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ex - what to do :/

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My ex-boyfriend broke up with me over a year ago now. We'd been together for two and a half years, since we were 17 and came to University together. We constantly argued and I was just a nightmare girlfriend to be honest and he just didn't try hard enough.


I wanted to cut off all contact when we broke up but he didn't want that so we stayed friends and it was really great. We go out for drinks and meals together about once or twice a month and talk fine.


At the start of the break up i struggled with my feelings and whenever i saw him when i was out drinking it always ended up with me telling him i still loved him etc etc.


However, the past couple of months i felt i'd moved on finally and we were better friends than ever and it was really working in that sense.


Then about a month ago we were both out and very drunk. Somehow we ended up kissing - i initiated it - for quite a while. We then talked afterwards with him saying it wasn't fair to go back there and he said it couldnt just happen with no consequences and because it was me it would always mean something more.


I apologised to him the day after online and he just said that it was ok. I've only texted him once since about something trivial and it got to the point where things were coming up on his facebook that got to me, to do with other girls so i thought best to delete him as a friend on there, as petty as that is i felt i didn't have a choice if i wanted to get over things.


He texted me the next day asking if i'd deleted him and i said yes i had and i just thought it was for the best for me at the moment but that it didn't mean i didn't want to not be friends with him and that it was only facebook.


I've been finding it really hard not talking to him lately as he was one of my best friends and knows more about me than anyone else. i texted him apologising for deleting him and that i found it harder than seeing the things on facebook and that it was worth being friends with him even if it hurt me a bit. i just ended it with 'i hope you're okay ' and he said he'd understand and i should just do what felt right for me.


We talk again now via facebook and text and it's kind of flirty. I went round to his house the other day (his flatmate is one of my best friends) and I didn't see him but he text me as soon as I left saying i should have gone and said hi. He also said we should go out for a drink next week as we're both alone in our flats.


It seems the more he's nice to me, the harder i find it!


I just don't know what to do reallly or what anything means anymore. Any advice at all would be great!

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