Send regards, or keep NC

[mercurial100]

Most of you know my story by now (ex left due to GIGS, said she was unhappy but completely out of the blue). As I write this I feel much better than I did a month ago when I iniated NC. The day she moved out she told me she loved me but was not in love with me - this made me angry as the day before she told my family she loved me at a family meal - I slammed the door in her face and walked off.

 

The day she moved out she sent quite a few messages saying "we need to talk", sad faces etc..which I ignored. She then sent a message once I had deleted her on facebook saying that as I was ignoring her I obviously wanted to be left alone and that is what she would do - the result was NC for a month.

 

I want to keep NC but the last few days I have started to feel a little guilty about how I initiated the NC. I want her to know that whilst I know we can't be together I do still think about her and I don't hate her, which is no doubt the impression I have left.

 

I know her brother, he's on FB - is it worth me saying "pass my regards on to xxx) next time I talk to him - or should I leave it completely?

 

We had an amazing relationship (or so I thought) and she had been my best friend four years - I dont want her to think I hate her because I don't..I do want her to know how much she let me down though.

[jenna-is-here]

First of all, if there is going to be ANY contact, I would not do it through the brother.

 

I think *ANYTHING* you do at this point should be for you and your progress. I think you did the right thing by going NC. Please dont have guilt about it because it is a self protective move. You had to do it otherwise it would be too painful.

 

I do think 4 weeks is REALLY early in the whole NC thing. It is a risk to send this note and will open you up to a whole slew of feelings and may set you back to week 1 or worse, she could weasel herself back in even if you think it is not the right thing.

 

Are you sure you do not want to send it to see if it will crack the door for her to come back? Or is it really closure for you? If the positive of sending something short and sweet outweighs the negative, then do it. But my recommendation is to wait a few more weeks to see if you still want to. You can always do it, you cant undo it. And if you did it, I would just say something like, " I didnt want to end on bad note, where I accept that we are both moving on, there are no hard feelings and I really think fondly of our time together"...but I dont think it will give you the closure that you need.

 

When you feel guilty about the way you did NC, the just remind yourself about here GIGS speech. SHE should be the one feeling guilty about the NC because her actions initiated it.

[mercurial100]

Thanks Jen.

 

I don't feel guilty at all about the NC, it's the way in which I initated it. I loved her more than anything - and I may only be thinking this way because I have felt much better today - but slamming the door, storming off (real tantrum) and ignoring her is not the way in which I should have acted.

 

I will take your advice and wait a little longer. He parents were great to me when it happened (they were shocked and didn't agree!) and I explained to them that I hope she doesn't think I hate her, so I suppose they would have, at some point, passed on the message.

 

I don't want her to come back at the moment - I want to learn to live life as a single lad, enjoy life again and if another relationship comes along then even better. However I have had a thing for this girl for 4 years -it took me two, including one brief month where we went out, she wasn't interested and I went NC for ten months - so I would not rule out something in the years to come.

[Cadence44]

While it may not have been your finest moment, if she's a human being capable of empathy, I'm sure she understands why you reacted the way you did. After all, she completely yanked the rug out from under you by breaking up with you out of the blue.

 

I think you should remain as you are. I'm sure that her parents will pass along the info to her that you don't want her to think that you hate her.

 

Jenna gave some good advice about always giving it some time before you reach out in any way. It's often the case that regret hits you 0.5 seconds after you press the "send" key.