Should i text him or not??

[AudreyNicole]

So, this is kind of a long story. But i am really confused and i don't have a lot of friends here where i live so i was hoping somebody could help me out.

I am 19 and so is my boyfriend. We started dating in Oct. 08, our senior year of high school and have been together up until about 3 weeks ago. So we were together about a year and 7 months. We are now both in college and go to the same school, we pretty much shared our lives for the past year and a half. We were each others first everything (first love, first relationship, first kiss, etc.) and because of that i feel our relationship is extremely unique and very special.

 

So anyway that all ended 3 weeks ago when he told me he didn't love me the same anymore. He said he loved me more like a sister or like a really good friend, which at first upset me but after thinking about it i could say i feel the same way. But i think what's happened is we've reached that stage in our relationship known as the "companionate" stage so all the initial excitement and sparks are gone. Well to him this is not loving me anymore, to me this is just part of the process. But we talked about it and decided taking a break would be good, and then ideally we would get back together and start out "fresh" in our relationship and hopefully re-ignite all those initial love sparks. Well at the time i thought it was a great idea and it even felt kind of relieved calling things off, but now after all this time I'm starting to get scared.

 

I've always kind of felt a break would be good for us. I mean we had been fighting quite often and we had been together a very long time, i felt like a break might help us to re-find our love. I was just always to scared to suggest it to him because I was afraid it would be the end. I love him to death, i don't want to stop loving him. He means to world to me and the thought of losing him completely or this being "the end" makes me sick to my stomach. But after talking it out together he said he wants to remain friends because he can't lose me completely either, then i asked him if he could see us getting back together in the future and he said yes. So that really reassured me and helped me to be ok with the whole break thing. But now after all this time I'm starting to get scared.

 

We hung out once last week as "friends" and we've texted on and off, but the thing is i was always the one to initiate the talking. So i decided to not text him and see if he contacts me first and he hasn't in 2 days. So i guess that's where in confused and where i need help.

 

Should i text him or not? I feel like i need to let him know i'm here and i still love him and still want to talk to him. But at the same time i feel if i do that i might push him away from me. I feel like i should leave him alone, go no contact, and give him tons of space away from me. I'm just scared if i do that he'll forget about me; or worse, he'll think i don't like him anymore and move on If anyone has any advice please help. I need all the help i can get. I'm so confused on what to do. Sometimes i wish i could just read through the male mind. Thanks

[abitbroken]

If you are always the one to contact him, I would lay off for a bit. I don't want to tell you to not do what you feel, but I probably wouldn't contact him to give yourself time to heal. Also there is the "if you don't go away, I can't miss you" theory. I don't necessarily think that you are merely in the "companion phase." To me, now that the initial infatuation has worn off, I feel even closer to my boyfriend. We are not fighting. It is just that when we spend time together, we relate on a deeper level and its not just all about kissing and flirting. And I am content to spend time with him no matter what the activity is - i don't just "have to have" physical affection or if it doesn't happen I am bummed. I think that maybe you had growing paints - college is a major step in life and maybe you both feel the relationship has run its course or you need to do some growing on your own.

 

I think as far as reading the male mind - he was pretty clear. He doesn't see you two together at the time being. He doesn't dislike you - he probably still cares for you, he just feels more like your brother at the present time.

[abitbroken]

PS: if you have anything important to say, the best bet is to say it in person. Texts sometimes get lost and they can be kind of impersonal.

[AudreyNicole]

Thanks. I really feel like not contacting him would be good for both of us. Its just hard cuz i feel like he's going to forget about me, or think that i have forgotten about him and move on. At the same time i want to give him space to miss me. I just hope he really does miss me and doesn't just forget about me.

[abitbroken]

Thanks. I really feel like not contacting him would be good for both of us. Its just hard cuz i feel like he's going to forget about me, or think that i have forgotten about him and move on. At the same time i want to give him space to miss me. I just hope he really does miss me and doesn't just forget about me.

 

He'll never forget about you because you are his first everything. It doesn't mean you'll ever be together, but you will never have never existed. I would just not contact him. if he contacts you, don't act as if you were just waiting for him to call. if he leaves you a text or Vm, don't respond immediately

[jimbojones100]

Yeah I agree. Wait and see if he makes contact at all.

[AudreyNicole]

ok thanks. I'm not gonna contact him at all. It's just so hard though I guess I'm just hoping he will miss me enough to want us back together. I'm trying to be strong and hopeful and confident; and I'm keeping myself as busy as possible. But still i cant stop thinking about him every second and that's what's killing me. I miss him so so much its ridiculous. And i hope he misses me too.