mca1975 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Hi All, Everyone knows my story, I have just lost a baby and I left my partner and am now on the road to recovery. But I have just found out I am pregnant again!!! I'm so happy. I did a test this morning and it was positive! I don't beileve the father is my ex, it is with a friend that I slept with about a month ago. We have a history. I did not make this happen on purpose, but I couldnt be happier!!! I bumped into him and he comforted me and I was crying to him about the loss of my baby and how I was upset about leaving my boyfriend. I wasn't even thinking at the time about getting pregnant again. It's not the most ideal situation but it is meant to be, because it has happened. I feel so lucky to be in this position again and expecting. I know things can go wrong again though. !!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Best wishes for a healthy and smooth pregnancy and all the best in making whatever decisions are best for the baby and for your health. One thing I learned this past two years during pregnancy/having a child - the "it must be right because it happened" mostly didn't cut it as far as being responsible for making decisions about what was in the baby's best interests - instead it feels like "I made this decision and the buck stops here" as far as any consequences of that decision. Right now, enjoy the "I won the lottery!" feeling and I'm sure you'll move forward soon as far as taking whatever actions you need to take as far as what is best for the baby. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Have you had sex with your ex since you broke up - I mean, is there a chance that he might be the father? Did you use protection with your friend? Do you know how he might feel about having a child? I hope that he is on board with this and willing to be a presence in your child's life after the birth. Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinkz Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Congrats! All the best with your pregnancy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Have you had sex with your ex since you broke up - I mean, is there a chance that he might be the father? Did you use protection with your friend? Do you know how he might feel about having a child? I hope that he is on board with this and willing to be a presence in your child's life after the birth. Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy It sounds like MCA is focused right now on the "I won the lottery" feeling over and above anything else -my guess is she will come down to earth soon and deal with what is best for the baby in this situation (whatever that may be!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catdancer Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Congrats!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honexx Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 HAHAHA best wisheS for a healthy baby! and be healthy always Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Applewhite Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 So you got pregnant twice by two different men without trying by 'accident' and both times you were ecstatically happy as if you won the lottery as Batya says. I find that a little suspicious and hard to believe. I really don't think you should have been trying to have a baby when you don't even have your own living arrangements and income settled and steady and enough for you let alone the baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca1975 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 What a surprise that people are taking this attitude. I am not 18, I am 35. I am a grown-up. I know who I am and I know my intentions and I did not plan any of this and quite frankly I don't care what anyone else thinks. If you knew me, you would know that I would never try and trick someone into this. No I am not sleeping with my ex, I would not do that again, I did that before in a past relationship, and it hurts both people. Everything happens for a reason and there is no need to "wait" until I fall back down to earth, I can handle anything that comes my way and I will make the right decisions for the baby who will have all the love and support in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Congratulations. Hope everything works out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Applewhite Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 What a surprise that people are taking this attitude. I am not 18, I am 35. I am a grown-up. I know who I am and I know my intentions and I did not plan any of this and quite frankly I don't care what anyone else thinks. If you knew me, you would know that I would never try and trick someone into this. No I am not sleeping with my ex, I would not do that again, I did that before in a past relationship, and it hurts both people. Everything happens for a reason and there is no need to "wait" until I fall back down to earth, I can handle anything that comes my way and I will make the right decisions for the baby who will have all the love and support in the world. In one post you go back and forth between saying you didn't try to have a baby and you shouldn't have to wait for the right time. Did you use protection when you had sex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 What a surprise that people are taking this attitude. I am not 18, I am 35. I am a grown-up. I know who I am and I know my intentions and I did not plan any of this and quite frankly I don't care what anyone else thinks. If you knew me, you would know that I would never try and trick someone into this. No I am not sleeping with my ex, I would not do that again, I did that before in a past relationship, and it hurts both people. Everything happens for a reason and there is no need to "wait" until I fall back down to earth, I can handle anything that comes my way and I will make the right decisions for the baby who will have all the love and support in the world. From your post it sounded like your current mindset was all about you, how happy you were to be pregnant again, how "because it happened it must be right" and not about whether bringing a baby into this world in your circumstances (Hike14 described them) was best for the baby. I assumed that you saw things this way too - that you were going to indulge in the "I won the lottery" feeling and then deal with the realities and act in the best interests of the baby. I think many people feel that a baby deserves at minimum two parents who are in a stable marriage or at least relationship - that is when the person has a choice as to whether to get pregnant, as you did, and from your post it sounds like not only do you not care about whether there is a father in the picture at all, you are throwing up your hands and leaving it all to "fate". That's a bit troubling, from the perspective of the best interests of the baby, in my humble opinion - seems a bit cavalier actually. You can disagree and believe that the best interests of a child do not require two loving parents, - that is your personal opinion of course - but your post was devoid of any mention of how you intended to act in this baby's best interests and was all about you. That is why I responded as I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catdancer Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 What a surprise that people are taking this attitude. I am not 18, I am 35. I am a grown-up. I know who I am and I know my intentions and I did not plan any of this and quite frankly I don't care what anyone else thinks. If you knew me, you would know that I would never try and trick someone into this. No I am not sleeping with my ex, I would not do that again, I did that before in a past relationship, and it hurts both people. Everything happens for a reason and there is no need to "wait" until I fall back down to earth, I can handle anything that comes my way and I will make the right decisions for the baby who will have all the love and support in the world. MCA, you had to have expected some shock from people on this board. All we have to base our opinions on is what you post. None of us know you in real life, so we dont get the whole "you", only what you write. And you have to admit that when things are going good, we tend to not post about it, but when things are bad, we post. So, all we see are posts of negative feelings and issues. In my mind, you were in a bad relationship that was doomed to fail, you got pregnant by him, lost the baby, are broke with no money, move into a room, not even an apartment or flat, and now your pregnant again with someone else's baby. Wow! lol It's enough to make us think you're nuts. lol Just take care of yourself and do whatever needs to be done to take care of your baby. Limit your physical labor to nothing if possible, take your prenatals and get plenty of rest. We dont want another miscarriage, so take care. Also, does the man you slept with, know that you are pregnant? Is he in a position to be a father or at least help out during the pregnany and with the baby after birth? My pregnancy was very hard and without the support of family and my partner, I would have lost my mind. lol I just hope that he's there to rub your tummy, massage your back and be a shoulder to cry on when you need it. Also, (I keep thinking of things to add..lol) just because you are pregnant doesnt mean that you have to jump into a relationship with this man, or move in with him. Take your time and do not do anything rash. I am the first one to admit that pregnancy hormones made me freakin insane and it completely skewed my opinions and views on what should and shouldnt be done. So, take your time and dont do anything in haste. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 I have to agree with Hike, Bayta and Cat. There is something awfully strange about saying things are meant to be because they happened. Well, sure, but it doesn't take away the responsibility of a possibly awful decision. Children are very serious issues and it is reckless to bring one into the world without planning and stability (though it happens all the time and can turn out ok) Of course, I wish the absolute best outcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca1975 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 OK, of course I will be letting the "father" know. First steps are to go to the doctors and work out dates but it has been some 10 weeks, maybe more, now that my ex and I had sexual relations. Me and this guy bumped into each other the first time I went out after my break-up, I had been drinking and he comforted me and we ended up cuddling in bed and things lead to sex. I was very upset about the baby and he was comforting me. Yes it was unprotected and protection was never mentioned. To be honest, I really didn't think that anything would happen because my periods were all over the place, though I know that I did have one period after I slept with my ex, but it felt as if my body was not back to normal. As for people referring to "these two guys!", one of those guys was my long-standing boyfriend who I was living with and I had been with for 1.5 years, the other guy is someone I have known for a long time. I will be understanding when I tell him, he will be shocked of course but we have known each other for some 10 years now. He knows what sort of person I am and I have every faith we could sort something out. I could not imagine him being cold about it and not wanting to be involved, no. But if he told me that he didnt want to be involved, then I would have to re-think and I would certainly understand any reaction he might give. What you must understand is that I have a very large supportive family and friends and I would never be without a home and never be without support, but I am totally responsible for my life and actions I take. I have lived out of home since I was 19. I suppose in a way when you read my posts, they might appear crazy but I am not. I am a good person and I am certainly not a one-night stand girl and never have been! It might interest you to know that I have only slept with 10 people in my life and only one of those was a one-night stand, which I hated myself for afterwards. I have no qualms about having a baby on my own, my sister did it, and my mum did it with us both for as long as I can remember, it can be done, and my niece is a very happy beautiful girl! Who knows, should me and this guy form a relationship from this, then we shall see but it is not essential to me. In this day and age, a child rarely has both parents and I certainly dont feel that they need that in order to be happy and feel loved. It would be nice to live in a perfect world, but I am not about to get rid of this baby. I'm sure there will be plenty more judgemental comments for me ahead, outside of enotalone too. I'm prepared. Thanks for everyone's good wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca1975 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 I have to agree with Hike, Bayta and Cat. There is something awfully strange about saying things are meant to be because they happened. Well, sure, but it doesn't take away the responsibility of a possibly awful decision. Children are very serious issues and it is reckless to bring one into the world without planning and stability (though it happens all the time and can turn out ok) Of course, I wish the absolute best outcome. I want this baby! Im 35 I keep saying, I know I'm not bringing a tiny tears baby doll into the world, it is a child and I know what comes with it! Hard times and good times, tiredness, piles, whatever, sleepless nights, I know I have baby cousins that I have looked after since I was small myself! Wish you lot knew me I really do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 "In this day and age, a child rarely has both parents and I certainly dont feel that they need that in order to be happy and feel loved. It would be nice to live in a perfect world, but I am not about to get rid of this baby." Well no that's not true in the least and no one suggested abortion - there are other alternatives, like adoption (even though you will not consider it) - I certainly wouldn't suggest abortion. You are entitled to your view- I don't think a child needs two parents to be "happy and loved" but I waited to try to have a child until I was in a stable relationship with my now husband -- because to me that was the minimum for the baby's best interests, not a "perfect world" scenario. Especially since you had the choice not to get pregnant in your situation. You can disagree of course! "Happy and loved" is part of "best interests" of course and a large supportive family is wonderful. To me that doesn't begin to replace the minimum two parent stable family - since you had a choice to use protection (and a choice as to whether to get drunk, a choice as to whether to have sex, a choice as to whether to use protection, then you chose to try to get pregnant in your situation - it wasn't fate, it didn't just happen. Once again, you are entitled to your view that your baby's best interests will be served in your personal situation, and in the context in which you chose to get pregnant - but to say that most children don't have two parents in a stable home - well that's just plain wrong and even if it were true -why in the world would you choose that as a situation in which to try to get pregnant? Eveni if it were true do you really think most of those mothers chose to get pregnant outside of a stable relationship as you did? I hope you have a healthy and smooth pregnancy. As far as judgmental comments I think you have to expect people to be concerned about the health of your pregnancy (given that you were drunk when it happened), and the best interests of the child given your situation and the situation you created. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 I have no doubt that you really want this baby, but the decision to prioritize the desire for a baby over what would be the best interests of a child - a stable two-parent home - was, in my opinion, irresponsible. Your financial and emotional state (the fact that you're grieving from a break-up, which is difficult) might also not be the best to have a child right now. It didn't just happen: you greatly increased the odds that it would happen by having unprotected sex, with your friend and with your boyfriend when you two were together. Now what's done is done, and I sincerely wish you and your baby the very very best. I certainly hope that you have a wonderful experience being a mother. I think you need to talk to your friend very soon and get a plan to prepare for this baby, including figuring out where you will live (your roommates might not want to live with a baby, and it might be really crowded too), and probably trying to save some money as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Applewhite Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Well that is the point, it didn't 'just happen' again as you put it. you MADE it happen whether or not you are ready to accept that fact. And with this temper - I am very curious as to how you are going to handle raising a child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catdancer Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 And with this temper - I am very curious as to how you are going to handle raising a child. lol...just wait until you start breeding. Even though I have a hell of a temper and people often make me so frustrated I could just smack them all, I am still calm and peaceful around and with my son. Dont jump so easily to conclusions, Hike. Just wait...you'll see what I mean when you have Baby Hikes. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catdancer Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 MCA...I understand your desire to have a baby. I was 35 when I had Landon, so I KNOW what you feel. I also chose to bring my son into this world when my relationship with his father was rather rocky. But never ever will I regret having my son. And you never will either. Get off this forum, get away from the negativity and enjoy the feeling of having a life growing inside of you. I think that pregnancy and child birth is a miracle. And you have a little tiny miracle growing inside of you. Nuture him (I feel that it's a "him" for some reason..lol) and take care of yourself. Again, this board can be very negative and I have to stay away at times too or else it really depresses me. lol So, go sit in the sunshine and talk to your baby. Tell him that you love him and you cant wait to meet him! I still take to my belly and my son came out 14 months ago. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca1975 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 Thank you, you make me want to cry! I love my baby so much already and I feel truly blessed, even though I do not have the "classic" situation. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 This is what I mean, I agree. No one is trying to be negative just for the sake of it, you're a long time member here so I think most of us know your personality a bit, we don't think of you as some bumbling troll, it is just shocking and it is clear to me that you are sort of just caught up in the initial joy. I'm personally just very conservative about how children should be brought into the world and it is shaping my response. I don't think people realize exactly what they're getting into. Sure, they love the child, they want the child, sure baby clothes and happy times are fun but is it always fair or is it selfishness? In any case, Sophie is spot on. It is done, so any talk is just opinion and not productive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Thread closed for disrespect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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