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ups and downs


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my boyfriend of 2.5 years, the love of my life, broke up with me 9 days ago because he is confused and is not sure if he wants to be with me, needs time and space, blah blah..honestly this has been hell. but there are a few moments like right now where i actually dont feel completely terrible about the situation. is this normal? i have lost 7 pounds already and have had no sleep and extremely extremely upset. yet there a couple of times that for an hour or two i have actually started to think things will be ok..i dont know if it is false hope though..


for example: my facebook status today was "all i ask of you" which is a very romantic song from phantom of the opera that me and him used to sing together and i know it means so much to him (he is a romantic).


then, when he got home from class his status said in a completely incoherent state and may be in fact suffering from heart palpitations"


a couple of times during our relationship he got panic attacks if he thought iw asnt going to leave him (actual panic attacks). just 2 days ago is the last night we talked where he was crying and so was i basically saying we should move on for now..we still love each other, he needs to figure out if this is what he wants..i told him that we couldnt contact each other, but contact me if he wants to be with me. yesterday his mom told me he was really upset and sobbing and has been hurting...she said he needs to think about things and perhaps we should contact each other when classes end (2 weeks)..i do not plan on contacting him for at least 2 weeks


i dont want to read into his facebook status. i am almost certain that he saw mine as it was shortly before he changed his..it could have nothing to do with me though. i dont want to have false hope. i also dont want to delete him from facebook as he is also my best friend and although we need some space, he is very very important in my life..i believe that the facebook status is probably about me, and probably after he saw my status he thought aobut the song (it means very very much to him, like he has sang it to me and cried before)..but still, it doesnt mean anything..i dont want to get my hopes up..it did make me feel better though, and i have felt better for the past couple hours because of it. still though, i think in my head i know i shouldnt look into it..its so hard..

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Aww Just focus on taking care of YOU for now. He needs to be a big boy and lay in the bed he made for himself. I really don't understand how people can do something so permanent (aka dump someone) if they aren't even 100% sure that that's what they really want! He needs to come back on his own...don't try to influence him. Just respect his decision to end things for now. I know it's hard though. Do you think you could maybe take a few days off of school or work to go visit some friends or relatives? I might be a good idea to completely separate yourself from the situation for a couple days if you can.

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