Saw a pic of my ex and her new fling on Facebook Help!!!

[Daveyjones]

So me and my ex have been broken up for a little over 2 months now. When she left, she told me that she did not want to date anyone else. We remained in LC for the first month, and then went 2 weeks no contact after that. I broke the NC because I had to give her some important mail that came to my apt. I told her that I would leave it in the hall, but she wanted to see me face to face. She sent me mixed signals to say the least when she was over my place, and even told me to give her a call to get lunch sometime. She also told me about her new fling, (which I already knew about but was not sure) She said that they are not a couple and that they are just hanging out. Well today I was checking my messages on Facebook, and I had an old message in there from her that I have no deleted yet. That's when I saw by accident, that she has changed her profile picture to a picture of the both of them with arms around each other. I was horrified to say the least. I am in 1 week of no contact since the last time I talked to her. I want to call her soooooo bad and try to make plans to get lunch or something like that but I know that it would only probably make me feel worse. I wish that she would just call me!! I cant get the image of the two of them together out of my head!!! Im already the most depressed that I have ever been in my life because of this break up and now it feels 110 times worse. Especially now that it is summer and I just want to be with her!!!!!

[iBroken]

Delete the email message from FB, and her.

 

DO NOT CALL HER. DO NOT GROVEL OR BEG.

 

She is with someone else now - you have to accept that and move on - Sorry.

[vidman]

iBroken is right dude. And the harshness she used is fitting.

 

I understand the need to contact her, but don't. If you think you are in pain now, it will be worse after contact. Let it go, trust me.

 

Every time you text, email, message, call, etc. her, or she you, and you respond, you will backslide. The longer you go NC, the better you will feel, and eventually, you will be able to contact her and it won't matter. Or the need to talk to her will go away.

 

Good luck brother, I feel for you!

[sighh]

I understand what you're feeling. But as everyone has suggested keep NC up. Its not about her anymore, but about you!

It will get better friend.

[Psychomagnet]

I can tell you from experience (as alot of posters here can as well) that months later and after some clarity that you WILL get from NC...the urge to contact your ex will be ZERO.

 

this is coming from someone who had to see status updates of my ex describing what her new boytoy tasted like on myspace, so do what I did, DELETE HER!

 

ALL that attention- * * * * * stuff she is posting is for that reason alone.

[Daveyjones]

She still has some of my pictures, and pictures that were taken in our old apartment up on her page. Do you think that maybe she is trying to get a reaction out of me by putting that pic up of her and her new guy up? I really hope she at least sends me a text saying "hi" or something. I will ignore it, but at least it will show me that she still thinks of me. The worst part is seeing how busy and how much fun she is having. I haven't felt happy at all in the last two months. I just stay inside all day and look up ways to either get her back, or get over her. Im not sure that I will ever get over this. I cant even imagine trying to date another girl right now. I just want to be able to go 10 min. without thinking of her. But even the thought of me NOT thinking about her makes me sad as well. This is brutal to say the least.

[HouseKitten]

No, I don't think she's trying to get a reaction. I think she's moving on, and she's so caught up in her new romance that you probably weren't what was on her mind when she put that picture up. For her, it's not about you anymore most likely.

 

That doesn't mean she never thinks about you. Guys I broke up with years ago still sometimes cross my mind. She still thinks about you. But if she is dating someone else then that's up to her and the thing is, those first 'new love' stages tend to make exes look bad, because she's in the 'everything is fantastic!' stage, which you can't measure up to. Don't break NC - you will only make yourself look bad.

 

And have a hope I believed the same as you after my break-up, that I would never meet someone who could possibly replace my ex, that I'd never make that connection with another person in the same way. But 8 months later, I did meet someone. You'll get there too, but you have to take it one day at a time. Eventually you will go that 10 mins without thinking of her, then 20 mins, then an hour, then a day you can do it.

[Merrick]

Facebook is the devil when it comes to broken hearts!! I learned that from experience...at least you got 2 months before she stabbed you in the heart...i got a whole 2 weeks before the pics of my ex and his new woman popped up on mutual friends pages!

 

DO NOT wait for the text that just says hi...you'll drive yourself crazy. Trust me on that one...delete her and throw everything out that remind you of her. I burned my stuff after a year...quite healing watching the old memories (good and bad) go up in flames!! If you got hurt bad enough...prepre for a long road before you stop thinking of her...having her on FB will just prolong that. Good thing my ex is too stupid to know how to turn on a computer never mind have an account on FB!! lol...sorry...still bitter...can you tell??

 

And to be honest...she could be moving on...but she could also be trying to mask the pain she's feeling by having someone else distract her. As they say...the best way to get OVER someone is to get UNDER someone else...course...if you have any sort of consious and self respect...that doesn't work.

[Psychomagnet]

The worst part is seeing how busy and how much fun she is having.--Don't focus on that because it's just show(people who are REALLY that busy are way too busy to spend all their time posting about how busy they are, aren't they?). You aren't there so you have no idea what the real deal is. Also, it may be she is having fun now, during the initial "happy discovery" stage. That as with all things, will pass...even for her.

 

I haven't felt happy at all in the last two months. I just stay inside all day and look up ways to either get her back, or get over her---Focus on the latter as there is NO way you can make her come back to you. She has someone else, so that means ANY attempts either directly or indirectly will only make you look pathetic, thus killing even the basic form of attraction if there is any left. Aside from that you will positively be friendzoned or her back-up plan B guy = Dunno about you but I'd rather choke myself to death than accept that. Hope right now is your absolute worst enemy as all it will do is be false and make you nuts!

 

Im not sure that I will ever get over this.--You will, NC will speed this process up and It is the farthest thing from easy that exists but it's worth is unmeasurable.

 

I cant even imagine trying to date another girl right now.--Heh I was in those shoes for awhile...now? I CAN'T WAIT! I'm soooo looking forward to meeting the amazing mystery woman who is 1000000000x better than my ex! That's the mindset you will eventually reach with NC unless of course you meet the better woman before that thought becomes your norm.

 

I just want to be able to go 10 min. without thinking of her. Trust alot of us here when we say that changes dramatically in time(and not years...months) and the only thing that could screw it up is continued contact with your ex.(this includes social networking sites).

 

Here watch this: (original posted vid by michaelhopes)

 

 

 

regarding your ex...practice the zen of doing nothing. Aside from helping to heal you, it drives them bat$hit crazy!

[Daveyjones]

Thanks for that. I just got her change of address conformation in the mail today. I dont' know why they would send it here, shes not here to confirm it. I opened it thinking it might have her new address on it, but it didn't. Probably for the better I guess.

 

I definitely had a real hard time trying to sleep last night with the image of that picture that I saw still burned into my memory. I guess that I am still in denial, and that kinda showed me the truth. It hurts so freaking much, I cant stand it. Still gonna go NC though, if her tears were real the last time she saw me, then she at least has some feeling for me still. We were each others first "real" relationship. (High School relationships aren't real.)We shared an apartment for 3+ years. So even though she is seeing someone else, I still have a little hope that maybe we will get back together when her rebound falls through. I'm not going to just sit back and wait for it though. I am going to slowly start working on my self and try to stop thinking of her coming back to me.

 

I hope NC will drive her crazy, give me time to heal, and possibly bring her back to me. If she does not come back, then hopefully the pain I feel whenever she pops into my head will fade. Sometimes my body physically hurts when these mental images pop up.

[Cal Lily]

It worked. Even if she isn't really carrying out with her flirts, it worked. She got you all worked up and reading into it things that may not even be happening. Your best move would be to stop projecting, and instead smile and love her without needing to control her. A woman wants to CHOOSE to be with her man, not forced or controlled (beyond contrary belief).

 

Relax. Breathe. And try not to sabotage or over think what is going. I actually paid for a stupid online book that suggested flirting online and not defriending your lover just so he/she will be jealous.

 

Best advice (even though I am no angel) would be to treat her kindly and respectfully. Even if she is with another person. That is how I believe a person makes their finest impression. Avoid being sarcastic, rude, abusive, violent, etc. Think compassion. This way, even though you have left the ball is in her court, you have been a sweet, compassionate, wise man. Even if she moves on, she will remember you for your chivalry instead of jealousy. The worst that can happen is that you can remain friends.

 

Good luck,man...

[Daveyjones]

HAHA, I just watched that video that you posted ^^^^^^

 

It is sooo true!

 

Everything still hurts, but that video is pure gold.

[AmandaB]

Love the video. As for the O.P. Ive been there myself. I saw my ex being all stupid over F.B. as well. Stay away from it. It will drive you crazy!

[Daveyjones]

Hey, thanks for that bit of advice.

 

Haha, I too have bought one of those online books as well.

It's funny, because the book is telling me to be her friend, but blow her off at the same time. And to be nice to her new guy as well.

I dont' know if I can do that right now, so I am just going to go NC and see what her reaction is.

 

Me and my ex have not been friends on facebook for a few weeks now, the only reason I saw that picture is because I had an old message from her in my inbox, and when she changed her profile picture on her page, the picture next to her name in my inbox changed too. I deleted all my old messages pretty quickly after that!!! I wish we still were friends though, so I could try to make her jealous with my updates, but I'm not going to break NC by sending her a friend request.

 

I can still type her name into search and see all her albums though, even though we are no longer facebook friends. (She can also do the same thing to me of she wants too) I used to check it every now and then, but now that I saw that pic of them, I am going to stop doing that immediately.

 

Its funny though, after I told her to delete all the pics of me, there are still quite a few up. And only one (her profile pic) of her and her new guy.

[No1]

If you feel strong enough to do it. Block her from your FB. If you really want to heal and move on. Add her to the block list. Oh I know youll be thinking she cant see your pictures anymore and remember the good times. I know its a double edged sword. If you cant see her pics, she cant see your pics.

But she has ways of contacting you if she misses you. So dont worry about the pictures. And dont look into things thinking her acts are because of you. I dont want to be mean, but this is a case of "dont flatter yourself" She is doing things for her, not you. The pics she puts up are for her benefit, not for you to see or your pain.

She moved on. Quit looking at her FB. Are you ready to take the next step and block her?

[Daveyjones]

I had a dream about her last night that we went on a trip somewhere and were back together and actually had sex only to wake up to remember that I am in our old apartment, alone, messed up beyond repair, and that she is probably with him somewhere else. Happy in their honeymoon stage.

 

Started my day out with tears again. Waking up is the hardest part of the day. My situation does not seem to be getting any better.

 

I am going to block her, but for the sick reason of I want her to call me because she is curious of what I have been up to, not for me to heal.

 

I feel like I am in nightmare every single day. Trapped into hoping she is still thinking about me. And tormented by the thought of her being sexually active with someone else. (That is the worst part)

 

I don't know how many more days I can take of this. Its been 8 days since I last talked to her. A little over 2 months since we broke up. Its weird how in the first weeks of the breakup I was doing alot better than I am doing now. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I know its been only 8 days since I last spoke to her and thats not a lot of time, but I really hope she calles me soon. I cant stand this crushed feeling much longer. At lest it will show me that I am not the one doing all the thinking about our past.

[No1]

I am just going to view this from another angle. Do you really love her? Before you answer this. Ask why do you love her and what is it you really want for her? I ask this because your last post was extremely selfish. Read it. You wish she still thought of you, wants for her to think of you, everything you want from her is the thought of YOU. So are you mad because you lost her to another guy? Is this a challenge for you now? You are being selfish. Yes I know you are hurt. 2 Months is kind of fresh, but you want her life to revolve around you still.

[Daveyjones]

I do love her and I want good things to happen to her. If anything, my life revolved around her. I was a "nice guy" and always thought of her first. I even cooked dinner for her every night AND did the dishes!!

 

When we broke up, we were in a bad spot financially and the split was kind of mutual. She had just lost her job, I was laid off but collecting unemployment checks, we only had one car. Basically we were just in a rut and that led us to being not as nice to each other as we used to be earlier in the relationship. But its not that we both stopped loving each other, its just that the day to day grind was getting to be too much for us. In fact, when she came to get some of her stuff one day while I was in class, she left me a note saying quote " I know we may never speak again but I want you to know that you have changed me and I will always love you forever" complete with tear drop stains on the paper.

 

So at least she still loves me, or so she says anyways. Ive seen her two or three times since the break up and even after she started seeing this new guy, it felt like we were still a couple and that the bond was still there between us. She would always give me a big hug and sort of tear up upon leaving again. Mixed messages?

 

I know this guy is just her way of dealing with the pain of the breakup, plus she was dealing with family problems after the break up as well. He has always been hanging around our group of friends and was an easy target for her to latch onto to help mask her true feelings about the situation. I know that she would be upset if she heard about me being with someone else. She actually went into our old bedroom when she was at my place and I could tell that she was looking for signs of another woman. Haha, kind of funny actually.

 

I feel as though we might have a chance to get back together someday. In the big picture, I feel that this this is our time to do some soul searching and to try to find out what we really want in life on our own. The feeling of love is still there and if our paths ever do cross again, it will be so much sweeter the second time around. But who really knows right?

 

Looking back on the split, I wish that I tried harder to make her stay, but at the time I was so mad at her that I was almost happy to see her go. I wish I had let it be known that she COULD have came back instead of giving her the cold shoulder and making her think that she could never call me again. (Which I did tell her) That's probably the reason why she started hanging out with this new guy.

 

The day she told me that she was sorry and that she "didn't mean to start seeing bobby" (whatever that means) and that she does "not really consider him a boy friend and that they are only hanging out" made it real. I had a hunch there was something like that going on but when she told me that she then confirmed it. So that's when I started NC. She cant have both of us. Its only been a week and a half and its killing me. I still go out to bars and do things for my self, but I still miss her so much. I hate the fact that her judgment is clouded by the excitement that this new guy is giving her as well. I know that if he was not in the picture, we would probably be back together by now. It definitely makes things more complicated.

 

 

 

But things are getting better for me now (besides missing my baby constantly). I have a new car and a new full time job. Its summertime. I'm hanging out with friends more. Now if only if I could be holding her in my arms again and cooking her dinner on the grill like we used to do, I could then truly be a happy man. I guess I could always find someone new, but it would take a lot to get back to level that me and my ex were at. A lot.

 

Sorry for this long rambling post, but I just had to get some stuff off my chest. Thanks e not alone.

[VrySnky]

never thought Madea would bring a tear to MY eye, but it's a damn true and good video

and i agree with No1, but I have a different look too. If you dont think you're strong enough to block her, do it anyway... if you cant, get someone else to for you. The second thing I did after initiating NC was delete her from my FB friends. I knew that the only way i wouldnt look was if I COULDNT. I've been wanting to look all day just to see if she's said anything about me since i did it... but i havent. I doubt she has, as she is nice to me and there are no hard feelings, but I also know that her flirty updates to others are more painful and should not be seen... nevermind pics, which would be ther worst. ELIMINATE the possibility of the pain, and when things get easier on you, one mouse click and she could be your friend again... just dont do it too soon, if youre not really ready, it will knock you back farther than you ever thought.

[prada]

Im sorry i couldnt get to you sooner. But what you are going through is something we can all help with and you are in good hands my friend. But you really do NEED to go nc. Stay away from facebook. think about it like this, facebook is a hurt magnet lol if you want to be hurt depressed go on facebook, if you dont want to feel that way DONT GO ON IT! i had to deactivate my acount to clear my mind. Do you think your situation is bad... try this, my ex who i would give my life for, left me for someone else and they are going to get married of only 1 yr. Its been more than 1 yr break up and i still feel the hurt when i remember him. I still miss him and its been so long and defnately months on NC. I dont think i can find the love in my heart or my soul to ever love someone like that again, but you have to look at things on the brighter side to have a brighter day. At least you can spend sometime with yourself, and get to figure out what you want. It will take a while. its still taking me time to get over my ex, but the pieces of my broken heart will always be with him, and i wish and hope someday he gives them back. And i hope that you see the light and keep your head up. I made the mistake on waiting for his calls and his text msgs and up till this day, i never received one. so move on dont want for her to come back, she mite never come back. I know it sounds harsh,, but please dont hope for anything it will only slow down the process of moving on.

best wishes to you

I hope you sleep well tonite. xox

[Daveyjones]

Thanks Prada. Yes, I blocked her on facebook. We were not friends on there to begin with, but I kept seeing her profile pic (the one where she has his arm around him) on other peoples pages when she would make comments about their status. Plus, I did it so that she can no longer try to see my photos. I did this mostly to try to give her some sort of illusion of me moving on. All-though, that is not really the case unfortunately.

 

Its been 2.5 months since the split and 2 weeks since we last spoke through text messages. I go through phases of "I think I am getting better" and "Oh god!! I just want to have her back!!"

And its not any easier knowing that she has someone to take her mind off of me. This is also the first time in my life that I have lived alone as well and that really is hard for me too. She has no idea what I am going through. At lest shes happy I guess.

 

Around where I live, we have this thing called "Old Port Fest" which is when the city closes down the streets and people hit up the bars all day. Its a pretty wild time. Of course I had a little too much to drink (actually way to much haha) and it definitely did not help things. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time running into friends and even talked to a few other girls, but the whole reason I even went in the first place was in hopes of magically running into her downtown. Thankfully that never happened considering the state I was in at the time, haha that would not have been a pretty sight to see. But it just goes to show that I am far from over her. When I got home, I was sitting on my couch, alone, and a thought popped into my head. It was a very realistic image of her coming through the front door of my apartment. Just like she has done hundreds of times before when we both still lived together. I thought about how I would hug and kiss her as if she had just returned from a 2 month trip somewhere and we were finally re-united at last. But that would not be the case, she has someone else now and I can no longer kiss and hug her. I actually felt my heart shatter and that oh so familiar and sickening "body clench" feeling that happens to me when these thoughts/ realizations occur to me.

 

This is by far the hardest thing that has ever happened to me in my life. And I know everyone on here is going to be against this, but I have been reading up on ways on how to win your ex back, even if they are seeing someone else. This is what I am probably going to try. . .

 

link removed

 

I would not try this if I didn't think that the possibility of more pain out weighed the happiness that I would have if we got back together. Its gonna be a long hard road, but I really do love this girl, for better or worse. And I do not want to live the rest of my life wondering "what if I tried?" Instead of just saying "oh well, I am broken up with the love of my life, guess I should just never look at pictures of her and never try to talk to her ever again"

 

Maybe its just my heart ache talking, or maybe its just that I miss t all the summer nights we used to share on evenings such as this one. I don't know, all I do know is that I miss my baby more than anything in the world and she is only a few miles away. Probably enjoying her summer evening with someone else.

 

2 more weeks and I can start my plan. Unless she contacts me first. (Crosses fingers)

 

PS. Prada, I just re read your last post and realized that what I just typed goes against pretty much everything that you wrote. Hahaha. But you did say "I don't think i can find the love in my heart or my soul to ever love someone like that again, but you have to look at things on the brighter side to have a brighter day. At least you can spend sometime with yourself, and get to figure out what you want. " Well, I have spent the most time with my self in the last 2 months then I think I ever have in my life. And what i figured out in that time is that I want is to have my girlfriend back. Or at least not be haunted anymore by the thoughts of him and her together doing who knows what.

 

One way or the other, this darkness has got to give.

[prada]

I can understand you clearly. I have felt all the emotions you are describing and its not nice i know how that pain feels!!! I like the fact that you removed her from facebook,even if its to give an illusion of moving on. I like that idea. Now you can give her the chance to actually wonder where you are or what you are doing?

 

I really do feel for you as i can relate to most of your actions. at the beginning of my crumbling relationship, i did EVERYTHING to keep it together, but nothing helped. But i can see that you are certain about this and i dont give you wrong because i understand the deep love you feel for her. I wish you best of luck i really do. I hope you really do get your happiness because your wording and thought of actions show me that you are terrific and that you are willing to take any risk to get what you want. I say go for it. But if you do try and i really hope you follow all rules, but i am just saying, if you do try and you dont succeed, we will be here for you no matter what! So get started. and believe me when i say its going to be hard to keep your emotions away for a little while to get back in that trust zone with her. "Establish A Friendship Supported By Neutral Trust" lol (from the link you posted)

 

I hope she contacts your first though! then im pretty sure you'll have the upper hand.

 

Keep me posted! I wish you the best! and i hope you get your girl back!

[MatthewS]

Out of sight = Out of mind.

 

That comes to mind right about now. Millage varies for different people/situations. But I blocked my ex the day I left her. If you leave a door open, be prepared for what might come through it. That's my personal feeling on the matter. Good luck.

 

- Matt

[Daveyjones]

Thanks so much prada and MatthewS for those kind words. I wish the best of luck to you guys in whatever situation you are currently in as well.

 

I will keep you updated prada. Its gonna be a few weeks before anything really happens but when the time comes, I am sure I will be posting something on here about it. Good or bad. Hopefully good though!

 

Good can come in two forms, either this breakup makes us stronger as a couple and we get back together to live happily ever after or the breakup makes ME stronger and I finally can move on to the next chapter in my life as a changed man. A stronger man. A man who's next relationship will be amazing because I now know what to watch out for as well as how to deal with certain situations that might come up along the way. (Yes she was my first real adult relationship, a good learning experience if nothing else) Who ever gets me in the future, either my ex or someone new, I know for sure they are going to be a very very happy person. I am gonna make damn sure of that!!

 

At first I thought posting on this site was keeping me in the headspace of allways thinking about my ex, but when I get support like this from the people on here, it really makes me feel so much better. Thanks again guys.

[iBroken]

Summer is a great time to be single....dont get hung up on missing the ex.

 

Its the perfect season to find half naked other fish in the sea!

 

She is with someone else. No website is going to change that for you. Even if they have the tips and techniques.

 

The best words are the ones that are not said......