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I can't let go of the lies.


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The thing that is really tearing me up is that she never admitted to the infidelity. Even when caught red handed, she still denied everything.

 

I felt forced to leave her. I had no choice but to take the things I had bought for the house with me. I freely admit that I have behaved badly since the breakup. When I had the whole sordid mess confirmed to me by one of the other guy's ex's, I blew off a lot of steam in her direction via text. I threatened him and was generally a bit of a melter, I admit.

 

She said she hoped we could be friends one day. Now I am left feeling like the whole thing was my fault, again. No doubt she has rewritten the history of our relationship to her friends to make me seem like the bad guy. My friends all say that I am better off without her, that they felt uncomfortable around her. She could be very aggressive and always had to be the centre of attention. We've had no contact for some weeks now.

 

I miss her terribly though, even though she was not good to me or for me. I say she was not good to me, but in her way she was. We had a very affectionate relationship in private, and I miss that a lot.

 

It's just eating and eating at me that so much is going unresolved. I am fighting myself to keep no contact and it is incredibly difficult. No doubt she has moved on. She told me that she was "kind of " seeing someone new and that she has moved on and that I should do the same.

 

I can't understand why I can't. I guess if I had someone new then it wouldn't be so hard.

 

I feel really down today, Mondays are always the worst after the weekend. Even if I haven't been alone at all for the whole two days, come Monday and the working week is stretched out in front of me with nothing to look forward to, I feel so empty, so isolated, like no one cares about me or how I am feeling, like I have no one in the world for support, like I will always be alone. I am afraid.

 

I find myself thinking about her constantly, flicking back and forth between despising her and the day I met her, and wishing that I could just hold her for one more night. The only thing that helps me not contact her is the fact that I know I'd probably say something that I might regret. I know the only reason she would want to be friends would be to keep me in this limbo, there for her if she needed me and soon forgotten when a better offer came along. Just like always.

 

She said that I was withdrawn from the relationship, that I never wanted to go out with her and her friends, would you want to go out with your partner and her "friends", someone you were certain she was intimate with behind your back?? of course I was withdrawn from the relationship, how could I be around those people when they all knew what she had been doing? when the actual guy was there? All night being put down by her, while she pandered up to every word he said

 

I'm sure I must be sharing feelings with abused women who can't tear themselves away from the men who hurt them. I know if I have anything to do with her that she will hurt me again, yet I feel that I am not good enough for anything else, like no one will ever want me, like she is all I deserve...

 

I am trying hard to take care of myself. I am trying hard to make new connections, new friends, to rebuild that which I have lost, that which she took from me. Most of the time though, I am just on autopilot. I can't see the point. I'm getting nothing out of life at this point except more disappointment, more trauma, more loss..

 

Maybe tomorrow will be better..

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Hey, I could have written this myself. So sorry. I know exactly what you are going through. Going through it myself. You can't be friends. Stay away from her. It is the best. I saw my ex for first time in a year 2 days ago. He showed up with his new woman at a place I was on purpose to find me. I have relasped so much into the pain. It is better not to see them, although that is so hard too. I know the auto pilot feeling. You are not alone. You sound like a great guy, and you deserve to meet someone good. Listen to your friends. They are right. My friends told me all the same stuff, and of course it is hard to listen to them, when it is you. I hope you feel better soon.

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I know how you feel, I also feel like i could have written this post. I KNOW how hard it's got to be to stay in no contact, but I guess it IS what's best for your own sanity. I don't think it's your fault if she was the one running around on YOU. Some people kind of need to have that power you know? You do sound like a great guy who got hooked up with the wrong girl. *hugs*

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I know how it feels, I went through the exact same thing 5 months ago, she denied everything as well, you can go check my first post, I moved on and life continues….don’t get back with her you don’t need that Sh** in your life dude….No contact Is the best thing you can do for yourself, absolute no contact no text no email no photos or items from her around…cut everything, and you will see. it does work, it’s not easy but it does with time. Wish you the best.

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The thing that is really tearing me up is that she never admitted to the infidelity. Even when caught red handed, she still denied everything.

 

I felt forced to leave her. I had no choice but to take the things I had bought for the house with me. I freely admit that I have behaved badly since the breakup. When I had the whole sordid mess confirmed to me by one of the other guy's ex's, I blew off a lot of steam in her direction via text. I threatened him and was generally a bit of a melter, I admit.

 

 

You ABSOLUTELY HAD NO CHOICE. Dont second guess yourself and more importantly please have no guilt. You knew deep down she was not treating your right and it took time to get the strength to move on. She ended the relationship by not treating you with respect. Whatever you did after the relationship was a natural reaction to someone treating you like that.

 

She said she hoped we could be friends one day. Now I am left feeling like the whole thing was my fault, again. No doubt she has rewritten the history of our relationship to her friends to make me seem like the bad guy. My friends all say that I am better off without her, that they felt uncomfortable around her. She could be very aggressive and always had to be the centre of attention. We've had no contact for some weeks now.

 

Huge red flag, when the friends dont like them. My best friend never liked my ex. She thought he was a snake in the grass. He charmed everyone. No one would have known but she saw it. He too had to be the center of attention - always, like he was on stage or something. It was fun but it started to get old. I saw a counselor and she said that people who are like that do it more for themselves than anyone else (like an insecurity). And about the friends part. Now way. At least not now. For me probably never because as time goes on, I see how they didnt treat me right. You can decide to decide that later if you want (to be friends).

 

It's just eating and eating at me that so much is going unresolved. I am fighting myself to keep no contact and it is incredibly difficult. No doubt she has moved on. She told me that she was "kind of " seeing someone new and that she has moved on and that I should do the same.

 

You are doing good. Now that I am in week 9, the fight for NC has subsided. I no longer get the urge but what got me through week 1-8 was that everytime I wanted to contact them, I would think, "what is there left to say?". My ex was never going to acknowledge all the bs he put me through. I just had to forgive myself for letting it continue past a certain point.

 

I feel really down today, Mondays are always the worst after the weekend. Even if I haven't been alone at all for the whole two days, come Monday and the working week is stretched out in front of me with nothing to look forward to, I feel so empty, so isolated, like no one cares about me or how I am feeling, like I have no one in the world for support, like I will always be alone. I am afraid.

 

WE ALL CARE FOR YOU! You are NOT ALONE!! What helped me was that I have a routine I stick to M-F then weekends so there are no suprises. I wake up and know what my day entails.

 

She said that I was withdrawn from the relationship, that I never wanted to go out with her and her friends, would you want to go out with your partner and her "friends", someone you were certain she was intimate with behind your back?? of course I was withdrawn from the relationship, how could I be around those people when they all knew what she had been doing? when the actual guy was there? All night being put down by her, while she pandered up to every word he said

 

That is crazy. She has issues. She is trying to flip the script and blame you - I dont understand how people can be so insensitive and heartless but you and I know we are good people and if they couldnt see that. My bf tried to tell me that I couldn't *trust* people and that I was crazy (which both are not true) all be cause I was suspecting he was pursing another person...which turned out to be true. But for a split second, I though, "Am I crazy?" ;-) Deep down, she knows this is not the reason for the split.

 

I'm sure I must be sharing feelings with abused women who can't tear themselves away from the men who hurt them. I know if I have anything to do with her that she will hurt me again, yet I feel that I am not good enough for anything else, like no one will ever want me, like she is all I deserve...

 

I just read an article that we are drawn back to them to right the wrong that they have caused but that will never happen. It turns into such a cycle. You have an amazing opportunity to break it right now. We need to find the strength in ourselves to forgive ourselves for staying when we knew better, the strength to know we deserve more and the faith that we will be happy on our own and will find somebody amazing someday.

Maybe tomorrow will be better..

 

It ABSOLUTELY will be!

 

PS - sorry, I dont know how to multi quote so I just put it in italics

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jbr666..you already know she is bad for you..when you catch her again it will be twice as hard..why go through that again hear 'JUST FORGET HER'..but we all know if it was that easy there would be no reason to have 'sites' like these...but you really do have to give it time, remember 'out of sight out of mind' that is the best way to get over someone..you already admitted that if you had someone else you'd get over her..you will find someone but don't do it for that reason..it wouldn't be fair to the other person things take time to get past but look at it this way..if you are a sensible person, you will become stronger, recognize what faults you have had in the relationship and learn from them...the best partners IMHO are those who have gone through heartaches and heartbreaks then recognized their choices, learned from them even if it happened more than once to them..and applied that knowledge in choosing their next partner and in how they interact in their new relationship..you can't make someone love you but you can make yourself love yourself.

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