She doesn't feel good enough for me?

[SirEdmund]

Hello everyone. I'd like some advice and opinons as to what I should do to make my relationship a happy one.

 

When things are going well, which is usually the case. We are both very happy, and very in love!

 

However, and I am not being arrogant when stating this however, whenever there is a conflict that starts, it is started by her. I am by no means putting the blame on her! But its an observation I have made.

 

Usually it is something she has said or done that has upset me, I will tell her why it has upset me, and it spurs out into an argument from there.

 

The main problem is, she realizes she starts these arguments too. She asks me how she can stop doing this, and I've told her that she needs to be patient and understanding of what she's doing wrong, and that we can fix it together.

 

Then it will happen again, and she starts to say how she's not ever going to be right for me and she can't fix herself and all sorts of things like that.. she says really rash things that are very insulting to herself.

 

I tell her its not true! Because it isn't! She is amazing! It's just these occasions. She tells me with all honesty in her heart that I am perfect, and I tell her thats not true because no one is, and i know im not perfect. But the thing that hurts me is that she can tell me this with no doubt in her heart, but as much as I love her, I cannot feel that she is perfect too. She is close, but still has faults that bother me.. and it bothers her that she has these faults and gets frustrated that she cannot change them

 

*Extra Detail

Im not sure exactly if theres something in common with the events that usually upset me from her, but I really feel she is not on the same maturity level as I am. We can both laugh and joke together, but she does not do too well upholding a serious conversation. I am 22 years old and she is 21

 

Anyways that was a little winded lol,

thanks for reading and any advice is greatly appreciated.

[jraf]

Can you give us some examples of some things she has said or done that have upset you?

[SirEdmund]

well for example yesterday

it had to do with her work ethic

 

i have been helping her learn a new language

and have been reading with her every night

we agreed we would read together until she had learnt how to

 

its been about a month

and shes really got the hang of it

so i suggested she start reading on her own

so i could focus on my school studies as well

 

she said ok and it was fine and ended the converstion with goodbyes and everything (this was on the phone)

 

she later texted me and I could tell she was upset

and asked her what was bothering her

 

and she said how she felt that it wasnt fair we stopped reading together, and that it was something special

and that im so wrong for thinking we should stop

and she ended by saying "well it doesnt matter anyways i guess i just need to mature"

 

i was just shocked! is it just me or is that overtly clingy of her?

and just the attitude she gave when telling me it was like

 

she later messsaged me after i posted my last post saying shes sorry for how she reacted and everything

and she'll try to work on her attitude and reactions

she was very sincere

im just concerned because this repeats every so often with different issues...

[geekgirl4]

Sounds like she has low self esteem.