just fwb...

[justFWB]

I have been fwb for some time with a man I met on a dating site. I precondtioned it from the start, we are both active on the dating site still. He has told me that he is very comfortable with me, he calls me after we hang out (not always sex between us) he helps me around my house, driving 30 mins just to help me fix or do something here.

 

He asks questions like - we are friends, right?, he always tries to kiss me hellos or goodbye, I told him no kissing from the start. He says I am such a solid, good woman and he enjoys hanging out with me. He will always bring something when he comes over- coffee, sweets,etc.

 

The reason I wanted fwb is because I am not emotionally ready for a relationship, he feels the same way about himself. One time we did not use protection and I realized it and stopped right away- he said dn't worry if you get pregnant i will be there. I am beginning to think he likes me in more than just a friendly way but I don't want to stop seeing him!

[Shudder]

I am beginning to think he likes me in more than just a friendly way but I don't want to stop seeing him!

 

perhaps you too

[Samedy]

So what is your problem?

 

It does sound like both of you are emotionally invested in this "relationship" now, even if on the surface you don't want to be.

[magnoliasky]

I think it's possible for a really good relationship to build up very slowly, starting with a good solid friendship. Try not to be emotionally anxious. You don't have to stop seeing him or see him. Enjoy the process. The whole all or nothing concept regarding commitment sometimes makes me nervous as jumping into an instant relationship is overwhelming if the solid friendship base isn't there. I'd say just enjoy the process.

[abitbroken]

Well...even FWB is a relationship if you think about it. You just sort of preempted it with "i want sex but I don't want a commitment". In some ways, its not fair because you are ruling out what may happen naturally versus merely having no expectations. Inevitably, unless you are both promiscuous, FWB friends develop feelings even if it is just on one side. All that physical contact, regular other contact, like talking, is going to spark something. it's human nature. I think you are ready for relationships - otherwise you wouldn't be on dating sites. You just don't want to answer to anyone.

 

Most people would be happy someone is starting to have feelings for them or respects them or if someone turns out to be a lot better quality of a person than just a sex buddy. In some ways, it may be about control for the fact that you don't want him to feel anything and is "letting you down" in that way.

[justFWB]

I find being official complicates everything, people get too comfortable. This fwb thing is new to me and I find it exciting. I like him, yes but not for anything more than fwb right now.

 

He always tells me what he is going to do, never mentions other women. Kinda gets upset when I bring up other men, so I stopped doing that. He tells me I do sweet things that other women have never done- (not sexual things).

 

when he holds me or cuddles i leave the bed and sleep on the couch when he falls asleep. One night i fell asleep on his chest and was drooling on him (how cute) I went to sleep on the couch... I am trying to be safe here emotionally.

 

I am confused.

 

I mean with fwb its just supposed to be a "pump and dump" not all these extras... I never respond when he says he misses me, or he had fun with me (even if it was only putting something together for me) But at times I do crave his attention and I am scared about that too, while I try to separate my emotions from this "rs" his actions and words are confusing me....

[abitbroken]

"labels" don't make people "get too comfortable" and you can't punish him for whatever happened to you with other men. (btw, FWB is a "label" too) You say that like people automatically get too comfortable. I'll tell you - my relationship with my boyfriend is just as hot as when we first met. The only thing that has changed is that we are more knowledgeable and involved with other aspects of eachother's lives and not just "dates." It has become richer.

 

It doesn't mean you have to marry the guy - but wouldn't you sometimes like to be hugged, or have someone take you out once in awhile? Or do you date other men for that? You seem to thinking there are set "rules" to FWB.

 

In fact, I don't think this is FWB. This is a man you are sleeping with or messing around with. FWB isn't with someone who you just meet, and offer a FWB setup to ward off feelings, but someone you have known a long time and are very familiar with and just decide "heck, i'm not seeing anyone, he's not seeing anyone, let's let off a little steam." It could be an old boyfriend, a long time school friend - someone you trust on a personal level not to make a big deal of it to others. In otherwords, you are already friends versus you are just establishing and getting to know that person and pidgeonhole them into something before getting to know them

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yep...the standard problem with FWBs..most of them follow the same trend.....one person is emotionally invested and the other person isn't. The longer this continues, the more you will be "confused". If you don't want a relationship with him then perhaps it is time to end this FWB because he may have more emotions invested in this than you do.

[justFWB]

I don't want to be selfish/greedy but I have told him how i feel he agrees but continues to leave me this voicemails and tells me how much fun he has with me, and all these other things. Its possible I am reading way to much into things because of my own fears, but his actions point a different direction.

 

I never tell a friend i miss them unless its been a while since i see them because i know i will see them. I want him to talk to me about other women but he does not and it makes me think he either wants to respect me by not doing so or he sees me as a potential.... I have actually slowed down on dating cause I feel like I am cheating so this is why I came here, I cannot allow these feelings....

 

I remember telling him in the beginning that if I get feelings for him I will tell him and he interrupted and said we will cross that bridge when we get there...

[Lamour detruit]

It might be wise to reconsider this if it keeps up. You don't want a relationship with him, and the signs are there that he very much does wish for it. It is clear he is emotionally invested by what he does..trying to help you all the time, saying he would be there if you get pregnant, etc. A guy that just wants the benefits of sex..would not say that.

 

If you really don't want more from this guy, end it if it becomes even a bigger problem.

[justFWB]

wow I thought women are the ones that always get caught up in FWB....I am not sure, if he continues to be so emotionally I will have a talk with him and take it from there....

[BriarRose]

I agree with CAD that in FWB's, one almost always ends up feeling more for the person than sex. Sometimes it's the man, as is the case here.

[abitbroken]

I have actually slowed down on dating cause I feel like I am cheating so this is why I came here, I cannot allow these feelings....

 

.

 

But why can't you allow these feelings? Why can't you just feel what you feel and be honest about it?

[Shudder]

i seem to find this whole fwb thing some kind of in denial phase. like both of you seem to want the benefits of a relationship.. without actually calling it that..

 

talk about confusing..

[Taikero]

saying he would be there if you get pregnant, etc. A guy that just wants the benefits of sex..would not say that.

 

To be fair, any real man would say that. You don't ditch your responsibilities if you have sex with someone and a child comes out of it.

 

 

As for the OP, it seems like you both want a little bit more. You should be honest with yourself and let him be honest with you. If things progress, why not? If they don't, then so be it. It seems like he's a good friend to you, so why ruin a good thing just because you feel you need to keep distance from him? If something happens, he could be the best person you ever allowed into your life. If nothing does, then that's just the way it happened and oh well.