im just hurting so bad, please help anyone

[hellohello1]

so my bf and i dated for over 2 years..talked about how we were the one for each other, he used to write me poems, all of this stuff..i can be jealous and controlling and i think he just wants his freedom and to go out with his friends without having to text me all the time. he broke up with me 11 days ago. but when he did he said things like its a distinct possibility well get back together, maybe ill miss you and change my mind, im confused about what i want, i have doubts. he deleted our pics from facebook but then said he saved them to his computer inc ase he needed to add them again. anyway to cut the story short we talked a little the next day, didnt tlak for a few days..then after a few days i said i feel like im in limbo and i need to know whether u r willing to give this is a chance or move on..so the next day he called me and he said i think we need to move on..he said he loved me and he was going to miss me, i told him we cannot talk to each other or be friends. i said i wanna be with him and he knows i wanna be with him bad. its been very painful..very painful...i just want him bakc so bad. i still have not accepted that it is over. i dont know what it will take to make me accept it is over. we used to spend literally every day together.

 

ever since, he has been adding all of these people on facebook and changing his statuses to things that prove that he can do what he wants and no one can tell him not to (something i used to do). like his statuses say things like "u know those really lame people who listen to music really loud in the car and dance? im one of thsoe people". just 3 weeks ago i complained when he was doing that in front of people. its pretty obvious he did this so he could prove that i cant tell him what to do. i think he is trying to prove a point that he can do what he wants. we had not spoken since tuesday. i texted him yesterday saying hey hows it going. i did not get a reply. then i (probably stupidly) texted him just half an hour ago saying hey, just want u to know ive been thinking about you, if you ever want to contact me feel free. and thats it. i do not plan on contacting him again after that if he doesnt contact me..

 

it hurts, especialyl because it was the weekend. we were supposed to go on a day trip tomorrow. its painful because im pretty sure he was out last night getting drunk with his stupid friends, and maybe he hooked up wtih somoene. i am pretty sure you guys are just going to tell me to stop looking at his facebook and/or delete him, and to focus on me. i understand but why does it have to be so hard? his facebook status a few hours ago is "going horseback riding" i wonder if there is a girl he met (he went out for coffee with a girl from class last week)..ive never even heard about him ever wanting to do this. it just doesnt make sense, i really feel he is trying to prove a point. i know everyone is going to say dont play games with him, but i think he is playing games with me. its so hard having someone in your life all day everyday and then all of a sudden not having them..

[hellohello1]

whenever i start feeling better i end up crashing down..when he broke up wtih me he was kind of confused, and not sure of whether he wants to be wtih me, felt that breaking up with me was the best way to figure it out. and now all of these girls are telling him oh dont put up with that crap! u dont need her, u made the right decision, and his guy freinds are saying that to..theyre saying what they think he wants to hear. i know i cannot control any of this, it just hurts really bad..i want him to miss me and want me..i just want him to call me and tell me how badly he wants me to be his girlfriend.

[hellohello1]

please help anyone

[ToF]

Sweetie, you need to go out and get your mind off of him. Sitting here dwelling is only going to make this much, MUCH worse for you.

[hellohello1]

im going to sex and the city in about 2 hours. it might help. but i feel that no matter what i do (whether at work school with freinds) i cannot get my mind off of him. something always reminds me of him..

[ToF]

Trust me, you're not the only one. It's totally normal to feel this way. I think it's awesome that you're going out tonight! I think you're going to have a lot more fun than you expect. If you let yourself, that is.

 

It's fine to have him in the back of your mind. I know that's really, really hard to get rid of. But if you try to let other things fill your life and your thoughts, it makes getting through the day easier. Right now, all you need to worry about is getting through the day. Don't think about what happened with him, because that's in the past. Don't think about what's going to happen with him, because that's in the future, and to be honest you have NO control over it. So think about today, and the fact that you have things you want/need to accomplish. Then devote yourself to doing those small things.

 

Before you know it, it's a new day. And after a while, one of those days will be THE day that you start feeling okay again.

 

Hope that helps.

 

-Twist

[hellohello1]

i appreciate it. i really do. i logically understand that in my head, its just so hard to actually do it. i really do appreciate it a lot..thanks..its just soooo hard

[hellohello1]

additionally, i really should never contact him again should i? at least not for a while, like several weeks (we still have things we need to exchange)..please tell me this..its hard to stick to it..

[ToF]

No, definitely don't contact him. Not only will with set you back further every time you do it, but it will make you look clingy and needy in his eyes, which is no good.

 

I know it's all easier said than done, but countless people have gone through this successfully (myself included ). So it's completely, totally, utterly doable. Fake it until you make it, if you have to.

[dre760]

This is almost exactly my situation but I'm a guy. My ex and I hung out everyday. I was a very jealous and controlling person. When I got dumped went through everything you are going through. I couldn't stop thinking about her. Everything I saw/did made me think of her. I constantly was checking her fb, and looking for ways to get her back. I begged for a day or two then texted her asking to hang out and got denied. I then went NIC (not contacting her first) and this eventually led to her contacting me more and more but she then stopped all of the sudden. Found out she got a bf and haven't heard from her since other than her wishing me a happy bday.

 

Let me tell you that I regret everything. If i were to do it all over again I would have went NC right from the get go. I am convinced that if I did this I would either 1) be completely over her or 2) have her back.

 

I was constantly there for her and made her transition go smoothly. When someone dumps you, you cannot be there for them. They always want to talk or always want something from you but they never want you back. This will mess with your head and prevent you from healing. Everything he does, you will always be thinking if he did it cuz he wants to get back with you. The truth is, they almost never do it cuz they want u back. They are either being selfish and doing it for themselves, or they're doing it because they feel guilty.

 

Now I know you want him back as soon as possible but know this: t

The sooner you get back together, the more likely the relationship will fail again. You need to take this time to fix your problems so they don't reappear in the next relationship. Look very closely at you past relationship. Ask yourself, were we really good together? Did we fight a lot? Is he really as good as I remember?

 

Sorry for how harsh this sounds but the odds are you will not get back together. Yes, it happens more than people think. But only if you handle the situation properly. So far, I do not think you are handling it very well. Dont worry though, we all make mistakes early in the breakup stage. It is time to get back on track.

 

Lucky for you, guys tend to come back more than girls. (Don't ask me why lol)

 

First thing you need to do is stop contact with him completely. Ignore his texts, ignore his calls, DO NOT LOOK AT HIS FB!!! and do not text or call him. I can't tell you how important all this is. When you texted him and he ignored you, this made you think and miss him more and more. Imagine what this would do to him if you, the dumpee, who he expects to be chasing him, starts ignoring him. This will make him miss you and think about you more and more. People want what they can't have. Right now he knows he can have you whenever he wants. You need to show him that you are gone and he can't have you whenever he wants.

 

Now I don't want to give you false hope, but I can almost guarantee you he will contact you if you go NC. There is no time frame on how long it will take. All situations are different. If the relationship meant anything to him, then I'm sure he is missing you and I'm sure he is thinking about you. This does not mean he wants you back and does not mean he is planning on getting back with you.

 

Soo, go strict NC immedietly after reading this. It will be tough and you will have terrible days. You got to hang in there and keep a positive mindset. Tell yourself, "I will be fine." Whether you get him back or not.

 

One more thing, you should be doing all these things for yourself. Do not take all these steps just to get him back. If your doing it just for him, then you will never heal and will extend your pain for much longer than it would normally be.

 

Hope this helped. Hang in there and feel free to ask me any questions you might have.

[so-lost]

Sweetie your ex sounded like a guy I went out with last year. OMG....I was going thru the same s**t as you last year and he made is really bad on me. he did the same thing as ur ex bf does on Facebook and MSN. He wanted me to suffer coz he is a total scumbag. I was dwelling in that brokeup so badly especially I lost my job for few months meaning I have extra time to dwell on it. He got a new GF 1 week after he dumped me. He was very abusive too, verbally and controlling and jealous and needy and sticky. I didnt know WHY I even love him. Now thinking abt I think I was BLIND to even went out with him. This year he has the guts to call me and told me he broke up with that woman coz he found that she has mental illness bla bla bla.....I was like...."congratulations"!!! Serve you right!!!!!!!!!

 

I hope you wont b blind like me.....