Help, I want the TRUTH!!!! need woman's response

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

I’m not a woman but it sounds like your wife invited this situation. Being “the guy” in the situation you described even though it is not the exact same situation as you are talking about but similar enough in that the girl had an SO at the time I can say that regardless of her intentions she opened the door to this by behaving in a way that made the other guy think she was interested in him.

 

For me I was very lonely and in fact still am. So the attention was more than I could bear and I needed the validation she gave me by paying attention to me. I needed to feel attractive to someone because no one ever seems to make me feel attractive. Sure I get compliments from friends and family but it’s not the same. You want a real woman that you could have a chance at a relationship with, hold, kiss, even make love to to make you feel like you’re desirable.

 

I know all about the emailing, texting, calling, use of pet names and affection that is definitely crossing the line because I went through the same thing. No sensible or reasonable woman can convince me that behaving like that with a man you have no romantic intentions towards is normal and just being friendly. Any reasonable person would suspect that she was trying to start something up or opening the door for you to try.

 

It’s simply human nature and we all know instinctively how to illicit those kinds of responses from the opposite sex. The hypocrisy of it is that so many women can’t even be honest about it or their behavior or what it obviously means. They can’t be honest about what they really thought or felt either. Yet once the man puts himself out there he can never deny what his intentions were. She lured him into making a fool out of himself to satisfy her ego and now she feels fine humiliating him after the fact and making him look stupid to everyone else including her husband or bf.

 

Put it this way, let you be the one having those conversations with another woman and exchanging lots of personal emails and generally being flirty and complimenting her a lot to “build up her ego”. Let you be the one calling her sweet little pet names and making inappropriate comments to her and I can bet your wife nor any other woman would be nearly as forgiving or understanding as they are asking you to be.

 

I’m not saying the guy is innocent but you’re wife bears just as much guilt in this situation as he does. He gave in to temptation but she provided plenty of it. Maybe she was trying to be nice but too nice is not a good thing. It comes off as misleading and many women don’t seem to get that. Or maybe they do but just don’t care.

 

You can’t be too flirty with a man especially over a long period of time and then act surprised when he tries to ask you out or sleep with you. Yet that is exactly what many of them do as if they never thought he’d actually take a real interest or is somehow asexual or dysfunctional and won’t respond the normal way a man responds to an attractive woman making him feel special.

 

I also do think that some women like to push the boundaries with a man just to see if they can. Can they still win a man’s heart and get him to chase? It’s about her ego. No matter how much women may protest they too have egos and like flexing them by seeing how far they can get with a guy sometimes without taking it all the way. It’s very selfish as there is no concern for their current partner’s feelings or the feelings of the poor guy they are toying with. Their only concern is the pleasure they take in his advances, advances they are both welcoming and instigating.

 

Since many women flirt in a more subtle way than men do it’s easier for them to hide behind the “friendly” excuse. After all most women expect the man to make all the real moves while they just encourage him in that direction. They are often careful not to say anything too explicit so as not to be caught up in a situation they can’t lie their way out of. But they are often very aware of the signals they are sending out and probably pick up the signals he starts sending out quite early on but they do nothing to dissuade him and in fact do plenty to encourage him.

 

Believe me there are plenty of attractive women that do not get constantly hit on. It’s because they do not carry themselves or behave in a way that invites a man to think they are open to his advances or even desire them. So it’s not just that she is so beautiful that men can’t help themselves. She is doing things to invite these reactions from men I can almost guarantee it. In fact you seem to already know and recognize that fact.

 

To put it bluntly your wife sounds like a serial flirt who likes attention and needs way too much validation from other men to feel like a woman. For whatever reason your attention isn’t enough for her. She is damaging your relationship, hurting other men by building false hopes and ultimately failing to quench her insatiable appetite for male approval.

 

Your wife needs to deal with her own self esteem issues and learn to seek her validation and attention fix from you and not other men. She should not open these kinds of doors because one day she may give in to temptation herself and end up doing more than flirting around. The real question is what is her true motive for seeking all this extra male attention when she has a perfectly good male in her life already? She needs to answer that question for herself and deal with it before her relationship with you is completely destroyed.

[UncertainT]

The hypocrisy of it is that so many women can’t even be honest about it or their behavior or what it obviously means. They can’t be honest about what they really thought or felt either. Yet once the man puts himself out there he can never deny what his intentions were. She lured him into making a fool out of himself to satisfy her ego and now she feels fine humiliating him after the fact and making him look stupid to everyone else including her husband or bf.

 

damn... well said that is exatly how I feel and if you ask her " it's just to confusing and that's not what she meant... " well what did you mean? I just believe that women have more "emotional affairs" with other men to satisfy them... I'm only one man and can't be there every second of the day...

[pl3asehelp]

This post should go into the ENA hall of fame. Totally spot on in every way. You should let her read this.

 

OP, I feel for you. Sounds like she's in denial about her self esteem issues, which, like mentioned above, is the root of all this. It just sounds like she's so far away from even realizing she's got a problem that it seems unlikely she'll come around and work on herself any time soon.

[livinginsbi]

except the OP said he wanted a woman's point of view... but he really doesn't.... he just wants people to agree with him.

[UncertainT]

I truly believe that no man out there can fully resist another woman (especially a beautiful woman) if he is in close on a regular basis..

 

It's not a trust issue for the other person... I don't trust myself... there is no way I can resist all advances over time.. if that person is interested in me and I am attracted to her.. Prevention is really the only way for me as a man.. So it's not a trust issue for me.. b/c I don't even trust myself.. Ladies can you resist 100% of the time to that other "sexy" man given enough encouters? it always takes 2 in the end...

[livinginsbi]

so there is the problem.. you can't even trust your own self.. over time.. and now your are transferring the non trust to your wife.. that's a shame... because, she is not you. And instead of appreciating that, you're going to drive her away with your distrust.. quite honestly.. she deserves better than you.

 

As for me.. yes.. 100% of the time..

[Curious_Girl]

if that person is interested in me and I am attracted to her.. Prevention is really the only way for me as a man.. So it's not a trust issue for me.. b/c I don't even trust myself.. Ladies can you resist 100% of the time to that other "sexy" man given enough encouters? it always takes 2 in the end...

 

I'd like to say "no," but I've never been in that position so I don't know. Why have I never been in that position? Like you, I make sure it doesn't happen. Men and women both know when a friendship is starting to go beyond just platonic. When I was married, I just made sure that I wasn't frequently alone with a man that I found very attractive, or even with others in situations that are conducive to things "just happening" (e.g. alcohol involved). IMHO, nothing ever "just happens."

 

Now, I'm not saying that anything happened btwn your wife and this guy. It sounds to me like a combination of her being outgoing and (I think) her wanting male attention. The reason I mention the latter is b/c of your comment on how she dresses, and the size of her implants (unless she was already quite well-endowed, and then why get implants?). I'm not trying to make her out to be untrustworthy, but from what you've said here, I think she could benefit from some individual therapy.

 

However, I also think you both could benefit from couples therapy. Her strong desire for so much male attention probably doesn't come only from her "daddy issues."

 

I hope you can make this work.

 

One more thing: I wouldn't discuss my sex life/marriage issues with a man b/c it is too intimate. I know that probably sounds old-fashioned, but that kind of emotional intimacy can lead to physical intimacy. I don't think men should discuss things like that with women friends either. If you can't talk about it with your spouse, there's a problem.