What would you do?

[Feel alone]

Someone told me this story from my church and I was outraged. One of our members is apparently married to a man who is an alcholic. He had stopped drinking for years and recently got drunk again. This man's wife is the sister-in-law of one of our Assistant Pastors. When the man drinks, he has gotten violent and physically abusive to his wife. On the day he got drunk, his wife called her sister, the Pastor's wife, and asked that she come and get her as she was afraid. The Pastor forbid his wife from going to get her sister. He said that it would place his wife in danger. The sister not only did not go and get her sister, she did not call her back until the next day.

 

I have known women that sufferd abuse from their husbands. Most of the time they end up staying in the situation as they have no where to turn. I think she would be safer in getting to a shelter; but, on that day, she needed to get out of the situation right away before he hurt her. She does not have a car of her own.

 

I think that they could have devised a way to get the woman out of there without placing the sister at risk. I just can't believe that she treated her sister with what, to me, is total disregard and compassion. I am further appauled that the Pastor "forbid" his wife from going. First of all, what man thinks he can forbid his wife from doing anything? What Pastor would refuse help and shelter to someone in these circumstances? Nonetheless a relative? What sister would "obey" her husband and fail to rescue her sister?

 

A number of people in the church know about this as the Pastor's wife told us about it. This I also think is horrible. Some members want to tell the chief Pastor about what the Asisstant Pastor has done, or failed to do. (I should add that this guy is not a young Pastor.) I think we should concentrate on finding a way to get to the other woman that she is in our prayers and offer her our support. What would you do if your sister asked you for help like this?

[waveseer]

I would not hesitate to call the police.

[Feel alone]

Yeah, I thought of that, but at the time she called her sister, the guy had not become violent. The woman's fear was that he might, at least this is how the story was relayed to us. If he had done nothing other than get drunk in his own home, calling the police would not have helped anything and may have aggravated the situation. I think the woman wanted to avoid being abused and wanted to just get out of there before it happened.

[livinginsbi]

If the man was afraid for his wife's safety, then HE should have went with her to get the sister.

 

It takes all kinds... my a-hole brother in law refuses to go to any family functions because my (now ex) husband and I split up and he remembers how hard his break up was with his first wife (over 20 years ago).. whatever dude... and my brother in law is a 'religious' man.. heh.. right!

 

I think you are right, the concern should be to get the woman out of harm's way.. talking to this pastor won't do anything.. more than likely.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Are you really sure it was the Assistant Pastor who told his wife no. There are lots of people who place the blame on others when it was really their decision. It is very possible this woman herself did not want to go so she created a story blaming her husband when it was she herself that made the choice not to help out. I would not be so quick to take this to the Chief Pastor. All you have is this woman's story blaming her husband. Who knows what the real story is.

[Feel alone]

Oh what a smooch your grandson is!! He is looking right at the camera too. I say the kid is a bright one for sure!

 

Yeah, my thinking was along the same lines as your's. This Assistant Pastor once told me that he will not help anyone that is not a member of the body of Christ. I asked him how he knew when someone was of the body of Christ. He said because he knew scripture. I reminded him that Jesus sat with sinners and ate with them and that maybe he knew scripture, the Word, but not the Spirit of the Word.

[waveseer]

Yeah, I thought of that, but at the time she called her sister, the guy had not become violent. The woman's fear was that he might, at least this is how the story was relayed to us. If he had done nothing other than get drunk in his own home, calling the police would not have helped anything and may have aggravated the situation. I think the woman wanted to avoid being abused and wanted to just get out of there before it happened.

 

The police could have separated them with or without an arrest on a domestic disturbance call.

[livinginsbi]

Oh what a smooch your grandson is!! He is looking right at the camera too. I say the kid is a bright one for sure!

 

Yeah, my thinking was along the same lines as your's. This Assistant Pastor once told me that he will not help anyone that is not a member of the body of Christ. I asked him how he knew when someone was of the body of Christ. He said because he knew scripture. I reminded him that Jesus sat with sinners and ate with them and that maybe he knew scripture, the Word, but not the Spirit of the Word.

 

Not to get off on a religious topic, since that's not allowed, but I agree with you totally.. that's what my BIL claims too, that he is following scripture.. well I hope he has a good explaination when the time comes, I thought we were supposed to show love and compassion to everyone and not judge.

[Hermes]

I thought we were supposed to show love and compassion to everyone and not judge.

 

That is the general idea. Few put it into practice.

 

H

[Feel alone]

I think people fail to practice it because they have yet to understand what love and compassion really are. They don't understand when the opportunity to practice it is staring them in the face.

 

In this guy's case, I fear he uses his place as a Pastor as an excuse to see himself as standing above others. In some ways, he is a really nice guy. He helps to support his own sister who is a single mother. But, he fails to display compassion for his sister-in-law.

[RedDress]

This is a tough call. I wouldn't go to the chief pastor because all you have is gossip. You don't know the whole story. You weren't there. You really have nothing to say... I agree with the other poster who said it could have been the wife who decided not to step in (after saying she would). Maybe she simply confirmed this idea with her husband who agreed it would be a bad idea. And frankly? It is a bad idea.

 

I don't know that the police would do much. I once called the police while watching a break-in and they never showed. They never showed! I'm not convinced they would show or would do anything while there is no disturbance going on.

 

If it were my sister, I'd tell her to take a cab and pay for the cab when it got to my house. I mean... if she is not in immediate danger, she can use the phone and she can leave...

 

In addition, I would look for some sort of councilling. You don't know... maybe the assistant pastor is councilling her. Maybe she calls every weekend. Maybe she's just refusing to leave... You really don't know the whole story. I'd stay out of it.

[Feel alone]

Oh, I am staying out of it. You are right, we don't know the whole story. I do know the couple in question as they attend our church. The wife is very sweet and quiet. The husband appears to be as well. The wife is a professional that has been unemployed for sometime. These types of things do create problems in the strongest of marriages. From what the sister told, this just happened. According to my sources, the sister said that there has not been a problem with this in years and, at that time, the couple was living in another state. Due to something I saw occur at a church dinner, I seriously doubt the wife received counseling from the Pastor. He was very rude to them at this time. They moved here three years ago. The wife grew up in our church.

 

However, I do dissagree with having the woman call a cab. Because I doubt she can afford one. The sister is well aware of this. From what the sister told us, she just told her no because of her husband. This is the thing that this gets to, most abused women stay with their abusers because they have no where to turn. Professional women are especially embarrassed to even discuss it with others. The sister could have gotten her to safety and helped her to work out a plan, going to a shelter or something like that. There is no way in the world I would have left my sister in danger. I wouldn't leave anyone in danger. I don't care what my husband told me. I would figure taking care of my family was my business and he had better not stand in my way when I go about it.