24 yr old virgin,never kissed a girl. Any hope or should I just give up?

[Ultimate Loser]

Hey guys and gals,

 

I'm wondering if anyone here can give me any advice because I'm getting dangerously close to the end of my rope.

 

As the title says I'm a 24 year old male virgin who has never even kissed a girl, hell I've never even held hands with a girl outside a situation that we were forced to (school etc). If their is one word to describe me, it is lonely.

 

I had a * * * * ty school experience growing up which caused me to clam up and become very shy so I've never asked a girl out on a date or just to hang out. This was compounded by the fact that I never had a father, older sibling or even knowledgeable friends to guide me on how to act around girls.

 

I've also never had that many friends so my social skills are terrible, not helped by my awkwardness and bad social anxiety. Parties? HA! Who would invite me to one? Doubt it will ever happen.

 

I am really beginning to think that I have lost out on any chance to be normal and will be the lonely creepy guy forever, I mean what girl would want a guy my age who has ZERO experience whatsoever?

 

Every day I'm surrounded by happy couples enjoying each others company and it almost kills me to see that, I actually feel a physical pain deep in my chest. I'm always wondering, why not me? All I want is someone to hold, someone to love, someone who gives a * * * * about me, but nope I guess that is too much to ask for, all I have is my dog, not even a single damn friend.

 

I can't stand Mondays at work when everyone is talking about the fun things they did with their buddies/partner on the weekend. What do I have to talk about? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

 

The only thing that is keeping me from killing myself is not knowing what will happen to my dog when I'm gone.

 

If you made it this far to end of my rambling loser story I thank you! I really needed to vent and get some of this pain out, I have no one in the real world to talk to.

 

If you have any advice at all for a loser like me please be as brutally honest as possible. Thank you again.

[LightbulbSun]

Dude, I'm 27 and in the same situation. I could have written this myself.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say you're not alone. There are tons of guys and even girls in your situation.

 

I'd highly recommend you visiting this website - link removed

 

That website has really been helpful to me.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you're not alone, man. And please don't refer to yourself as an 'ultimate loser'...you are NOT a loser.

[In the Dark]

There are a fair few men like yourself here.It's a sad but harsh reality which men do go through who are not of a caliber that a woman wants and or have a set idea of what woman should be interested in them.

 

More often than not....you have to make the advances.

 

And that the step you need to take if you are to get out of this situation.

 

Yes there are women out there who will see your situation as a red flag just like an employer wants a person with experience for the occupation.

 

But there are some who don't care and like in a job situation...

If you have the idea how to be in a relationship......why do you need to tell them as they will not be able to tell the difference.

[CRX-EF8]

Hey mate, I'm probably not the most qualified to give advice but I'll give it a shot!

If you're not happy with the way your life is, you've got to be the one to make the changes, cause trust me, no one else will. You want to improve yourself with women? There are heaps of ebooks available on how to attract women and some of these have certainly helped me. Do you have any hobbies/interests? Start going to events related to these interests, this is the perfect place to make friends as everyone is like minded, and once you have one friend, you get introduced to their friends and it snowballs.

 

I used to sit around waiting for other people to arrange fun stuff to do and expect to be invited but of course that never happened. when I got my first car I joined a car club and made an effort to go to meets and met some really good people, at first we only saw each other at car related events but now they are some of my best mates. These days I actually pick up the phone and organise stuff and it goes both ways. I make a conscious effort to be more outgoing and fun than I used to be and it really works.

 

You need to stop thinking of yourself as a loser who shouldn't bother trying, and start realising that like everyone else you have something to give. You may never be the hot stud who gets all the girls and everyone loves, but if you don't try, the rest of your life is gonna be exactly the same as it is now. YOU have the power to change your life. It won't be easy and it won't happen overnight but things will get better if you make the effort

 

I hope you get something out of this, and remember you're only a loser if you let yourself be, good luck

[scared and alone]

First, I am really sorry for everything you've been through/are going through. But, I do NOT think you are a loser or should give up. You are still YOUNG. And with that, you still have time to change. It wont be easy, but if you want it to be different, you can make it be. Believe me, I was never the girl that any boy wanted growing up. That was embarrassing and painful. I so feel you on that. But anyway, You might not know what you are doing but you can FAKE it, watch tapes, do whatever. I think with just trying it will get you confidence and make girls SEE you, maybe fake is the wrong word. Just, at least try to be more outgoing, flirt, laugh at their jokes, make them laugh. little things girls like. you don't have to be mr.popular to get a girl to like you. Just, try different things. Definitely don't give up.

[In the Dark]

There is logic to the madness scared and alone says about faking the confidence.

 

You know why?

 

Just like a job interview chatting to a female who you are potentially interested in is nerve wracking.

 

All sorts of thoughts come to mind which can cause us to behave weird.

 

Like not being able to think because of worrying you may say something which is going to make an arse of yourself.

 

It's all a mindset.

 

But once that part is over....we start to talk very comfortably to them.

 

It is all nerves until you are able to talk to them.

[Rosee]

If you had a physical problem that was seriously affecting your health and wellbeing would you go to a doctor?

 

I see a lot of people on here who suffer badly with emotional stuff but won't get any help..if it's gone as far as contemplating suicide then why not investigate getting some therapy..there's no shame in it, you don't have to tell anyone and if you get some type of behavioural therapy it can really help you to become more confident and secure in yourself and could then lead to dating and relationships..that's what I did anyway, I had cognitive behavioural therapy and it helped me a lot..my self esteem was rock bottom beforehand and afterwards I felt a whole lot better about myself.

[mmmd]

i agree with everything said above.

 

there's nothing wrong with going to see a therapist. that can give you a good place to start from.

 

secondly, you have to stop making excuses for yourself, because ultimately, it doesn't matter why you are the way you are - it's just a fact.

 

if you're hungry, you go eat. if you're tired, you go sleep. if you want to live life... well you have to make a conscious, concerted effort to do so.

 

go see a therapist and work through some of your issues. join a gym and start working out. go buy some new, sharp clothes.

 

write down a list of things you want to accomplish, then figure out how you're going to accomplish them.

[dancingcolors]

When I was 30, I got together with a guy who was 21, a virgin, and had never kissed a girl. I had been in a 8 year relationship before that. We were together for 2 years, and had a great relationship. We broke up because of age, I wanted a baby and he didn't. It was an amiable breakup, and all these years later (it was 27 years ago, he is my friend on facebook. He never did have any kids, and I have a beautiful daughter. Don't give up. there is still hope.

[veda999]

Some women find a male virgin refreshing and attractive. They will overlook your social awkwardness. What you need to do is build your confidence. You can get that through counseling, or you can read books on the topic.

 

Not everyone wants a jaded, overbearing egomaniac . . . you need to realize how valuable you are. And I am very touched that you worry about your dog. What about the dog park? Great place to meet people . . . or dog shows. Get out there and experiment.

 

All of us had less than perfect childhoods. You can overcome it.

[obs]

You have some serious self esteem issues you're going to have to figure out a way to get over. FWIW, I was very much just like you having never held hands, kissed a girl, and was a virgin at 29 years old.

 

You need to realize that you're not a loser. So you have problem with women. Big deal. Believe me, you're not alone. It will take some work, but you should focus on improving yourself and your self esteem. I started snowboarding, finished my degree, being more social in class, tried online dating, set some workout goals, etc. Work on your confidence and put yourself out there.

[Ultimate Loser]

Hey all,

 

Just got finished from a long few days at work and haven't had the time to read any replies yet, but THANKS!!! for taking the time to reply to my post.

 

Gonna start reading now....

[CRX-EF8]

any updates mate?

[BooDestroyer]

...

 

 

 

 

"Loser"?

 

 

 

 

 

"LOSER"?!?

 

 

 

 

Now, despite what the media and society (no better) may choose to say, saying that you've been single all along and a virgin up to this age range HARDLY makes you a "loser"!

 

Please don't FORCE yourself to have a girlfriend. As CRX-EF8 said, keep at life doing what YOU will. Don't let others get you down (and do not label yourself as a loser about it), just live your life along good making the best out of it and eventually, somebody may come along and will definitely want to be with you. And please never kill yourself over something like this.

 

Patience, despite what everyone else may say nowadays, is still a virtue, my friend.

 

While we're at it, look at this: link removed

Just read through a lot of those comments. This should keep you afloat for the time being until then.

[Denni]

To answer your question, simply and fairly! I say "NO" There are plenty of females out there who would find you attractive, I am certain! You just need to expose yourself perhaps in someway or another, and be patient!

[biddo]

as i read this i see alot of blame..... blaming ure situations on things u can't do anything about.

 

ONe advice to you count your blessings.

think and list all the things u do have as opposed to the things u dont have.

I bet u can list 5.

 

out of those five points i want u to identify key points to improve on.

 

example. You are a great listener. which means u are able to disect and annalyse situations.

talk to women, look at them like a sister and talk to them. learn things about them be genuinely interested in what they have to say. soon enough they will think u are a great guy and want to hang out with u or invite u to parties. Then watch how ure confidence will rise.

 

good luck with that.

 

and also FYI i am an only child, my dad died when i was 6 so u are definitely not the only with no father or older siblings to guide u.

u are a man and no one can take that away from u.

[shenmuefan]

First off you should not feel bad. At all.

 

I am 23 years old, and I am a virgin, and I have never kissed a girl either.

 

Yes, I've been on dates, yes I've hugged girls, but nope - never kissed or have had sex.

 

Secondly there is no reason to call yourself the Ultimate Loser. My life is just as good if not better than someone that has kissed a girl or has had sex. You should live the same way.

 

Right now I go out with friends on the weekends. I workout, I have a job and I have my own place. Is there any difference between my life and someone who's not a virgin and has kissed a girl? No, not really. I'm still having fun (if not more). I've dated girls but things never worked out. Oh well. That's just the way things go.

 

Oh, and let me also say - I don't care about the fact I've never kissed a girl or have never had sex. I really consider life like a book that's already been planned out. As each day goes by, another page does, another chapter, and so on. I'm just living my life fulfilling whatever was meant to be.

 

I'm not sure if this'll help - but I was dating a girl for a few months recently. We went to dinner. We saw movies together. Walked in the park together. We smiled at each other. It was great at the time. But in the end she didn't see it going anywhere. Instead of bathing myself in pity I accepted that fact, woke up the next morning, and here I am living my life no different than I was before.

 

I'm single now. The best thing I can do is live my life, smile at girls I think that are cute, say hello, ask them how their weekend was, and see what happens. The smallest things really can turn into big things. I know that I'm a handsome looking guy, and a great person. When the time is right, things will happen.

 

Until then, I'll just enjoy my awesome life and keep doing the things I'm doing.

[BooDestroyer]

Shenmuefan's got it right on the money.

 

Be cool about yourself as you go on. Kissing a girl doesn't just up and automatically make your life a lot better as it was before. Even if the girl doesn't feel like it could go on, accept it and move on.

 

Im 23 and in the same boat as you both. I'll admit, I used to be intensely hard-assed about this nonsense, but as I went on, I learned to kindly accept that this is just how it's happening for me right now.