after 5 months? WTH

[snoop]

Hi everyone, I have not been in this forum in a while, just been trying to move on with my life and forget about my break up….I have started a new relationship (nothing serious) but I believe I moved on and started to forget about my ex. It has been 5 months so far of NC on my end, I have done everything I could to not reach out to her for anything. Basically she cheated and I Broker up with her, we were engaged (you can check my other threads) . so this past weekend I get a text from her “Miss you”. I didn’t know what to think about it, I didn’t answer but then I responded to her the following day asking her why she said that after all this time. She said “she missed me and thinks about me all the time, that she is human and made mistakes…” I didn’t know what to say after that and didn’t say anything, I think it is selfish of her to say this after what she has done to me. I had so much to say after the break up that I didn’t say because she was not there to listen or care. Now she expects me to wait for her with open arms!? I cannot forgive cheating, that’s something I can never live with. What should I do at this point? Is meeting her to talk about what happened 5 months ago of any use? Should I just not respond at all? Any help is appreciated. Thanks.

[Cheetarah]

I swear that I think exes have a 6th sense about knowing when you're moving on. And they're like NO! WAIT! You can't be happy if I'm not!

 

Frankly, I wouldn't be bothered with her. She needs to deal with the consequences of her actions. There is nothing she could really explain at this point that would make anyone go "ooooh...AHA!" and make that lightbulb go off in your head. Is there anything you want to know that you would feel could give you closure? If not, then as I see it there's really no point.

[Romy_my_name]

If you have the strength to not respond - don't.

 

If you don't have the strength, then be ready for a whole new set of emotions.

 

More often than not, we know what the right thing to do is - we just can't do it.

 

It all depends if you love her and can't live without her.

[mca1975]

Do not meet up with her to discuss anything, keep moving forward. No use in digging up old ground, she will try and get into your head again and will try to get you back, but you know you could never trust her. Give this new relationship a try.

[jimmajam]

There is no point to meet with her to talk about if you are over it. It sounds like you're in a good spot now, so I would NOT meet up to talk about the past. If you want to reply, just tell her what you really feel about her saying that to you. If my ex said that I would be happy after all the hard time I went through after the breakup. I would probably tell her thanks and it's nice to hear that she still feels that way after all this time. I would then explain that I was in a relationship and I'd like to keep in touch, but can't really pursue anything right now...if ever.

 

...In the nicest way possible of course. It's probably going to sound bad to her no matter how you say it.

[uncomfynumb]

Hah! Go read the NC/hate or indifference thread.

 

Those poor dumpers.... damned if they do, damned if they don't!

[iBroken]

There doesnt seem to be a reason for you to jump on suggesting a meet with her. She texted you, you asked why and she said she is human and makes mistakes.........

 

I dont see anything else here to jump on - brush it off and keep on living

[snoop]

She kind of asked for forgiveness indirectly, she has a big ego so saying “ I miss you” is a big deal with her….

[Cheetarah]

She kind of asked for forgiveness indirectly, she has a big ego so saying “ I miss you” is a big deal with her….

 

 

And perhaps she is.

 

I believe that forgiveness is a very personal and private choice. She doesn't need to know whether or not you've forgiven her. Forgiveness is for you - The only thing it would do is maybe absolve her of the guilt she may be experiencing right now - and maybe is looking for you to help ease it, hence reaching out. That's not your responsibilty, though. I'm not saying don't forgive her and hold onto a grudge to 'punish'. I'm just saying...She's got to deal with that on her own.

[HeartGoesOn]

She made the choice to cheat on you, now it's your choice to move on, and not allow this to stop you from moving forward, and healing.

 

Obviously she's doing this for her benefit, not yours.

[jenna-is-here]

Errr. Self-serving dumpers...I believe she does miss you because she got herself in some situation and feels insecure...

 

I would not go down that road. I know personally I would have a hard time not putting a jab in. I would probably txt back want to say "well, you should have thought about that before you slept around" but in the end I probably would not have the guts to do that.

[Taikero]

I think it would be foolish of you to talk to her.

 

More so because you're in a new relationship.

 

Ask her not to speak to you again, and to treat her next man right. Then don't respond from here on out. She has her life to live, and you have yours.

[DMK]

I think she is doing that to see if she still has you on the line. Mine did that to me identical (cheated, I went NC, was engaged as well, search my threads). 2 months into NC I got the simple "I miss you..." message. Thought about it then responded, even reached out to her like a dummy, turns out she just wanted an ego boost and had no interest in talking any further. She might have been having a low moment with the new guy or some guilt but it was only temporary, my response got her what she needed (validation I was still around to listen to her) and that was that. I went back into NC wishing I never responded, and it set me back considerably.

 

So, you might want to learn from my lesson. I also thought it was a "big deal" for her to reach out at all, as she was so callous with the breakup and emotionless when she cheated and broke the engagement for the new guy...Never would she drop her pride to say something like "I miss you", I thought -- But it turns out she was just doing it for her own selfish reasons, not because she wanted to reach out to me.

[snoop]

DMK thanks for the response, I thought the same thing afterward and I didn’t and wouldn’t give her that satisfaction, after she said she missed me, thought about me all the time and made mistakes…etc

 

what I told her with these same exact words: “ you made me go through the worst time of my life and never gave a damn, I moved on now and I’m with somebody so I would appreciate if you forgot about me and stopped contacting me, good luck with everything.”