Romy_my_name Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 I am quite tired, so apologies if I am not as eloquent or clear as I should be, but I really want to post it in the hope that it may be of help... I don't want to talk about the loneliness or the feeling that you may not find anyone else...that's a set of totally different issues. What I want to talk about is this deep, physical yearning for the person. Something that I found excruciating and unbearable. In my case, it was a difficult situation: age, religion, distance, unusual personality etc. Eventually, he ended up with someone else. No matter what I felt, I could not hate him or even be permanently angry - I yearned for him. You know how when you look at people/families, you can automatically say, 'They are not my type'... You know, there are people who are 'your type' and 'others'... People you can never imagine mixing with or being close to? Well, the person we were with was our 'type' or it appeared so. The fact that they left us means that they don't consider us to be 'their type of a person'. The new angle is this - if your ex is with someone else, then this someone else is their type. This new person is quite different to you. Therefore, the fact that person who is so different to you is your ex's type, the fact that your ex could go for someone so different to you, the fact that you probably would not consider this new partner as someone to have in your life as a close friend implies that your ex is really not your type.... your ex is not the person you thought he/she was. We tend to sometimes close our eyes to imperfections in their behaviour, in their statements and hang on to the positives only, because we want to be delusional - we don't want to see the issues. However now that they are with someone else who is so different to you shows you CLEARLY that your ex is not what you thought he/she was - he/she is NOT your type. Look around you - would you have a relationship with people who are not your type? No, you wouldn't. So therefore, you don't want a relationship with your ex. Now does that mean I am totally over him? Well, I yearn for him.. I yearn for what I THOUGHT he is, but the reality has shown me that I was wrong. So no - I am not over him, I still find it hard to get up in the morning, but the above logic is the most honest one. There is no point saying, 'They may look happy, but who knows...' or 'They will regret it one day...'. The point is that we don't know - the opposite may be the truth - they may be happier with someone else and therefore never regret leaving us. There is no point deluding ourlselves now, just as we were deluding ourselves when we were with them and ignored little signs. What we can do is see the reality for what it is - we just aren't really each other's 'type' and what more proof do we need than by looking at the new person they have chosen. Does that make sense to you? Link to comment
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