I don't know what to do anymore! Help!

[tearsinmyeyes]

PLZ PLZ READ EVERYTHING OF THIS PLZ !

 

I really don't know what to do anymore

 

I have been trough 2 relationships before and it didn't worked out, they left me both and I would be so sad and broken...the first girl I loved I couldn't forget her for months and I wanted to suicide to stop the horrible pain...than after those two...I met...one girl online...and..we were just friends first...she just really helped me so amazingly and she changed me, made me a better man and I'm so grateful to God that I met her, she has the most beautiful name and smile that I ever saw...

 

We talk on msn almost the whole day, she always supports me and gives me advices...than one day she told me that she truly loves me since the first day she talked with me...I was amazed...she done it all from love...and I am just so happy with her...she knows everything about me...and she still loves me...she comes from a very far country...but she is so loyal to me...and she sacrifices a lot and would die for me...she knows also that I am sick, I have hallucinations and I'm depressed, the dr said I might have a type of schizophrenia but I don't believe him cause schizophrenic lose touch with reality which is not the case with me...

 

So I know her for about more than one year now, and we been together since 5 months, I love her to now, so much, I can't describe this love that I have for her, I would do anything for her...and she would do to and she proves it everyday...she doesn't care that I'm so sick and have no job,

she just wants to be with me...she doesn't need me but she is just loving me like crazy...

 

but...we have problems...hmm...

 

Lately it's been like a month, we started to argue like every 2 days, she misunderstands me or I misunderstand her and than we both make a whole drama out of nothing...she said the girls left me cause the problem is in me...

 

I wanna go see her next month and propose for marriage, I need to ask her family for her hand that's the way it goes there...but I'm really not sure if I'm the one for her...I'm really not sure if she'll be happy here, she has no family here and Idk if she'll have friends also...she says all she wants is to be with me cause she can't stand this long distance anymore, that we're so far away but I'm still asking myself cause we argue a lot and I manage to make her sad a lot of times even if I don't want to...and she makes me sad a lot of times cause she gets mad so easily everytime I complain about something, I mean I can't even be open with her anymore cause she gets mad a lot each time...

 

I am wondering how will we live like that...but on the other side I know that I'll never find anyone who would love me like that and I wouldn't love anyone like that to...so I'm stuck in the middle...part of me wants to let go cause I think she'll be a lot more happy there with some guy and she'll be next to her family to...but part of me doesn't wanna let her go cause I'll be so depressed and I'll never find anyone to love me similar...I'm so depressed, I'm alone now in my room writing this and hoping for a way out, for a way to make things better, for a way for us to marry and be happy together God willing...

 

I'm 22 also btw, and I hope you can help me to know what to do, I just am stuck in my life and I still am studying but I told her we'll get engaged now and marry once I find work God willing...I just don't know...and I'm so so so shy person and I feel like a looser cause I've done nothing in life it's so hard for me cause I'm sick...I really don't know anymore what to do, but I think I might be better once I marry with her...but still I doubt if she'll be happy, I just am really lost, my life is going to hell and I don't want her to suffer. I want only her to be happy always.

 

Do you have any idea plz help? ](*,)

 

Peace

[HouseKitten]

I really don't know anymore what to do, but I think I might be better once I marry with her...

 

Signing a piece of paper to legally join you as a couple will do absolutely nothing to resolve your issues, both your own personal ones and the ones you have as a couple.

 

Do not try and get this girl to marry you just because you think it will fix you. I can tell you right now, free of charge without the hassle of going through the wedding and then finding out, it will change nothing.

 

Is your doctor offering you treatment? I'm assuming you're not a doctor yourself - if a medical professional says you probably have a serious mental illness, I feel it would be far more in your interests to take him seriously and look into treatments available, not self-diagnose and decide he's probably wrong. That alone might help you on the road to a more stable situation.

 

If you want this girl to be happy then she probably doesn't want to see you feeling like this - go back to your doctor and talk to them about getting help. You mention that being sick is holding you back a couple of times but what are you doing to get better? Doing nothing solves nothing - take that first step and start working on yourself before you even think about proposing.