5 stages of a break up?

[ladyjane83]

I have heard people say that there are 5 stages to a break up....

1. Denial

2. Anger/resentment

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

......What are peoples experiences of this? Did you find you had clear stages and what kinds of things/feelings did you do or experience during each phase?

[lana111]

let's see. i dont think i went through the denial stage, but then again you could count the last year of our relationship when i knew it wasnt going to end in bliss yet i still stayed there, denial. i was never in denial that we werent broken up, in fact i knew that was going to be the end of it for sure.

 

anger/resentment, yes. i was mad that eventhough i had brought up "hey, it doesnt seem like we are progressing maybe we should call it quits" he kept saying he wanted to stay together so i was pissed he didnt have enough sense to end it then. i was also mad for him, unintentionaly, toying with me.

 

bargaining. yep. two weeks after i/we broke it off i wanted back.

 

the depression began the day after i broke it up and lasted for a solid 2 months.

 

if you count acceptance as moving on from him, then yes. but like i said, i was never of the mindset "oh, we might get back". so if one means acceptance that its really over, then no.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Denial stage was first and it lasted a day or two.

 

Then I spent the next few months bouncing between complete wrath to crippling sadness to complete excitement and optimism about being single.

 

Bargaining? With him? Never. With the pain to go away? All of the time.

[jimbojones100]

I'd say it's more like

 

Denial

Bargaining

Depression

Anger

Acceptance

[ladyjane83]

I'd say it's more like

 

Denial

Bargaining

Depression

Anger

Acceptance

 

yeah I think thats the order it happened to me too. Except I kind of skipped the anger stage...Im not sure why. We split up because he cheated and left for someone else (this was like over a year ago) and so I should definitely have the anger...and everyone says I must not be fully over it if I dont feel angry with him. But I just dont, and never did. But I can now honestly say (and this is only in the last couple of months) that I am fully 100% moved on... but I never went through the anger stage. hmmm.

[Doc Blaze]

mine was

 

1.anger

2. anger

3.anger

4.depression

5. acceptance

[Ding]

this last breakup has been ridiculous - so many jumps between stages for so long. about 4 months on now, and this is how it went

 

1. acceptance (for like 15 minutes immediately lol)

2. denial (a couple of days) and depression

3. Bargaining (lasted about a night)

4. acceptance and depression (when we werent in contact for a month or so)

5. anger anger anger anger (when he got in contact)

6. depression

7. I'm in acceptance at the moment - in that I KNOW without a doubt I am not with him and don't want to be, but I am still incredibly sensitive to the whole thing, confused by life in general and feel pretty down on myself and depressed.

 

In my experience the depression is the longest stage in breakups and the hardest to deal with, because it impacts on so many other areas of your life, even though your mind has dealt with most of the actual breakup trauma and are fed up of thinking about it - its hard to shake the low feelings and lack of self esteem

[uncomfynumb]

mine was

 

1.anger

2. anger

3.anger

4.depression

5. acceptance

 

LOL! Me too!

[amani33]

oh, this is an interesting thread.

 

for me, i try my best to skip anger.

 

1. angry

2. depression and acceptance

3. depression and acceptance

4. depression and acceptance

5. depression and acceptance

[Juxtapoz]

denial

depression

bargaining

depression

denial

[texaslove]

I was depressed and in denial at first for about a week

Then total depression and anger

at about 3 weeks- denial again, depression

now one month in- I am trying to be optimistic about the future with grad school, friends, and trying to tell myself "there is someone else out there for me"

 

I don't think the denial has ever gone completely away- well, I guess its more like that small bit of HOPE that he will regret his decision and come back....