dancingcolors Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 I just saw my ex of 2 years after not seeing him or hearing from him for over as yesar. He left me for another woman and yesterday, he came and found me at work, with the new woman, who he has been with for the whole time. She freaked out and ran away, and I talked to him for over and hour, till she came back. He wanted my phone number, I didn't give it. he said he wants to communicate through email, I said what is the point. He said he wants to communicate feelings and say he is sorry for what he did to me. I said o.k. I caved in there. I don't even know if he will really even send one, but of course now I will be looking for them. The rest of yesterday and most of today I feel bulldozed. I have a great best friend roomate, who has worked hard at cheering me up all day, and my daughter and a few other friends. My goal is to not feel bad tomorrow, but really deep down inside seeing him really wounded me, and really backslid me. It was hard because he came with the other woman and left with her. I mostly just stayed in bed all day today, except my friend took me out to eat to cheer me up. I want to feel normal tomorrow, but deep down inside, I am so not normal right now. It is like a huge wound that was healing just got peeled open. Especially when he said he loves her and never loved me. I was so in love with him. We are 57 years old, and this relationship affected me more than any other I ever had. I am too old to go through this pain, and I can give myself a pep talk that I am fine and I am not going to be affected tomorrow, but I know I will. Plus my self esteem is really hurt. I know I shouldn't use him to validate myself, intellectually, but emotionally, I feel so unloveable, as he says he loved the woman before me, and now the woman after me, and could never love me. He says that is why he left. We had such an intensely close and passionate relationship in every way. I just can't understand why he couldn't love me, and I have to go through this. I am too old, and I hate being alone. I get so lonely, and still miss him so bad. He said that I am with him everyday, even though he claims to be in love with this other woman. He didn't seem very happy to me, and claimed it was divine providence that brought us together yesterday. I wish I didn't have to go though this anymore, it has been going on for over a year. I am tired, and just want a happy life, with a loving companion in it. It seems so unfair that he has someone, when he broke my heart, and I was the one who loved him, and I am the one who has to suffer. I am grateful to this site, it is kind of like therapy to write all this, see others going through the same thing, and hear responses. Thanks so much! Link to comment
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