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Do "love of life" work out?


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I have an EX gf who refers to me as the "love of her life" but has been seeing someone since our breakup. She indicates that i'm the love of her life but that doesn't mean we are right for each other. That someone else might be more compatible. This has left me confused and hurt. I love her with everything I have and believe that is the foundation that can make us work... She is in disagreement.

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Actions speak louder than words, my friend. Also, the term "love of my life" is subjective, to most people I would think it means the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, to her, it obviously means something less. Honestly, it sounds like something she is telling you to make herself feel less guilty about whatever happened with you two, and to make you feel less upset about everything, it's common, read around here and see how many dumpee's hear the famous "your perfect for me, but I just need to be with "xxxxx" right now", or "I know we are meant to be together, but I just need to try this person out for awhile to make sure I'm right"....something along those lines.


Regardless of all that, it's obvious that your contact with her is hurting you and holding you back from healing and moving on. May I suggest NC?

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sometimes people will throw you a bone when they dump you... they'll tell you you're so special, there's nobody like you, you were the love of their life, etc. etc.


it doesn't really mean anything unless it is backed up by action. if you were really the love of her life, and you are available to date her and she is dating other guys, that just doesn't make sense. Something is not lining up, so you have to believe her actions more than these words.

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its like i have an internal war going on. with giving someone so much trust and love, i've failed to see whats really going on. we are still speaking. i have her telling me of things she's gonna do, and guess what. the guy is clearly involved with these things.


she had given me some pics and items that were in our memory box. i decided to send her some of our pics so that i could return the favor. tonight she txts me:

"i look good in those pics! so thanks for giving them to me."


really??? are you that sellfish that your gonna txt your ex about how good you look in the pics of us... i am once again shocked at the audacity of this woman. its like the second she turned to my ex, she turned into the devils mistress.


am i overreacting?!?

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No you are not overreacting


You need to drop her while she is with this guy IMO. You are becoming her backup plan. I have been in your shoes and it sucks, and to be honest, you wont ever recover. You will wonder if you are good enough and it will dampen the relationship over and over and over again.


I know you love this girl, but you gotta let her go and be with him. And if that wakes her up and brings her running back to you, you need to keep you space so that you are sure she didnt just run back because you are a back up plan.


Its a * * * * ty situation you are in. I say run for the hills man. I was in your shoes. I tried with my ex again and we never recovered.


I am now single again because of it.

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its a very tough decision. a lot of what i'm reading says that i can regain leverage by talking to her in the meantime. even the robound guide indicates to stay LC and not full NC.


one book i just completed says love is 3 things. friendship 90%, respect 9%, passion 1% . it says to build a relationship with her while ignoring the new guy. show no jealousy. act aloof. and build back the friendship. so far, i haven't shown a lot of jealousy. BUT if i can start building the friendship again, i will have more leverage if i do decide to walk. so i have determined that i will stay in some contact for a bit, as much as it hurts. i just get the feeling that she is trying desperately to push me into the friend zone. so i make sure to bring up the relationship from time to time. each time we are in contact i will re-evaluate the situation. in a couple wks, without progress, i will withdraw. i will tell her that she isn't serious about making us work, and to only contact me if thats what she wants.


i'm just afraid that i'm allowing her to finish building the bond with the new guy. its such crap that an ex will use you to build the relationship with the guy they left you for... f'n ridiculous.

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i spoke to her again today. our conversation was ok. she got a bit frustrated with me saying i wasn't saying what she wanted to hear. it left me really confused, but i think we otherwise recovered and covered a lot we had never gotten to before. i think it was a growing pains kinda phone call. i hope that she will not be very turned off by the call.


i finally for once was able to end the call before she could. that felt good. i'm not sure if i will call her again before sunday. she is going to an overnight concert with guess who. then making a trip to DC with guess who. i said i was ok with her seeing other people at this point cause i still needed to find out what i want. that her seeing other people was her choice. i wont be able to stand around too much longer while this dating with the guy continues. i feel as though i need to gain a little more leverage before i make any kind of decision.


its frustrating sometimes cause she is confused and then expects me to read her mind. i'm trying to get better at understanding where she is coming from on some issues.


its not easy to know she is about to go on a trip with this guy, and i'm gonna have to wait to talk to her. its not easy to know that this could bring them closer and us farther apart. a relationship book i have described this circumstance as the tortoise and the hair. act unaffected. keep your head up and feet moving forward. be persistent.

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I think you are fighting a losing battle. One that is going to leave you damaged in the end.


You are trying to work with her to stop a bond from building with the other guy? So you are trying to be there in the backdrop while she runs all over town with him? How is that fair to you?


I urge you to drop this approach and go NC. Change is hard, really it is. I suffered for 6 months as my ex and I tried to recover. Its hard when there is or was someone else. The relationship just isnt the same.


Its only been 3 days since we split, but I already see that I put myself in a horrible situation. Love is blind....your blinders are on.


Turn around, do NC and let her do her thing with this guy. You cannot stop the bond from building as you will have no control or influence if they break up or grow together. You are waiting for someone who is not available while someone who is available could be passing you by!

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i hear ya iBroken, and i'll probably be whining on here in a couple weeks when I finally have to cut things off. however, i'm not going out without a fight. i'm trying my best to ignore this guy. he has nothing that i dont. in fact, i have more. and i have history that can play to my favor. i've been reading a book called "love tactics" and I am following its advice along with the guidence of a relationship therapyst. so i'll do my best, and if thats not good enough then so be it.


i will walk away from her or toward her head held high. thats what matters. and absolutely, it will NOT be an easy road.


i feel in my gut its do or die time. i've waited long enough.

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