End of 4th day "out"

[jd2007]

Well, I moved into a room share June 1st ("trial" separation), after a couple of months of awkwardness being under the same roof.

 

The first three days felt like relief, and I rode that wave as hard as I could.

 

The crash came today.. the shock realization that I'm no longer under the same roof with my daughters. I coped by going to the house, and spending this evening with them, 'til bedtime. My wife stayed in a separate room. That helped, but it was still hard to leave the house and come back here to go to bed.

 

My gut tells me that the sense of sadness and loss is just going to crank up even more tomorrow.

 

One day at a time, I guess.

[Heart On]

As a divorced mother who got primary custody of our 3 children(with no child support expected for their father, I might add) I wanted to send my deepest condolences for your loss.It isn't easy to end a marriage,but I can't begin to imagine being forced to walk away from my kids that way.(excpet when they are giving me a HARD time! lol)

 

With any luck your stbxw will show you compassion and consider your childrens need for you as the days grow long.I know I did and in the end,seeking a happy medium for our kids and allowing them to have as much contact with thier other parent is the MOST important part of divorce!

 

Hang in there.I know it doesn't feel fair at all to you.

 

Do yourself and them a favor......at the very least....call them everyday and remind them that you didn't leave them,you and your wife just couldn't find a way to stay together.Kids tend to feel abandoned and we get caught up in our own drama and sometimes forget that.

[lostandhurt]

Jd,

The highs and lows will come and go. In time things will begin to level off and you start healing.

When my son is not with me I take care of everything else so when we are together there are no distractions. As with you, the children need time to adjust as they often wonder what will happen to us after the divorce.

Do simple things with them. Go to the park, bike rides or movies to stay connected and relate to them more. Don't be the DisneyLand dad but make the time together quality time. This isn't fake, it is all you have right now and doing the best you can to make them feel like everything will be okay is very important.

 

This is not easy and it will get harder. As far as I have come I still have tough days. My son wanted to go back to his mothers early yesterday which hurt a little. It was nothing to do with me but my ego made it about me. In reality it was just 1 1/2 hrs early and most of that time would have been showering. So you see it is an ongoing thing everyone needs to adjust to and most importantly keep working on.

 

Keep busy and be the best dad you can be. If you try your hardest you kids will know and what else more is there than that?

 

Lost

[jenna-is-here]

Hi JD -

 

I can see the immense change you are going though. I have to warn you, in my case, I think I was in shock for the first two weeks, getting by on auto pilot, sort of manic in a sense. It all came crashing down and things really did get worse before they got better.

 

This is a huge change for you and your family. I think that sometimes separations can be a good thing. Both parties may realize they really DO want to be together once they are apart (or not) but this gives you both time to reflect.

 

I say, take it minute by minute. You and your wife will both be trying to get footing with the way things are now. And it is great you dont hesitate seeing your kids.