3-6 month "seperation" or permanent break-up?

[8142]

My GF and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We just bought a house 2 months ago and have an 8 mo. old baby and so I was shocked when she asked for a seperation; especially since we had been in counseling and had made progress. We split up because she says that we are not compatible and that we have always had so many problems. I agree that we have had a lot of problems but things have gotten less and less intense and the compatibility thing has to do with her being a business woman and always haveing extra-curricalr activites that I can't always particpate in.

 

So in 3-6 months we are supposed to decide if we are going to make the split permanent or not. This week we had our once a week "special time" together and it went well with no fighting or arguing but she stated that she had a lot of anger and resentment from the problems in our relationship and all the nasty things i;ve said and done during these fights. I was quiet and just kept things kosher, A couple days later I called her to see how our son was doing and asked her the following:

 

"you mentioned the other day that you are still angry and resentful, and I would like to know if thats something you would like to see change|, She said "yes, of course I would". Which gave me hope, but then she read into what I said and continued, "wait a sec, we've only been seperated for 2 weeks and i don;t appreciate you pressuring me like this". She said, "I'm enjoying my time away from the relationship and I dont want to have to go through all this crap again., You might as well consider this relationship over and that there is very little hope for us getting back together, right now". She said, why don;t we just keep seeing each other once a week like we;re supposed to without even mentioning the relationship and seeing if anything happens?"

 

I guess I am just crushed by this and don;t really understand if we are moving ahead not knowing if we;re going to possibly forge a new relationhsip some day or if I am dead in the water in this relationship.

[digger11]

wow...

 

I am sorry but she sounds really unhappy which is very unfortunate becuase it sounds like you want to make things work. I don't really have a suggestion for you other than to maybe communication through letter/email

 

"I am sorry that you felt I was pressuring you as that was not my intention. I love you, want to make things work, and right now I want to know what I can do to move towards a future of us together" something along those lines?

[dr_styles]

Geez this makes me think she's going behind your back in some way. Saying you want to stick to a once-a-week plan is a hit though perhaps understandable, but she sounded very aggressive from those quotes you've given.

[Ms Darcy]

Geez this makes me think she's going behind your back in some way. Saying you want to stick to a once-a-week plan is a hit though perhaps understandable, but she sounded very aggressive from those quotes you've given.

 

I think she is what she says she is ... angry and bitter. She's resentful over the way that the relationship has gone. I think you have both done well to go to counseling, but sometimes there can just be way too much water under the bridge you know?

[8142]

Yes, unfortunately thats exactly what she says... Too much water under the bridge and I feel like complete garbage over that. What I struggle to understand is why she went forward with buying this house with me and we went throught the whole process of setting it up just how we wanted. Hanging picture, buying furniture together, even when deciding if we wanted to go forward with the purchase or not she said, I am committed to making this work. I'm speechless and heart-broken.

[Ms Darcy]

I understand how you feel and buying the house was definitely not a good move on her part. It sounds more like wishful thinking than reality.

[8142]

Okay. yeah, wishful thinking. My therapists' assessment is that she could never acutally commit. We got engaged, had a child, bought a house but never planned a wedding nor could she ever stop becoming defensive when the subject of her freedom and independence would come up. I don't honestly know if that is just convenient or if she is just not at the point where she wants to settle down. Could that assessment hold water?