CntJstSitArond Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I just read this: "There is a myth that meeting singles and flirting is about being clever or witty. The truth is the top three qualities people look for in a first impression are warmth, genuineness and empathy, so think friendly when it comes to flirting." I'm wondering what do girls think about this. Is clever and witty not needed at all sometimes? What brings a feeling of warmth from a guy? I probably have a lot more questions to ask... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I'd tend to agree with that statement. But, I'd really need to see it in action to know if it was effective or not. Different approaches have made me interested. I think it all depends on the guy and how he goes about it. Link to comment
LonelyPast Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 That sounds like wishful thinking to me. Based on my own experiences I think confidence and a sense of humor are far more important! Just look at online dating for example. I'd say 3/4ths of the female profiles out there state that they're looking for somebody with a 'good sense of humor' or that can 'make them laugh,' but I can't even remember the last time I read that somebody was looking for a warm, genuine, empathetic man. Those are good traits to have, but frankly they're pretty boring and most girls really do just want to have fun! However, this might just be an age thing or bad luck on my part. Link to comment
CntJstSitArond Posted June 3, 2010 Author Share Posted June 3, 2010 That sounds like wishful thinking to me. Based on my own experiences I think confidence and a sense of humor are far more important! Just look at online dating for example. I'd say 3/4ths of the female profiles out there state that they're looking for somebody with a 'good sense of humor' or that can 'make them laugh,' but I can't even remember the last time I read that somebody was looking for a warm, genuine, empathetic man. Those are good traits to have, but frankly they're pretty boring and most girls really do just want to have fun! However, this might just be an age thing or bad luck on my part. actually, I think you are right... Link to comment
laboheme Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I would agree with that. Being clever and witty is not a necessity. However, they are very subjective standards. What is witty to one person may be dumb to another. If you have chemistry with a person, you may find yourself laughing at something that is objectively not funny at all. I look at it this way: witticisms CAN be a great way to put someone at ease and establish a feeling of warmth. However, they are not the only way, and sometimes, if you go overboard with your cleverness, the object of your affections may not be able to see past that and just assume that everything is a joke to you (which no one wants in a partner). As for the statements made on dating sites, it's much easier, more socially acceptable, and more casual to say that you're looking for someone with a sense of humor than for someone warm, genuine, and empathetic. It doesn't mean that they are not looking for those qualities as well. I've come accross several profiles of guys saying that they want honesty, warmth, etc. from a girl...and, honestly, while I do agree that those qualities are incredibly important, those guys made themselves sound a bit...desperate in their blunt honesty. Which, of course, is not attractive. I can't quite explain why I have that reaction, but it is what it is. Honesty, empathy, trustworthiness are all words that should not enter the dating scene right away -- not until a certain level has been reached. It's basically opening up too much, too soon (which works for some people, but not most). Of course, all of those qualities should be shown by one's actions from the very start...it's just that the words probably should not be said outright. As a side note, I agree with LonelyPast that confidence is incredibly important. Link to comment
easyguy Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 When you're confident and yourself, they all blur together. Flirting, humor, cleverness, wit, et cetera. You're just trying to make the other person feel comfortable around you. Link to comment
Seymore Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Warmth, genuineness and empathy are easily exploitable, so no, I do not believe they are key to flirting. I think they are key to getting yourself walked all over. Now, in the long run, after you have established a relationship with the person, I think those three have staying power, but as a first impression, no. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 depends on the person. most people don't put in those exact words, so you can't just say that. but most people i know likes warm people. one of my friends is really friendly and everybody loves her. she's just so genuine, you have to be a total d-bag to not like her. Link to comment
Purusha Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I have to say that kindness and empathy is the first thing that I look for in someone, BUT they also need to make me laugh - if it isn't fun, what's the point?! It's not so much that they have to be 'ba da boom', more that we have fun together and connect. I don't want someone to feel that they have to perform when they're around me - not in a comedic way anyway . Jesus, I feel demanding!! Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 I agree with that quote. I don't particular care whether a guy is clever or witty or not. Aside from being attracted to him aesthetically, I'd then like the guy to be genuine, not someone who messes others about, someone who is compassionate gets the thumbs up. I also don't like it when guys try overly hard to be witty just to impress someone. You can sometimes tell when they are trying to impress you with their wit and if I'm not attracted to him then no amount of wit is going to win me over. I'd also rather be with someone who couldn't add up or spell but who was thoughtful - than someone who was ultra-intelligent. Intelligence can be attractive if the person is attractive - but I'd rather they were thoughtful and compassionate first and foremost. Link to comment
xyzzzz Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 key to flirting is to be hot.If you are hot,warmth that's enough.If not,you have to be funny.... yesterday at library there was a HOT guy,but he isnt funny at all. Yet still the girl beside him laughed at every word he said.That was actually annoying cuz she sounds such a nympho Link to comment
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