AutumnBorn Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Is your ex as angry as mine? Lashing out at you even though s/he left you? I finally figured out why my ex is so angry and ugly, and I'm sharing the end of my story and revelation below, but I want to hear from other people who have or are dealing with an angry ex. I'm trying to figure out how to interact with him now that it's all so much clearer (thanks to Al Turtle and the seeds of understanding that have been planted here). Any suggestions? NC is not an option - we have kids, property, and some money still tied together because of the house. WHY WE REALLY ENDED AND HE'S ANGRY by AB My ex was and is a master manipulator. He loves a good head game, has to win at all costs, has to be right at all times. Prior to his leaving, I'd made my expectations known and said I wasn't going to settle for less than a husband who was loyal and faithful. Not one to be "controlled", he continued doing what he was doing, only more openly, and taking it even further. He became passive-aggressive, said cruel, ugly things, and, finally, moved out. He attempted to make me jealous, pushed my buttons, and did thoughtless things. This was a feeble attempt to make me uncomfortable enough to love him and meet his needs, just as babies and children do in order to get their needs met. He's angry because I was supposed to plead with him to come back and I didn't. I filed for divorce. When I said I was filing, he didn't believe it. When I was drawing up the papers, I was just raising the stakes. He wasn't going to budge because that would mean he'd lose. When he signed the papers, he was playing a game of chicken. When I mailed them in, he thought I was bluffing. I loved him too much to let him go, of that he was certain. I'd never even threatened divorce before. I was just going to take this all the way to the edge, but he wasn't going to back down. He really wanted to win in this power struggle. When I told him the Judge had signed the papers and we were officially divorced, he was shocked, felt sick. He'd lost, not realizing up to that moment I wasn't playing around. It wasn't part of our power struggle, as he assumed; it was me giving up. I had no idea until last week his leaving wasn't because he was unhappy - he was suicidal after he left, it tore him apart so badly. He just didn't have the skills he needed and we had the world's worst counselor. The divorce made him so angry, he still isn't over it. He's still lashing out at me. He must feel like I'm the one who quit. Link to comment
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