Dealing with this kind of email

[woodst0ck]

Although I'm doing a lot better after my breakup, my ex still emails me to tell me what she's up to. I usually reply but keep the reply totally neutral and say nothing that be misconstrued as being personal.

 

She hasn't redirected any of her mail and I still get packages and her regular post and every one/two weeks, she sends an email with a little background about what is happening with her and that if she gets a moment, she'll pop in for her post. I've asked her to get the post redirected but she hasn't.

 

This used to upset me quite a bit but I must have grown a callous over those feelings because I'm largely indifferent now. I used to count the hours until she came round but now, I don't know whether I want to see her at all... it's not as though it helps..

 

When I replied to last week's email, I told her that her post just looked like bank statements so it wasn't worth coming round for that. This week, I get this:

 

....................

 

Hi

Thought I'd best let you know that the vet has got Bob's tablets to me so they won't be coming in the post. Managed to talk Paul into letting me keep him out 24/7 in an old field at the yard so sedated him and just turned him out at the weekend. Giving him a week off whilst my leg heals and then going to try walking him again (her horse kicked her). Hopefully he'll be a bit calmer now he's turned out.

 

Any post for me? If there is I'll call round on Thursday if that's OK. Is it a raid night?(I play WoW) I can't remember when they are now. Could probably do to have a chat and a catch up on things that's all.

 

How are things going with you?

 

Cxxx

 

.........................

 

Normally, her emails don't express any desire to chat but I don't think there is much point reading anything into that. It would be better if we had no contact but we both own this house and until I find a new job and move out, there will be some contact. When we do have contact, I am very polite but totally neutral... I say nothing of a personal nature whatsoever. I don't even tell her what I've been up to.

 

I hope that I've moved beyond playing games but I am very keen on making it clear that I do not forgive her in the slightest while she continues on her present path.

 

I can't deny that if she expressed a desire to a possible reconciliation, I wouldn't give it some serious thought but I'm not waiting for it. I do still love her but that's not a blank cheque anymore. I do have to take a TV around to my Sister in Law's house which is much nearer to where my ex lives now and it occurred to me that it may be easier to take the post there so it would be easier for her to pick it up so she wouldn't need to come here.

 

I'm a bit concerned that, despite myself, I'm still playing games on a certain level. I'm not really sure the best way to handle this kind of thing. I don't want to burn all my bridges but then I'm not that keen to cross them either.... any advice and insight anyone can offer?

[mca1975]

Email her to tell her that it is not helping hearing from each other and keeping in contact like this and tell her to stop emailing you. Be firm. Say that you wish her well, but you cannot carry on being entwined in each other's lives, even if its just by email, in this way.

[JohnTheMan]

It seems to me that enering a NC or for your situation very LC would be recommended. There is part of you that still wants her back and that cannot be turned off. IMO even if you do want her back LC might be your best bet. I've played games with my EX continually moving to NC over the course of a year. She has been seeing someone else regularily since our breakup. Its my opinion that my EX could move to an exclusive relationship with him soon, but the only time I got her to have any kind of want to have me back was through NC. Now she has emailed me about getting back together while still with her rebound. Still a lot of BS, but something positive for once.

 

If you don't want her back at all and want to stay friends, then tell her you need space and time. I find it sometimes that an EX can easily move to the friend zone. For some of us that is impossible.

 

What were the conditions of your breakup?

[Speranza]

I just wouldn't answer them at all tbh. And why not pick her up a form to fill in to have her post redirected? That might send a message...