At this point, it looks like it's really over...

[Belts]

It's now been 3 weeks and 5 days since she broke up with me. I have considered going full NC several times, only to ruin it by either contacting her, or responding to her initiated contacts.

 

Two nights ago, I went to a music festival with my good friend and his brother's band. She showed up a couple hours in. I figured she might, we both go to these things. I just wasn't going let the possibility of her being there ruin a good time for me. When she showed up, she ignored my presence, and I ignored hers. I continued to have a good time, and not let her bother me. I had a few drinks, and my friends took off. I couldn't leave yet, as I do not drive drunk. I stayed in the back, where the other loners were, and continued to enjoy the show until I knew I was ready to safely drive home.

 

She approached me, and asked if I wanted to go outside to talk. I figured, why not? I followed her out and she told me about her new job. She said she has been partying a lot. We kind of just shot the breeze until she gave me a serious look and asked me how I was doing. I told her that I'm doing alright, I just didn't feel like there was much closure. She told me that she thought there was when we talked on the phone, but that she couldn't hug me over the phone, so she wanted to give me a hug in person. We hugged, no big deal. I didn't really have much else to say, so she went back inside and said her goodbyes. At the time, we had agreed to stay friends.

 

When I was finally ready to leave, she was walking pass me, so I told her I was taking off. I asked her if, since we agreed to be friends, we would actually be able to plan on hanging out and do friend things. She said that I just need to give her time. I said OK, goodbye, and left. Later that night she texted me saying, "It was a nice surprise to see you, lovie, take care!" I did not respond until the next morning, saying only, "It was nice seeing you too. Good luck with your new job."

 

So now comes my huge mistake. A few hours ago she signed into her google talk account, which she is hardly ever on. I said hi, and we struck up a conversation. Things were sailing smooth and friendly, until I again ran out of things to say. She noted the awkward silence, and asked me what I was thinking about. I told her that I can't help but be confused and wonder what is going through her mind. I explained to her that it doesn't make sense to me that she told me days before she was still in love with me. I asked her that if two people are in love, then what should be holding them back? She told me that she is just not on the same page with me, and began explaining how she rushed into our relationship, our differences from our past lives, and that she has been through too much * * * * to be with someone who has had a stable life like me. These were her words. She started bringing up the little lies I had told her, which involved things like smoking cigarettes and looking at porn, and told me that we will never have a relationship again.

 

At this point I broke. I have known for months that she slept with another woman and I have acted like I did not know, hoping she would be honest with me about it. She told me since the beginning that she is bi, and that she would tell me if something were to come up. I told her I didn't mind, as long as she was honest with me. I have undeniable proof that she slept with a woman, and possibly another MAN, during our relationship, and she never spoke a word of it to me. I finally brought this up with her, and explained that since I have known, it has been hard for me to be intimate with her, knowing she is keeping secrets. She basically admitted to it at this point, but just continued to butcher me for my white lies. I would have never done anything like what she did to me and lied about it. She refuses to see her wrongdoings. Her anger escalated, and she told me she can't be friends with someone she can't trust. I could not believe this, so I told her the same thing, and precoded to block her from everything.

 

A little while later, she texted me saying this:

"Let me know when we can meet up to exchange things. I have a TV of yours and a bunch of your clothes I wanna give back. I remember you said you have some of my stuff, too. Maybe next weekend?"

 

And I replied:

"If you want your things, you can come get them. I am not going out of my way for you. As far as my things are concerned, you can sell them, burn them, trash them, whatever. I'm sorry I misinterpreted what I thought was a relationship. I guess I am too naive. I even gave you the benefit of the doubt and kept what I knew to myself for so long. I knew speaking up to you would just make you more blind to your own wrongdoings. At least I can admit mine, if anything, to learn from my mistakes and try and become a better person. You played with my head for 2 1/2 years, and even after breaking up with me, you continue to. No more. I am done being a victim of your games. There are nothing but open doors and opportunities for me now. If anything, thank you for helping me to wake up. I hope that you can, too, someday."

 

She then said:

" * * * * in A man. I just want to exchange things. Simple as that. And we only went out for a year and a half. ((this is not true, I don't know why she needs to lie about how long we were together. we really did date for 2 1/2 years. maybe she is already forgetting?)) Stop trying to make me sound so horrible. I just want to get what's mine, OK? I suck, I'm not perfect, I get it. Just give me my * * * * and take yours."

 

I have not responded, and I don't plan to. Her stuff is safe and sound here. If she wants it, that's where it will be.

 

I guess I'm not really looking for advice at this point. I know I have to move on. I just wanted to post here, for some reason... *sigh*

[loulou37]

the same thing happened to me, we agreed to stay friends, i was even going back out to spain to spend a week, then i called him, it was ok, then!!! we argued and it all come out, that was it, next day we sent horrible texts and then he said he doesn't want nothing to do with me...i felt like i messed it up, i should never of called or i should of cut the call short, now i'll never know if we would've got back together...that's when i knew it was over.

 

 

he also said he loved me when i left and i said the same that you said on the phone, that if he loved me he would've worked it out...

[Belts]

I'm sorry to hear that, but thank you. This helps confirm to me that it really is over. It's definitely a very painful way to go, though, and I know it's going to continue to be painful. I already had to pull an all nighter because I knew trying to sleep would be pointless.

 

Again, though, thank you. This is exactly why I posted here. So I know that I am not alone.

[mikeyx22]

You're kinda lucky Belts You have alot of things people here tend to look for, a good state of mind and perfect closure (along with a slightly satisfying edge over her ego lol)

[loulou37]

it will get easier, there will still be low points..i felt great saturday, yesterday and today it's been awful again, the horrible sicky feeling in my stomach, i'm 7 weeks in, i do miss him terribly but i know this is it now, i just got to deal with it, i don't know what i've of done without the advice of the people on this forum, it's been a godsend and i know i'll get through it with their help.

 

thanx everyone.x.

[Belts]

You're kinda lucky Belts You have alot of things people here tend to look for, a good state of mind and perfect closure (along with a slightly satisfying edge over her ego lol)

Everyone keeps telling me this, my family and my friends, but I really do feel * * * * ty. I guess that just shows me it could be a lot worse. Thank you.

[mikeyx22]

loulou, I wish I could hug you and hang out and play a game or something. I've always wanted to go to england anyway

[mikeyx22]

You're alright. Don't let people get to you because they're really not you, you know? It's as simple and random as that. You get to decide what goes on in your life and nothing has to matter until you decide you want something

[loulou37]

awww mikey how sweet, i could just do with a hug right now, all this has been soo hard. where are you from?

[Belts]

I'd hug you, too, loulou. I could use a hug from someone who isn't her...

[loulou37]

all this is just a total nitemare isn't it...it'll be so nice when it's all over eh guys, i'll never give my heart totally to anyone again.

[mikeyx22]

I'm from new york. I forgot that I never filled out the profile here lol

[loulou37]

haha i know i was looking..so whats your story mikey? i couldn't see any threads posted by you

 

sorry hijaking upss

[loulou37]

belts can i ask you, do you feel like you messed up by talking on the phone? i'm feeling it's all on me.. if i just didn't call! i'm piffed at myself

[mikeyx22]

I kinda don't have a story really. I do but I've taken care of all my stuff as of a few years ago so I really just poke around to see if I can help others ^^ I'm 21, going back to college this fall and to be honest, I don't think highly of relationships in general, but that's not the type of thing I see promoted here so I keep quiet

[Belts]

belts can i ask you, do you feel like you messed up by talking on the phone? i'm feeling it's all on me.. if i just didn't call! i'm piffed at myself

Oh trust me, there are many things I regret since the break up. I can't help but feel that if I had just went the complete NC route, then maybe things would have gone differently. Maybe leaving her alone would have given her time to do her thing and miss me on her own, ya know? I do feel like I "pushed" too much. That's just something I'm going to have do deal with. There's no rewind button in life, as much as we wish there was...

 

You can only move forward and try your best to learn from your mistakes, while keeping in mind that your not the only one who has made them. That's for sure!

[mikeyx22]

Don't worry so much about messing up or not messing up. Why'd you call?

[loulou37]

ahh ok lol..yea i think that's the right thing to do

[loulou37]

i called him cause i was meant to be going out to see him and i jus wanted to talk, but then it all went wrong and we argued, it's cause it wasn't cleared up when i left, so everything came out.

[loulou37]

Oh trust me, there are many things I regret since the break up. I can't help but feel that if I had just went the complete NC route, then maybe things would have gone differently. Maybe leaving her alone would have given her time to do her thing and miss me on her own, ya know? I do feel like I "pushed" too much. That's just something I'm going to have do deal with. There's no rewind button in life, as much as we wish there was...

 

You can only move forward and try your best to learn from your mistakes, while keeping in mind that your not the only one who has made them. That's for sure!

yea me too, i wished i'd left well alone, now i have to live with the what ifs, ufff and it's killing me!

[mikeyx22]

Belts, to be quite honest, I'm proud of my past mistakes and floundering around ^^

It may be a guyish type of pride, but it's there nonetheless! See, I don't think I'd learn anything real, or worth knowing, without pushing things to the limits at times. Because let's face it, once something's over and not coming back. The LEAST you want is to find out anything! I'm not saying people are disposable or anything, but when else will you ever get the oppourtunity to learn such obscure things? Unfortunately, things like this are part of life as well and there's no reason stopping us from learning a bit more about them, is there?

NC would be alot different. Maybe you'd feel less, heal sooner (whatever that is but now this is part of your life. Do you regret it deep down?

[mikeyx22]

What did you argue about? I'm confused/don't know your story

[loulou37]

What did you argue about? I'm confused/don't know your story

 

 

hers my original post..we argued about the facebook thing!!

[Belts]

Belts, to be quite honest, I'm proud of my past mistakes and floundering around ^^

It may be a guyish type of pride, but it's there nonetheless! See, I don't think I'd learn anything real, or worth knowing, without pushing things to the limits at times. Because let's face it, once something's over and not coming back. The LEAST you want is to find out anything! I'm not saying people are disposable or anything, but when else will you ever get the oppourtunity to learn such obscure things? Unfortunately, things like this are part of life as well and there's no reason stopping us from learning a bit more about them, is there?

NC would be alot different. Maybe you'd feel less, heal sooner (whatever that is but now this is part of your life. Do you regret it deep down?

I'm on the line with this one. I can't say I don't regret it completely. I at least got her to finally admit to her mistakes, and showed her I'm not the fool she thought I was! There is still so much more I know about what she has been doing since the breakup, through the grape vine, and let me tell you, it's not pretty. She has been sleeping with every scumbag she can get her dirty little paws on, and as far as she knows, she has no idea that I know any of this. Sooner or later, if she doesn't do what's right for herself, she is going to end up getting sick from these low-lifes she is going to bed with. If it happens, I can't say I'll feel sorry for her.

 

EDIT: Sick, or pregnant... and trust me, I know that's the last thing she wants. I have so many mixed emotions. I feel used, I feel pain, but I also feel quite cynical watching her life spiral downwards.

[mikeyx22]

speaking of which, did you get yourself tested after being with such a person?