courtney06 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 I typed a lot, so if you just want to get to the point please read the text in bold. The text that's not in bold just gives some background info to help figure out the situation. I am trying to figure out what my ex is trying to tell me indirectly. If you have any questions or if something sounds unclear, please ask me. My ex broke up with me about 4-5 weeks ago because he says we aren't compatible. I've been doing well with the NC (No Contact) thing. I've been talking to other men (not hooking up) and doing my hobbies. However, there are still some things I'm concerned about regarding my ex. He said he wanted to stay friends with me after he broke up with me and I was ok with that. However, he wasn't putting in the effort to be a good friend to me like I was to him. Every time I tried to discuss that with him, he would verbally abuse me. I ended up deleting him off my facebook. He had the nerve to make a nasty wall post about me afterward (he left my name out out of the post). A few days afterward, he texted me asking how I'm doing. I gave him one word answers and he had the nerve do point out that I gave one word answers (he told me to off the last time we spoke!). I told him that I was hurt and upset by what happened and that I'd rather talk about this. Basically, his response was that he was focused more on being angry at the time rather than talking it out and that he wants to talk but "he can't". I replied that if he wants to talk then I'm up for it. He didn't reply after that so I texted him the next day asking if we were still going to talk. No reply. A few days later, he posted on his wall on facebook "I miss you." I assumed he was talking about me which was a bad idea. I texted him that I miss him, too -- no reply -- so I texted again "please respond, it's ok". Still no reply. So I finally allowed myself to do NC and deleted his number because every time I would try to contact and he wouldn't reply and my anger would start all over again. Earlier this week, he "poked" me on facebook out of the blue. I do not understand why he did that. I poked him back and left it at that. I didn't try to message him, text, etc. Some people tell me he did that because he wanted my attention hoping I'd message him (which I will not do because I'm tired of him ignoring my messages). Some say he wants to keep me on a string. Others tell me he wanted me to look at his page because he's got all these poems on there. He wrote a few poems on facebook and sometimes I think they're about me but I don't know because he never puts a name in them. A few weeks ago they were negative and now I'm seeing love/desire poems. He's been flirting with this girl who is already engaged and has three kids (they may be about her). He is still complaining about his life and saying things like "I'm not waiting forever" and "there's a hole in my heart". I know one wall post was definitely about me that said "Moving on? ehhh" because I made a wall post that said that I'm letting go and moving on. I wanted to talk to him so badly because I wanted to get on good terms with him and have "closure", but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I think his idea of closure is nothing close to my idea. So I've decided to forgive myself and him. He is an idiot who has not had a positive father figure in his life which explains his actions. I forgive, but I won't forget. If he doesn't want me in his life he needs to leave me alone. The main reason he broke up with me is because we aren't compatible. I'm 19, in college, and want to have a good career doing something I love. He's 20, not in college, has a one year old daughter which he doesn't have full custody over, has a min. wage job and has to pay child support, and doesn't seem to care about where his life is going. He claims he's happy with the way his life is, but if that were the case he wouldn't clinically depressed. He enjoys life by smoking pot and playing XBox all day, while I love to go to go clubs just to dance. We got into arguments every other day. He treated me so well the first couple of weeks and then it just stopped. He started verbally abusing me and it was annoying when I'd spend time with him and he'd ALWAYS be texting people (male and female). It was so rude. I was aware the whole time he was out of my league and knew it wasn't going to work, but I was trying to force it (bad idea). I liked the "thought" of him, but I couldn't imagine myself being with him for the rest of my life. I wanted to help him improve his life which apparently was a bad idea because I ended up trying to change him which pushed him away from me. At first he wanted to improve his life, but I guess he changed his mind. Basically, just my presence was a reminder that he messed up his life. We've known each other since middle school so it was hard to let him go after the break up. I don't think we can ever be friends like we used to (as long as he keeps acting immature about this). We only went out for a month, but I guess since we've known each other for so long it made the situation more difficult. I even gave him some of my artwork because I didn't want to forget me (this was before he stopped talking to me). Now I regret giving it to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimbojones100 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 I'll be honest, i think he misses the attention and that's why he keeps reaching out to you. It sounds like you're better off without him at this point. You don't need to take that abuse from anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
courtney06 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 I'll be honest, i think he misses the attention and that's why he keeps reaching out to you. It sounds like you're better off without him at this point. You don't need to take that abuse from anyone. Really? If you are right, he is a true moron. He has people texting him 24/7-- he doesn't need my attention. He probably wants it because I was always willing to listen to him complain and give advice. I am sticking to NC. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimbojones100 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Yeah, the fact that you were able to go NC with him and you deleted him off FB sends him the message that you don't need him at all. I think he found that shocking and is trying to make himself feel better. Just my thoughts though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForumGuy Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 I think the attention thing is right. I am on my third time going NC (5 wks, 3 wks, this time 10 days now). Each of the first two times she broke down and contacted me, didn't do the ignore thing, but started with a "bang" and wanting to be friends, then diminished from there down to complete disrespect. I wouldn't allow your ex the "privilige" of being your friend...not yet anyway. As for myself, I know if and when she contacts me again, I won't be answering anything accept several attempts on her part at "I made a mistake..etc" They don't want you moving on....they don't want you but don't want anyone else to either.....who the fvck knows? I am just smiling knowing that she hasn't forgotten about me and probably thinks about me quite often....Most of her MySpace and FB comments are directed at me. I am working on not looking at her websites, like I did during the first 5 week bout of NC, was feeling pretty good when she popped up with hateful stuff along the lines of what you were describing. Why can't they just forgive and forget or whatever...for themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rigguy Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 You said it best. He wants you to play the "puzzle" game. Hence being friends, "I miss you" txts, random SN updates with no real action. Without action it is only a play to see whether you are available, don't pay attention. Think you know it already, so trust your instincts. ALWAYS. Likely games will go away eventually whether you play them or not but you will be better off never partaking in those games. Anyways think you are doing great. Cheers Courtney Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
courtney06 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 I agree, he doesn't deserve to have me as a friend for the time being. I'm glad you're sticking to NC, it took me 3x as well to finally stick to it (not counting the FB poke). Yea I got a feeling he doesn't want me to move on. His FB is full of complaints and feeling lonely. My FB is friends only, however, when I make positive posts about "moving on" and make sure it's set so everyone can read it because I know he's going to look. I do want him to come back and talk one day, but if he does he needs to be a man about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
courtney06 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 You said it best. He wants you to play the "puzzle" game. Hence being friends, "I miss you" txts, random SN updates with no real action. Without action it is only a play to see whether you are available, don't pay attention. Think you know it already, so trust your instincts. ALWAYS. Likely games will go away eventually whether you play them or not but you will be better off never partaking in those games. Anyways think you are doing great. Cheers Courtney Thank you Honestly, it's hard not to pay attention sometimes. I was doing well not looking at his Facebook until he poked me so now I'm looking again. I'll get over it eventually. I think I'm doing fine as long as I'm not contacting him or making wall posts about him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaylap899 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 that reminds me of my ex...He strung me along, which I know this guy is doing. You deserve better...F*** the closure, trust me...I wanted closure so bad, I would msg him, no reply, then sometimes he would reply...then he would put things up on myspace, which at first I would think could be directed at me, but he never mentioned names, and he was soo shady.. come to find out he was talking to other girls. Im hurt, but he knows I hate his guts, and I wont give him the satisfaction i of knowing im sad...im better then that and so are you. be strong...trust me. At the end of the day youll have your pride intact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
courtney06 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 that reminds me of my ex...He strung me along, which I know this guy is doing. You deserve better...F*** the closure, trust me...I wanted closure so bad, I would msg him, no reply, then sometimes he would reply...then he would put things up on myspace, which at first I would think could be directed at me, but he never mentioned names, and he was soo shady.. come to find out he was talking to other girls. Im hurt, but he knows I hate his guts, and I wont give him the satisfaction i of knowing im sad...im better then that and so are you. be strong...trust me. At the end of the day youll have your pride intact. Sorry you had to go through that, but it sounds like you're doing fine now so I don't feel so bad. I'm still somewhat hurt by what he did to me, but like what you said, I'm not giving him the satisfaction of knowing how I really feel. Yea I gave up on closure with him. I just got closure from within if that makes sense The more I don't contact him, the prouder I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winchester3 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 You could just get rid of the puzzle and forget about solving it. Is it really worth the stress and grief involved with solving it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
courtney06 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 You could just get rid of the puzzle and forget about solving it. Is it really worth the stress and grief involved with solving it? Haha yes, I could do that. Easier said than done, but I will give it a shot. He's not worth my time. When I was with him, my life went downward and things are better without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForumGuy Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 You could just get rid of the puzzle and forget about solving it. Is it really worth the stress and grief involved with solving it?No doubt about it. There is only a game if their are players. Mine is trying everything to get a response out of me, and just ain't happening....she is beginning to sound desperate (s.l.u.t.l.i.k.e) and probably doesn't even realize it, or doesn't care. I think it's great and am getting happier every day, even going on a date tonight with someone who talks well to me for a change! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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