Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone, I've been on this site a few times, but haven't really posted much. Just enjoyed everyone's wonderful advice! Now, I'm looking for some advice for myself.

 

I love my boyfriend very much. We have had our ups and downs, and he's not always great, but I still care about him. Lately though, it has become more and more clear that we want different things in life. I have always known this to an extent, but I guess that I am in a phase where I want to start my life over again (get a new job, new place to live, etc.) and I think that it is time that him and I went our separate ways.

 

Because I still love him, I don't know how to do this to him. I don't want to break his heart, but I do think that this is the best thing to do for both of us. I can tell that he is not as happy with me as he used to be, and I know in my heart that it will be best for both of us if we just part now, and maybe we can remain friends. What makes it worse is that we live together, and I know that he cannot afford to keep the apartment on his own.

 

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this, or has anyone dealt with this in the past and have any tips? I have given it a lot of thought, and I really hate to hurt him, but I know that this is what needs to be done. Thanks in advance for any help you can give.

Link to comment

Just do it...stay calm...if he gets defensive or argumentative don't take the bait...nothing to discusss its over...you are not responsible for his independence financially speaking so no guilt...you are probably doing him a favor...he'll have to rise to the occasion and grow up.

Link to comment

This thread brought a lump to my throat as I was on the other end of this!

 

All I will say is make sure you explain your situation, don't do silly things like say how much you love him, don't talk about future plans in the days/moments leading up to it.

 

I had this exact thing however my ex told me and my family at a meal how much she loved me the day before ending things. I have been NC for a month today and the shock is something that will live with me til the day I die - I have never been so destraught.

 

These things happen, just make sure you go about it the right way.

Link to comment
What exactly do you mean you want different things in life. Why can't you start a new job while still being in a relationship with him? Why can't the two of you get a new place to live together?

 

I'm wondering this too. I think you need to be really clear about you want out of life and talk to him about that. I don't think it's good for you to guess how he feels about you since you haven't really talked to him. I would say before ending the relationship, you need to really talk to him.

Link to comment

If what you got is good, but just isn't what it used to be then you better stay and find a way to make things more exciting for the two of you. Cause ALL relationships dry out after a time. ALL relationships. There's a time when it's so new and fresh out the pack; it's exciting and breath-taking, then it gets old and your left with what's really there. So if you got it good but feel like you're "missing something" I wouldn't leave just yet. As Crazyaboutdogs mentioned, you can move and find a new job and do all that stuff together.

Link to comment

It's difficult to explain, but I am just not happy, and I know that he isn't either. I can find a different job while I am with him, but he also needs a new job (he is currently on modified duties where he works and will never be able to go back to work there) and he refuses to do anything about it. I can find somewhere else to live while I am with him, but he refuses to move, although he admits that our apartment is terrible and far too expensive for what it is. I don't want to sound cold-hearted, and my heart is breaking at the thought of hurting him, but I can just tell that we are not right for one another. I want to start thinking of purchasing somewhere to live - he wants to start buying remote-controlled helicopters. I want to buy a condo, he wants a house. I want to move out of the city we live in, he wants to just stay put. There is only so much that someone can compromise, and I just don't know what to do at this point.

Link to comment
Have you told him how serious you are?

 

My ex never did...She wanted a house and I wanted an apartment - she wanted to live in the city I wanted the country. HOWEVER if I knew how serious she was I would have taken things far more seriously!

 

I agree. I think you need to sit down and have a very serious talk with him about what you are thinking before actually dumping him because of this. If you love him as you say you do then you need to talk seriously about where this relationship is heading.

Link to comment

Cat lady, I think what we are telling you is that you need to take responsibility for communicating with him. We're not telling you that you must stay in this relationship, just that you need to get your thoughts together and start talking. I highly doubt he really knows how serious these things are to you.

 

What I am finding more troubling is that you seem more comfortable breaking it off than talking to him about all of this.

Link to comment

He is very hard to talk to. When I try to have serious conversations with him about our relationship, he just brushes them off and says things like "we just need to spend more time together" or "we'll compromise". His idea of compromising in the past was that he gets what he wants, and I just go along with it. I have tried to talk to him several times in the past few weeks with no luck. I want to work things out, but he doesn't want to work on the problems that we are having, and I don't know what else I can do to fix the relationship.

Link to comment
He is very hard to talk to. When I try to have serious conversations with him about our relationship, he just brushes them off and says things like "we just need to spend more time together" or "we'll compromise". His idea of compromising in the past was that he gets what he wants, and I just go along with it. I have tried to talk to him several times in the past few weeks with no luck. I want to work things out, but he doesn't want to work on the problems that we are having, and I don't know what else I can do to fix the relationship.

 

This is exactly what I was told. I was also told "I should have known she was unhappy". Perhaps the reason I didn't know was because she didn't tell me (!!) and saying someone is too difficult to talk to isn't much of an excuse.

 

Write a letter, message him and tell him you need a serious conversation. He needs to know how serious you are. I got comfortable in my relationship, I thought we were solid as a rock but had she had communicated with me and told me in her own way that the relationship was on the line I would have taken notice. It would have scared the *** out of me.

Link to comment
He is very hard to talk to. When I try to have serious conversations with him about our relationship, he just brushes them off and says things like "we just need to spend more time together" or "we'll compromise". His idea of compromising in the past was that he gets what he wants, and I just go along with it. I have tried to talk to him several times in the past few weeks with no luck. I want to work things out, but he doesn't want to work on the problems that we are having, and I don't know what else I can do to fix the relationship.

 

Then you have to make it clear that you are not happy with the way things are and that it is making you think twice about the future of this relationship when he refuses to address the issues.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...