part was that she was there with you on the wedding day. i would never compare what i gave someone to what they gave me. a gift is a gift; unconditional. i totally get what your saying about her only giving half of what is expected and spending so much on hair and makeup, but maybe she thought that was more important... to look nice in all your photos. also, she can charge that... you cant charge a check. but i guess she could have charged a registry item... Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 Is your sister having financial difficulties? Sounds to me like she was possibly trying to hide her gift from others. Link to comment
rosephase Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 You are comparing notes on the money people gave you for your wedding? You are judging everyone on the cash they give you? That seems selfish and cheap to me. If you wanted everyone to give a couple hundred a head, or you would hold it against them, you should have charged for tickets. Link to comment
JusticeLaw9 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 But you got your $100 mininum. I hope you don't plan on holding your sister's feet over the fire. Have you considered the fact that she was there at your wedding and the role she's played throughout your life? Think about all of the things she's done for you and probably hasn't asked for in return. Not to invalidate your feelings about the matter. But so what if it's 50 from her and 50 from her husband. It equals to $100. She spent $170 to look her best to be there to support you on your biggest day and she still gave you something. It wasn't $400, but it's a lot more than some others would do. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 Is money really that important to you? Doesn't seem right to expect any amount of gift from anyone. Link to comment
shuttlefish Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 She's not your best friend. If she were then you wouldn't care if she gave you any money at all and would rejoice in the fact that you have a best friend that you share blood with and you've know all your life (or all her life one of the two) What close family and best friends offer to a person one cannot be counted monetarily nor would one want to. Count the stuff that money can't buy - that's what makes ya rich! Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 Is she earning a meager existence? Living paycheck to paycheck? There's nothing wrong with that, but it makes those $100'es kind of hard to come by. If she was your maid of honor, there was probably a lot of time and planning and even unknown expenses that she put into making your wedding special. And yes, that would include her own hair and makeup to look nice for your photos. I'm thinking this is about the money to you... Oh, and the last I heard from Amy Vanderbilt, you have up to a year to give a wedding gift. Link to comment
anu1560 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 Wedding is joining two people in love and not to collect gifts. Not certainly from family members. If they give something out of love, take it and be happy. If not, be happy they have been there for you. You gave money because you felt like it. Thats your way of showing your love for her. I am sure she has her own way of showing love for you. And that may not be in materialistic terms. Link to comment
-Sanguine- Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 I'd be happy to get anything. A wedding is about much more than gifts in my opinion. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 I agree with all the others, Lily, in particular Rose ¿LOL?. A wedding is about much more than gifts in my opinion. H Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 You are comparing notes on the money people gave you for your wedding? You are judging everyone on the cash they give you? That seems selfish and cheap to me. If you wanted everyone to give a couple hundred a head, or you would hold it against them, you should have charged for tickets. Is money really that important to you? Doesn't seem right to expect any amount of gift from anyone. Wedding is joining two people in love and not to collect gifts. Not certainly from family members. If they give something out of love, take it and be happy. If not, be happy they have been there for you. You gave money because you felt like it. Thats your way of showing your love for her. I am sure she has her own way of showing love for you. And that may not be in materialistic terms. I agree with these points. I think it's selfish to expect people go give you money for committing to your husband. Link to comment
konstantine Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I think it's kind of gross of you to put that much emphasis on how much money you received from each person. That's so not what it's about. Who cares about a "minimum"? People should give whatever they want and you should just be happy about it. Link to comment
AbombSnowMan Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I think the idea of a "$100 minimum" generally is stupid and you should be happy to get what you get. HOWEVER, since you gave her $400 and made her your maid of honor I think that was a cheap move on her part. Link to comment
alienas Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I dont think there is anything wrong. She could be broke...just be grateful she was there for you... Link to comment
anu1560 Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 HOWEVER, since you gave her $400 and made her your maid of honor I think that was a cheap move on her part. So weddings should be business transactions? So I give you $200, so you have to give me atleast $200. Then whats the point of having families. These kind of transactions I usually do with roommates I don't like. You know something, I would love to stay at home than go to such weddings. Because they don't want you, they just want your gifts and money. And I would actually hate to get any gifts from these kind of people. The whole idea of this wedding business transaction is cheap. So what if she made her sister her maid of honor? Link to comment
LilyXX Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 Thanks for the input. I don't think a lot of you really get what i am trying to say. I care very much about my sister, and i don't care about the money. I just get a funny feeling that she does not care about me as much as I do about her. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 If you're basing the amount of $ that she gave you on your wedding, as not caring enough for you, then I think that's wrong of you. However, she must be a very important part of your life if you made her your maid of honor. Out of curiosity, did you help you in planning your wedding? Link to comment
LilyXX Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 Just to make myself clear, there are people who gave less then $100 and I don't feel offended at all. My mom has a friend who does not have a lot of money and has 5 kids, i really did not expect anything from her. Even her gift was more then my own sisters. I feel terribly hiding things from my husband, but really, I feel embarrased. I always tell everyone how much I love my sister and how amazing she is an how smart she is. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 i don't care about the money When she got married she I gave her $400, from myself only. She did not even have a real wedding, just a reception at city hall. Just curious, what is a "real wedding"? Your initial post, Lily, gave the impression it was all about money. H Link to comment
LilyXX Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 My husband and I planned it on our own. He did most of the planning. My mom helped a little. I made my sister my maid of honour because she is my favorite person. Link to comment
LilyXX Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 Ok to make myself clear. I don't care all that much about money, at the same if I am invited to an occasion I don't believe in being cheap, expecialy when it come to people who are close to me. Giving nice gifts is way of showing how much you care. Link to comment
Scott12 Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Ok to make myself clear. I don't care all that much about money, at the same if I am invited to an occasion I don't believe in being cheap, expecialy when it come to people who are close to me. Giving nice gifts is way of showing how much you care. Lily, That's all well and good, but you have to be aware that other people view spending time together as showing how much you care, or giving small, thoughtful (rather than expensive) gifts, etc. Complaining about the amount your sister gave comes accross as rather petty. Scott Link to comment
LilyXX Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 Scott, I realize that is sounds petty, that is why I am doing it on the internet where i am anonymous. Still spending more on your own hair and make up than on a wedding gift for your only sister, I really wonder about her... Link to comment
tornbylove Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 wow.. that's an awful thing to say, I agree with the others- a wedding is certainly not about the money you receive.. And I don't know where you come from but $100 is a lot of money for most people Link to comment
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