How do I respond? What do I do? Mother/Daughter relationship

[cdmcbride]

Here is the email I received from my mom. Obviously I called on the wrong day - but I am not sure how to handle the fact that she did not call before her birthday was over to inform (or tease) me about the error. My brother did not call or send anything and he received an email about how cute he was as a baby and that she celebrated her birthday.

 

I am also concerned that her recent husband is buying her a mothers/grandmothers ring. Is this another issue?

 

Additionally, dad died when I was 8 after their divorce. Honestly, I don't know his birthdate.

 

For many years, mom has looked for anything to add to the list of my failures, etc. As a teen, I was a mess - and there was not much parental support.

 

My therapist, my husband and friends have told me to maintain my boundaries with mom - even sever the relationship completely. This is much deeper that the email - but with a quick preview, please provide some opinions.

 

 

 

Hi... hope you had a very nice.. but not to hot, of a trip to the Dells.

 

Always a fun place for the kids, ( no matter what the size ) ....

 

Thanks for your call on Sunday, regarding my birthday. Sorry I missed the call. I didn't have my purse close at hand and didn't hear the cell phone ring, as we were at a graduation party.

 

Today ( Monday ) I opened my birthday gift of a nightgown, and a mothers/grandmothers ring, from Roger. Just a small ring, but has all 6 stones surronding my dark green stone. Today I asked to go to the nursery and I made a stop at the fabric store too, so my day was filled with things I like. We cooked steaks, yummy.. and will have some pie later.

 

I know that it is difficult to remember holidays when they keep changing the "celebration date"... but my birthday doens't change... you have missed the date before, so it doesn't really surprise me.... at least you remembered !!!

 

THANKS... really, I mean it... It would hurt if you didn't remember me at all, so the exact date isn't important. Maybe if you remembered that your dads was on the 30th... and mine is the 31st. ... ... but being early is better than late...

 

Have a great week.

 

love

mom

[Catdancer]

I dont see any problem with her email.

[anggrace]

It does sound like she's guilt tripping you just a tiny bit. But I really don't think she's making an issue of it. As she shouldn't, neither should you. I would just let it go and not mention it again.

 

Why is it that you think her husband buying her a mothers day ring might be an issue? Not sure if im missing something.

[preciousgirl82]

She seems a little bothered by the fact that you got her birthday wrong. She wasnt too harsh though. I also want to know what you feel is wrong with the ring?

[KG]

She gave you a gentle jab, is all. I'd leave it alone, and make a note of her B'day.

[cdmcbride]

I am not sure why her husband is buying her a mothers/grandmothers ring. Is it normal for a man to buy his new wife a mothers/grandmothers ring? It seems weird to me.

[lovexo]

why is it weird? i dont see anything wrong with it? ..i dont understand

[cdmcbride]

What about my brother - not calling or anything? He was suprised that she didn't respond the same to him.

[preciousgirl82]

i think the ring is fine. You should be happy that he treats your mother so well.

And i think she was very nice about it. My mother wouldve been very hurt if i forgot her birthday but thats because birthdays are very big for us.

Maybe your mom expects more from you being her daughter, therefore she was more inclined to approach you quicker than her son. Or maybe her relationship with you in just different from what she shares with her son. Parents usually treat all their children differently. Sometimes for justifiable reasons, sometimes not.