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What do you do when you are threatened?


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This is a question for anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship.


Jealousy often stems from feeling threatened, or worrying if someone will take your S/O away from you.


How do you react when you feel threatened? For example, someone shows interest in your significant other and makes it very relevant to him/her.


I could go about this in a few different ways. According to the 48 laws of power, posing as a friend and working as a spy would be the most strategical. Instead of snarling at her, giving her dirty looks, and claiming my "territory" in an aggressive way, I could pose as a friend. Genuinely be kind to her, but don't reveal my true intentions.


The last thing I want to do is reveal insecurities. This could easily be taken advantage of. Also, I think men find it a turn off when a woman acts insecure.


So my question is: how do you react when someone else is interested in your S/O? How do you handle the situation? Do you just let it be, and see where it goes? Or do you put a stop to it and interfere? What sort of social engineering strategies would put you ahead?

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I believe in personal responsibility. In other words, I don't think that anyone can "take away" your SO since your SO is with you by choice. Only your SO has the power to decide where they want to be, how they want to act, how they react to situations, etc. To suggest otherwise is just... insulting.


That being said - of course I get jealous sometimes! Sometimes 'other' men and women can act inappropriately towards your SO.


If I am lucky enough to witness this (and yes, I think it's 'lucky' because it's revealing) - I take the opportunity to sit back and watch how my SO reacts to the situation. Someone who is truly committed is either oblivious to the advances or mildly uncomfortable with them. They will react accordingly.


If my SO reacts uncomfortably or appropriately to the situation... well... he's getting lucky that night! lol! If my SO reacts in a way I find offensive... well... it's time for me to dial back my emotions, take note of where he thinks our relationship stands and talk to him about it, if necessary. Or leave.


I think it's useless to be in a relationship where you can't trust your SO to make the 'right' decisions. If they can do that in front of you, what will they do when you are not there?


The situation is a blessing in disguise and quite telling.

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RedDress, I completely agree with you. It's useless to be in a relationship where you can't trust your partner.


...However this is the real world, and believe it or not, different situations can bring a certain amount of want or selfishness out of a person. Sometimes certain people can bring poor characteristics or flaws out of a person, regretfully. No one is perfect. Even though I trust my partner completely, the unexpected could always happen, and I most certainly do not trust any female out to get a man that's taken.


As far as the situation being a blessing in disguise... I completely agree with that too! Thanks for the reply.

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  • 1 month later...

i have dealt with this same issue reoccuringly in my current relationship. its new, about 1 month. my roomate is the person who has shown extreme interest which she has never done. its really annoying because she becomes a whole new person, new energy around him and always trys to look better than me with her comments, statements, etc. grrrrr

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the question is not how YOU act, but how your SO acts. If he/she is really into you, in a serious and committed relationship, then he/she should learn to tell the outside party that he's not interested in anything else. I don't think it's really up to you - be yourself, tell your SO if you're feeling a bit insecure (but don't be melodramatic, or make up tragic scenarios about that situation in the future), and you can tell from their reaction how he/she feels about you and the whole thing.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I would only address actions I witness personally. If they are spending what I feel is an inordinate amount of time with the other person or communicating with them and it hurts my feelings I would let them know. I don't believe in pretending I am not invested in the relationship because I believe it sends the wrong message. Above all, remain calm.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ive not had to address this yet and dread it cos, knowing the person i am i will self harm and torture myself over them together!

My SO would probably feel uncomfortable if someone showed an interest but he'd be polite about it, i personally would like it if he was rude and told an interested party to f""" off cos they know he is married!!!

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