Lozak Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 Just to start this off, the person I'm referring to is the same girl from my previous posts- I thought I was over her, and was just looking at her as just a friend like I should be, and then this happens. So here I sit, half in my chair, half in my drunken stupor. It's taken me a considerable amount of effort to make it from my bed over to my computer, and now that I'm here I'm still not sure what to say. I guess all I can do is relay the situation, then go from there: As previously mentioned in my other threads, there's a girl I work with who I'm very attracted to. Tried to make something happened, got, "I like just being friends with you," blah blah, move on; it's happened with every other girl I've had feelings for, so whatever. It took me a bit, but I actually managed to achieve my goal: I was finally seeing her as just a friend, despite having the same feelings for her. I've long been resigned to the mindset that nothing will happen between us, and to some degree I'm okay with that. Today was a semi-annual party that our boss throws. We have a massive block party-like event every March at our restaurant, and this is the appreciation party for us working it. I show up there with my brother and best friend, we start partying and eating. Finally, the aforementioned girl arrives. Normal conversation, nothing overly-flirtatious or anything like that. As the night goes on, we both get drunker and drunker. Despite being 18, I still drink frequently and my tolerance is pretty damn high, so I'm better-off than she is. We wind up with a bunch of people in a hot tub, (nothing happens here) and I get out to go check if my phone was working (right when I arrived, my boss blindsided me into the pool). As I'm walking back outside, but still out of sight from everyone else, she walks up. We make a couple jokes, and eventually are holding each other, faces touching, having soft conversation. I forget what was said, but I jokingly responded, "If you weren't drunk, you probably wouldn't be holding me like this...trying not to lead me on or something." She replies that she would, and asks what I'm talking about, to which I respond that she knows how I feel about her - she says she doesn't believe me, and says that if I did I would've kissed her by now. We kiss for a few seconds, and after it breaks I tell her that even though I was drunk, I shouldn't have done that, since it wouldn't have happened without her being drunk and she would probably regret it later, to which she disagrees. After I say that, the conversation gets slightly more serious. We start talking about how I feel about her, and I tell her that I even though I know she doesn't feel the same way, I'm okay with that. She cuts me off, and says, "That's not how it is....I'm just not ready for how you make me feel - I don't think I deserve you, and you don't deserve to have me hurt you." I tell her that she deserves better than me, and she says with a small laugh, "That makes me feel like you don't really know me." The conversation shifts to that topic, and I lift her eyes to mine and tell her that she can't catch herself up in all that "I don't deserve him/her, or he/she deserves better than me" nonsense, and just has to follow what she feels. We kissed a couple more times during that exchange, and one more time when I walked her to her door (by the time we were ready to leave, she was still too drunk to drive, so I drove her and had my brother follow us). Before I left, I told her that I really would like to have the conversation over again without alcohol, she agreed and we made plans to hang out on Tuesday. So, there's the situation. We work together tomorrow, and I don't really see any awkwardness coming from that, other than maybe a bit of different eye contact the first time we see each other. Currently, my plan for Tuesday is not to sit and try and convince her to feel the same way about me that I do for her - that's up to her. I intend to ask if she does have any feelings for me, and if she ever sees us being anything more than just friends. Previous conversations as well as some of the things she said tonight makes it pretty clear that she's been hurt in the past, and has an unnecessarily-low opinion of herself. If she tells me that she doesn't (probably the likely situation), I'm going to address that and just try and convince her that she deserves more than she thinks she does. Here's where the wall of text ends. Any thoughts, opinions, or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. At this point, I'm not even sure if I'm posting this because I actually want/need help, or if I'm just trying to vent. Link to comment
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