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Hooking up with recently separated guy


la_Bele_Dame

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Hi All,

 

So I am absolutely new here and have read thru few of the threads to come to the conclusion that I might be able to get an answer about my issue.

 

So a bit of a background on me:

I am 28 years old and just got of a abusive relationship of 4 years. When I say "Just" I mean about 10 months...... I decided to take charge and move on (changed states) and I am starting all new.

 

Now I have been going out on dates and trying to meet new people ...but hadnt had any luck in meeting like minded guys ....until 3 months back,when I was out with a few of my coworkers and I met a really nice very good looking guy. Immediately we hit it off real well. Communication was definitely not an issue and for some reason I felt very comfortable with him.

 

Now he was honest and he did mention he is separated (been 10 months) and has 2 young daughters (8 and 5). I didnt think much of it initially when he mentioned that to me - since I really wasnt looking for a relationship or anything.

 

We started talking - would talk pretty much everyday and I guess helped each other move on from our past - thru giving each other much needed advice.

 

 

Now here comes the real issue - last 3 weeks we have pretty much taken the friendship level to one notch up - physicial relationship.

 

For both of us this is all very new since our last relationship. And I guess we both sort of feel guilty about it. We have a great chemisty but i have this feeling even if I might be ready to move on - he isnt. I dont blame him since he does have 2 kids (whom he loves unconditionally) and his ex -wife is very much involved in his life.

 

Each time we have gotten closer - we have talked about not doing it again but situations have lead us into this circle of things that keep happening. And I am scared I might be falling for him.

 

I dont know if I should pursue this or should just forget it and move on.

 

Any help will be appreciated.

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At least he's being very honest; I guess if you two know the boundaries and can remain as friends anything is possible in the future. But if things start to heat up again and both of you know it's not going to work out in in a short-term then I would cut ties and move on.

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Just like any new relationship - we arent sure if this is going to work out of not.

 

For now we enjoy each others company and do feel comfortable with each other (mentally and physically).....

We have talked about friends only but I dont know if I want that.

 

I feel like I can have something more substancial with this guy - but I dont know if I am rushing or what if he isnt ready. How do I approach this?

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Be very careful..he is still very tied to his marriage as he sees her all the time, plays happy families with her and is still legally married. You might end up being his "proving ground" as he dips his toes back into the dating pool and then ultimately ends up running back to the security of his not yet ex wife and his family.

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I think you need to find out if he will want something more substantial in the future. What are his long term plans, if he can even think that far. The best you can do is get the most information from him as you can and decide if it is what you can live with. If he cannot decide what he wants right now are you happy waiting? Are you investing too much and setting yourself back instead of moving forward?

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Thank you all for the great advice....

 

Just to clarify - I am not trying to move too fast or trying to make this into a relationship right away. I apologize if thats how it seemed.

 

I am ready to give whatever we have a chance and see if this grows into a relationship. But my concern lies in that fact that even though its been 10 months his ex wife is still very much involved in his life. I love the kids so I dont have any issue there but the wife needs to back off now....and it doesnt seem like either one of them is ready for that.

 

Keeping this is in mind - it sometimes seems to me that I may just be a rebound for him.... obviously it may one be for me but I really do see potential here.

 

I want to sit back and enjoy and see what happens but sometimes you just know that this could be a long ride and I am just not too sure if I want to ride it - if he isnt willin to try also.

 

I dont want to go thru another relationship where its meant to be doomed from the start yet I still pursue it.

 

I guess I am jsut a bit confused right now.

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Fully agree, CAD.

Be very careful..he is still very tied to his marriage as he sees her all the time, plays happy families with her and is still legally married. You might end up being his "proving ground" as he dips his toes back into the dating pool and then ultimately ends up running back to the security of his not yet ex wife and his family.

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