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ive been having mixed feelings sense we broke up.


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i guess mixed feelings is an understatement. ill explain what happened so it will all make sense. i apologize if this ends up as a lot to read, but i feel it may help me to get my feelings out. my ex and i are both 18.


so my ex and i where together for about 2 and a half years. we just broke up about 3 months ago. the first year of our relationship was great. we had fun got along and discovered that we both loved each other. at the year and a half mark, i started suffering from agoraphobia. i would get panic attacks just going for walks around the block. so i started becoming a hermit crab. staying inside, and never really going anywhere. this really messed up our relationship. we constantly argued. i got jealousy issues. and to keep it short. we started to become unhappy. we broke up a few times. but ended up going back. out after we decided the relationship was worth it. and that we didnt want to lose each other. so things went on we argued and fought because i was always grumpy and upset. and to make matters worse i was never able to get a job. so we fought about that.


at about the 2 year mark. i started getting over my agoraphobia. i was able to go and do pretty much what ever i wanted. we started going out more. like bowling, to the movies, out to dinner. it seemed like things were getting better. but not completely. we still argued once in a while. i sometimes found my self being rude, or obnoxious. but things were getting better for the most part.

but about 3 weeks ago, she called out of no where, and said it wasnt going to work. she said for 2 main reasons. shes leaving for collage 60 miles away. and the other is cause i still didnt have a job. it took me by surprise. i was really upset. i did the whole please dont break up with me act. i tried to tell her how much i loved her and that i would get a job. but ive said this before. so i think she took it as all talk and no action behind it. for the first few days i tried to text her and call her occasionally. we did talk a couple of times. she told me she still loves me and cares. but she though it just wouldnt work long distance, and i dont have a job still so it just wouldnt work. she did come over once for about an hour. we got along fine, i noticed she was looking at me alot. i gave her a foot massage. and i walked her to work. we even held hands. the next day i asked her why she didnt mind still holding hands, or being close. and she was like well you started it. and i said something along the lines of you could of stopped me. and she said well so. so i dont fully understand that.


well its about 3 weeks today sense we broke up. i dont really get whats been going on with her the past 3 days. she says she doesnt want to talk to me cause im an ***. i was able to get a job a few days ago. i mentioned it to her. she congratulated me and said just because i finally got my act together doesn't mean she'll take me back.... so we havent talked for a day or two..


im trying my best to stay positive. but im starting to realize that shes going to be leaving soon. i dont want to leave with out at least seeing her one last time. and idk if she would still feel the same way. she says she still loves me.. i know i should keep working on moving forward with my job now. but i still think about her. i really do love her.. we've been through alot. i just dont know what to do right now. she said she still wanted to talk after we broke up. cause she misses me and she wants to still be kinda close. but as friends... idk what to do. im getting my self together. and i want to show her im not all talk. that i can handle a relationship if we were a few miles apart. ive been trying my best to refrain from talking to her. but i still miss her, i miss just talking about anything with her. she wasnt just my girlfriend. she was my best friend.

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