Jump to content

Pregnant and boyfriend's texting an ex...


QueenOfHearts8

Recommended Posts

I've been with my boyfriend for a while and I'm now pregnant and feeling betrayed and I'm not sure what to do. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant I snooped through my boyfriend's cell phone. I had suspicions that something was up when he got very paranoid when I simply touched his phone and moved it. He was wondering what I was doing with it and what I was looking at. Of course I wasn't looking at anything but it made me wonder why he was so frantic about it.

Anyway, I found texts to and from one of his ex girlfriends talking about how he wants her to be topless for him, he wants to see her in a lesbian porno, and he asked to meet up with her a few times when he told me he was going to the Gym. I'm not sure if he actually did meet up with her but I feel like a fool and a complete idiot. I consider this cheating since he broke my trust and went behind my back and crossed the line with flirting.

He claims the texts were "jokes", but I don't see him talking or "joking" to our other girl friends like that or lying about talking to them and doing stuff with them behind my back. He also gets very upset because I can't get over it. He expects me to get over all of this in less than a week since I found the texts and he gets really defensive and makes me feel bad. At this point I don't know what to do. Do I leave him because I can't trust him right now and are disgusted with the situation or do I stick it out and see what happens?

Link to comment

Getting defensive indicates to me he has something to hide! I'd kick him out and move on and find someone who is a better role model in your life and your childs life.

If he wants to text his exes then he can, he can be single and do it all he wants.

Sorry you're having to go through this while you're pregnant, it's stress you dont need.

Link to comment

I feel like it's worse that I'm already emotional and feeling insecure. Now I just want to cry all the time and throw up just thinking about what he did. I feel like all of my physical symptoms of pregnancy alone are amplified because of this. He doesn't understand and I feel like he's trying to show that he cares about me, but what he doesn't understand is that he shouldn't have done it in the first place and done something that intentionally hurt me. I don't care if he thought he were joking; he even told me that he would be upset if I received and sent texts like that to an ex of mine. And of course he added at the end of that statement, "Well, I wouldn't be snooping in the first place". Oh, okay...make ME feel bad, right?

 

I hate whenever I have a problem with something that he's doing and I try to approach him productively and respectfully, he wants to turn it around on me. I don't understand. As much as I'm happy to be pregnant and to start a new life with the little one, I feel horrible for my baby. I feel so sorry for them. I want their life to be perfect and for them to learn how to respect others' feelings and how to treat others, but their father would be a hypocrite.

 

Maybe I'm overreacting a little bit...I don't know.

Link to comment

I don't think you are overreacting.

 

If you two were just dating, I'd tell you to kick him to the curb. I mean... what the heck is that??? He doesn't sound very committed. And it's not cool - jokes or not - to talk that way to an ex. It's completely inappropriate. Completely.

 

But... you are pregnant... That means that you have to think of more than just yourself. You need to think of this baby too. This baby needs two parents. Ideally, two parents who are together.

 

Has he ever done anything similar? How long have you been together?

 

I'd be really, really upset and he'd FOR SURE know about my anger.

 

I am SO sorry you are going through this right now...

Link to comment

We've only been together for about a year now. He hasn't done anything similar other than flirt with women, but he's told me about that or I've seen him do it. The flirting doesn't bother me, it's the lying and him hiding things from me, especially with an ex girlfriend that he's being pretty graphic with.

My boyfriend and I live together and I'm just about three months pregnant. He's come to every doctor's visit so far and each time I had to go to the ER. He's excited for the baby and I do love him, but I don't know how I'm going to get over this and how I'm going to know that he's not doing it again. He says that he won't do it anymore and he'll stop talking to her, but he told me that he stopped talking to her before this even happened.

Link to comment

Don't feel guilty at all. Who has done the worse offense, you or him? Clearly he did. He betrayed your trust, emotionally cheating on you while you are pregnant with his child, and you had reasonable suspicion of him. I think you are completely justified.

 

You should tell him that you saw those messages from him to his ex, and say that he completely disrespected you and that you deserve better.

Link to comment

Cut him off. Sorry, but it has to be done.

 

If he were truly sorry, he would chase after you like hellfire and never let go. He seems incredibly immature to me. I gather you might be worse of with him than without him.

 

What are your deep feelings about it? What does your intuition say about it?

Link to comment

You have reason to be afraid for your child. I completely understand. My husband has a porn addiction ( no it isn't just looking and being fine). It has completely tested the limits of our marriage and my trust in him. It's a little more intricate than that, but there are the basics.

 

I stayed with my husband for the babies, (We have two).

 

I have been dealing with emotional issues he has for a long time.

 

I have to say that it is less stressful for me to have his help, and dealing with his emotional issues than being a single mother/alone with babies.

 

Every marriage has it's problems, every relationship has it's quirks. It's really up to you what you do.

 

My husband and I get closer everyday, and I do love him. I am still upset about things he has done, but we are working on it.

 

I am finding new ways to deal. We were at a restaurant and he started checking out the hostess the other night. So then I noticed...WOW, our waiter was HOT. And so was that one, and that one....and there were lots of guys there working! LOL

 

He noticed my checking them out, I think....

 

Can you wait and see, and not make rash decisions? Is there a way to get therapy?

Link to comment
I don't think you are overreacting.

 

If you two were just dating, I'd tell you to kick him to the curb. I mean... what the heck is that??? He doesn't sound very committed. And it's not cool - jokes or not - to talk that way to an ex. It's completely inappropriate. Completely.

 

But... you are pregnant... That means that you have to think of more than just yourself. You need to think of this baby too. This baby needs two parents. Ideally, two parents who are together.

 

Has he ever done anything similar? How long have you been together?

 

I'd be really, really upset and he'd FOR SURE know about my anger.

 

I am SO sorry you are going through this right now...

 

I completely disagree. The child needs to have two parents that can teach him/her about PROPER adult relationships. The child will not learn that from his/her biological father.

 

OP, I think you should listen to the people suggesting that you leave and find someone who will respect you. His actions are completely disrespectful and the fact that he's defending them and making excuses leads me to believe that he does not want to change.

 

Good luck!

Link to comment

The difference, here, being that instead of a porn addiction, there is active emotional cheating, at the very least.

 

Also, there is that basic difference between an addiction and behavior that is blatantly disrespectful. I very much doubt that there is an addiction to "flirting" present in OP's boyfriend.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...