How to go on from here?

[rusticale]

Hi! It's not of importance, but if you're interested, this is a followup of a thread from last week ( ).

 

I asked you guys if I could ask a girl out again, even if I did it in January and got turned down (she wanted to go out as friends). After some thinking, I decided to ask her to study with me for our exam (which wasn't exactly asking her out on a date, but an opportunity to spend time alone with her). So this evening, we spent six hours together at my apartment. I had a wonderful time, and I am sure she did too. Lol, we didn't get much studies done, as we ended up talking about all sorts of stuff. No single awkward moment the entire evening. From my point of view, we have an extraordinary chemistry. For the record, she is 21 and I'm 28.

 

I just walked the girl of my dreams to her bus. And I have absolutely no idea how to go on from here.

 

And the big question is: Does she like me just as a friend or as more than a friend? Would she go on a date with me if I asked her again? As I am quite unskilled at interpreting signals, I was hoping I could get some help from all you kind and wise people. Below is a summary of why I think she might like me as more than a friend:

 

- Text messages: We have exchanged up to 50 texts to each other the last two weeks, many of them quite long and with some flirty content. She is usually the one who initiates contact (though I am often the last one to write back each day).

- Eye contact: She has stated twice that our eyes have the exact same color (brown+green). We often keep eye contact (I try to keep it as long as possible) for a bit longer than usually feels comfortable. Tonight this happened several times, and twice we kept eye contact for so long that my stomach almost burst because of all the butterflies (I am talking about looking into each other's eyes without interruption for maybe 20 seconds (first 10-15 seconds talking, then 5-10 seconds without talking)).

- Touching: She touched my hand at two or three occasions, when there was no need to do it. When she was about to get on the bus, she seemed uncertain what to do, it looked like she wanted to hug me. So I hugged her.

- See me tomorrow: One of the very last things she said before leaving with the bus, was: "So maybe we will see each other tomorrow". We hadn't talked about that at all, so I replied: "Oh, you're going to school tomorrow?". And she said "No". Why would she say that we might see each other tomorrow when the only real chance we could see each other, is if we study together again? (Which would be a really bad idea, regarding our exam in two days, but a really good idea in all other ways )

 

If anyone has any comments, please tell. I just don't know what to think. It just feels too good to be true that these signals actually mean she is interested. I tend to think that she is not interested, as she turned me down earlier.

 

Oh, and should I invite her to study with me again tomorrow? Should I text her tonight, saying I had a good time? Lol, I just don't have any clue about anything

[orchidrose]

I think that some of these signals could be interpreted as flirty.. however, you've already asked her out once and she turned you down. I think that if she was interested in taking things past friendship, she would've accepted your date. There are girls who are naturally flirty and enjoy male company, but don't take it past flirting - I know many of them. They unfortunately tend to get guys' hopes up with no real feelings behind it.

 

But, we can't know what's going on inside her head. I think you need to take a chance and ask her to hang out again. Maybe this time use the word "date" and see what happens. If she seems receptive, you probably have you answer. If she's still just interested in friendship, she'll call you out on your use of the word and your intentions.

 

My gut feeling on this is that she likes the attention and does really enjoy spending time with you, but nothing more.. otherwise, she would've accepted the date before. It sounds like you two could be really great friends, but I'm not seeing anything romantic here.

[rusticale]

however, you've already asked her out once and she turned you down. I think that if she was interested in taking things past friendship, she would've accepted your date.

 

That is absolutely true. But I had known her for only 14 days (and met her maybe 5 times, every time in company with others) when I asked her out the first time. Now I have known her for almost 5 months, and we both have learned a lot about eachother during that time. Maybe it's just the part of me that stays positive no matter what happens, that tells me this. But I think it is relevant somehow, that I might have scared her the first time, or that she has developed feelings for me during those months. I don't know...

[orchidrose]

That is absolutely true. But I had known her for only 14 days (and met her maybe 5 times, every time in company with others) when I asked her out the first time. Now I have known her for almost 5 months, and we both have learned a lot about eachother during that time. Maybe it's just the part of me that stays positive no matter what happens, that tells me this. But I think it is relevant somehow, that I might have scared her the first time, or that she has developed feelings for me during those months. I don't know...

 

As I said, there's really no way for us to know what she's thinking. I think the things that you listed could really go either way - they could be romantic, or they could just be part of her personality.

 

It does sound like you asked her out too soon, but on the other hand, I've gone out on dates in similar circumstances and been fine with it. I met my last ex a handful of times in a group and didn't really even talk to him much when I agreed to go on a date with him. So I don't really think that would preclude her from turning down a date in the first place.

 

I think the only way to know what she's thinking is to ask her to hang out again and eventually ask her what she wants from your time together.