Am I obssesive of her?

[Ifeelinvisable]

I could post this anywere.

Today...

Well, today, I have been phsyco. I hate my body... I'm horrid looking. Fat, stretch marks, moles. Ugliness. I beat myself up and used those metal hair clamps on my body. On my breasts and my v*gina lips. It hurt. I'm hating my life right now. I weigh around 115-120 and am about 5'1 to 5'2 with mild achne... *

 

On the other hand; this girl, C is creating so much pain for me. The thought of the time we had sex, drives me insane with torture. I want her, and need her, mentally, physically. She would never ever take, nor want me, or my heart. But I just can't... Can't survive? I don't know!! I've been depressed, not mopey or anyhing, but worse than last time I was. Ive been cutting my arms, hitting and hurting myself. I don't want this! I just have these insane moments of mental pain. I feel bottled up and crazy. I...just...can't... AHHH! I am patient, kind of. I care more about C than anyone else. I feel like a stalker, watching her so longingly all the time. I wonder if it's so obvious. She hardly ever has contact with me though. But just thinking about her... Hearing her voice terrifies me, because of the pain and fear. She's straight. Won't have me. *

* I think about her when I wake up, before I go to sleep, all the time it hurts. I was, uh, aroused the other day, and she popped into my head. I thought of that time we made love, and broke. It brought waves of panic and pain, and confused arousal. In one dose. Am I one of those obssesive lovers? There hasn't been one night I haven't cried this last * week. Tonight too. I've been sad. Felt unwanted. Felt...just so crappy. Argumentative. Not to mention my girlfriend and I broke up last Monday. That didn't nessacarily phase me, but it did hurt. I cared about her. But not as much as C. It's been crazy for my mind. I've been going through weird emotional break downs. A small argument with my parents, makes me cry. I wish I could tell my therapist, but she would flip and put me in the hospital like last time. So I have no one to tell but you. My closet, yet farthest friend is C, and I can't tell her this so... Thanks for reading. * * ](*,) :sad:

[Piper182]

why can't you tell her?

[Ifeelinvisable]

Because it would be very awkward/embarrassing and I wouldn't want to risk our friendship over telling her this. She knows I love her. But none of this.

[Capricorn3]

I wish I could tell my therapist, but she would flip and put me in the hospital like last time.

I think you have to tell your therapist and I also think you should be in the hospital. Before I got to the end of your post I was already thinking "you need help and should get professional counselling", but then I was surprised that you are already seeing a therapist. Tell her what you told us in your post above. You DO need help.

[Ifeelinvisable]

I think you have to tell your therapist and I also think you should be in the hospital. Before I got to the end of your post I was already thinking "you need help and should get professional counselling", but then I was surprised that you are already seeing a therapist. Tell her what you told us in your post above. You DO need help.

why do I need to be in a Hospital??

[Capricorn3]

When you first mentioned she'll "put me in the hospital like last time", and after reading your original post, I couldn't help get the feeling that you really needed help from a therapist and if she recommended that you go back to hospital "like the last time", then there must be a very good reason why. When reading your post, I would say you really need it.

[MitchF]

don't forgot the therapist doesn't read your mind and everything goes down how you say it.

word it better to get it out to your therapist.

 

and positive or careless thinking is good. just chill (relax) sometimes and try not to think.