Not sure what to think at this point.

[Lozak]

Just to start this off, the person I'm referring to is the same girl from my previous posts- I thought I was over her, and was just looking at her as just a friend like I should be, and then this happens.

 

 

So here I sit, half in my chair, half in my drunken stupor. It's taken me a considerable amount of effort to make it from my bed over to my computer, and now that I'm here I'm still not sure what to say. I guess all I can do is relay the situation, then go from there:

 

As previously mentioned in my other threads, there's a girl I work with who I'm very attracted to. Tried to make something happened, got, "I like just being friends with you," blah blah, move on; it's happened with every other girl I've had feelings for, so whatever.

 

It took me a bit, but I actually managed to achieve my goal: I was finally seeing her as just a friend, despite having the same feelings for her. I've long been resigned to the mindset that nothing will happen between us, and to some degree I'm okay with that.

 

Today was a semi-annual party that our boss throws. We have a massive block party-like event every March at our restaurant, and this is the appreciation party for us working it. I show up there with my brother and best friend, we start partying and eating. Finally, the aforementioned girl arrives. Normal conversation, nothing overly-flirtatious or anything like that.

 

As the night goes on, we both get drunker and drunker. Despite being 18, I still drink frequently and my tolerance is pretty damn high, so I'm better-off than she is. We wind up with a bunch of people in a hot tub, (nothing happens here) and I get out to go check if my phone was working (right when I arrived, my boss blindsided me into the pool).

 

As I'm walking back outside, but still out of sight from everyone else, she walks up. We make a couple jokes, and eventually are holding each other, faces touching, having soft conversation. I forget what was said, but I jokingly responded, "If you weren't drunk, you probably wouldn't be holding me like this...trying not to lead me on or something." She replies that she would, and asks what I'm talking about, to which I respond that she knows how I feel about her - she says she doesn't believe me, and says that if I did I would've kissed her by now. We kiss for a few seconds, and after it breaks I tell her that even though I was drunk, I shouldn't have done that, since it wouldn't have happened without her being drunk and she would probably regret it later, to which she disagrees.

 

After I say that, the conversation gets slightly more serious. We start talking about how I feel about her, and I tell her that I even though I know she doesn't feel the same way, I'm okay with that. She cuts me off, and says, "That's not how it is....I'm just not ready for how you make me feel - I don't think I deserve you, and you don't deserve to have me hurt you." I tell her that she deserves better than me, and she says with a small laugh, "That makes me feel like you don't really know me." The conversation shifts to that topic, and I lift her eyes to mine and tell her that she can't catch herself up in all that "I don't deserve him/her, or he/she deserves better than me" nonsense, and just has to follow what she feels.

 

We kissed a couple more times during that exchange, and one more time when I walked her to her door (by the time we were ready to leave, she was still too drunk to drive, so I drove her and had my brother follow us). Before I left, I told her that I really would like to have the conversation over again without alcohol, she agreed and we made plans to hang out on Tuesday.

 

 

So, there's the situation. We work together tomorrow, and I don't really see any awkwardness coming from that, other than maybe a bit of different eye contact the first time we see each other. Currently, my plan for Tuesday is not to sit and try and convince her to feel the same way about me that I do for her - that's up to her. I intend to ask if she does have any feelings for me, and if she ever sees us being anything more than just friends. Previous conversations as well as some of the things she said tonight makes it pretty clear that she's been hurt in the past, and has an unnecessarily-low opinion of herself. If she tells me that she doesn't (probably the likely situation), I'm going to address that and just try and convince her that she deserves more than she thinks she does.

 

 

Here's where the wall of text ends. Any thoughts, opinions, or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. At this point, I'm not even sure if I'm posting this because I actually want/need help, or if I'm just trying to vent.

[mikeyx22]

"That's not how it is....I'm just not ready for how you make me feel - I don't think I deserve you, and you don't deserve to have me hurt you."

You're a good guy. Women instinctually know they're not attracted to nice people in the long term. She's probably being sincere when she says she'll end up hurting you. Women are largely motivated by their sex drives, but can't act on the impulses most of the time due to various emotional and social consequences. As with anyone though, you can't exactly hold it in forever.

"she says she doesn't believe me, and says that if I did I would've kissed her by now."

First a note about alcohol that should be self-evident. Unless the person is wasted out of their mind, they're more likely to be honest and do what they want to rather than socially refine themselves. That's why people drink to begin with. That and the myth that alcohol can be blamed for one's own actions (which is only the case if you've drank WAY too much). So, on the note of that quote, Adopt the idea of respect by honesty at times rather than "personal space". If you give somebody their space, you're not in it by default. That's fine if you don't want to be in it, or they don't want you to. But if they do, it's not something a girl can actually TELL a guy because it's supposed to be the guy's job to be himself/comfortable enough to just say/do what he feels. If not, then it's subconsciously assumed something's wrong with him or the feelings are nonexistent.

 

See where things go. The talk will let you know where everything stands. Be comfortable, or at least open and semi-relaxed so she can be comfortable too. If you're looking for a lesson or tip of some sort, I guess it's that respect doesn't always necessitate distance.

[RedDress]

I'm going to have to agree with the poster above.

 

Alcohol doesn't change you into another person and doesn't make you do things that are not somewhere in your character. It just removes ALL filters and gives you the 'courage' you need to do certain things. People who use alcohol as an excuse are lame. They just don't want to own up to their actions. Don't be fooled... they are very much in control.

 

As per what she said - she likes you, she is attracted to you, she's just scared.

 

Also - stop trying to tell her that you 'respect' her decision. You are making things hard on her! Haha... Stop with the insecurity, already. If she didn't want to be kissing you, she wouldn't be. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't be going out with you.

 

That whole 'feelings' conversation is a turn-off too. Slooooow down, bucko! When you see her on Tuesday, just ask her if you guys are 'still up for tonight'?

 

Just go with the flow now.

[givinggirl]

Alcohol doesn't change you into another person and doesn't make you do things that are not somewhere in your character. It just removes ALL filters and gives you the 'courage' you need to do certain things. People who use alcohol as an excuse are lame. They just don't want to own up to their actions. Don't be fooled... they are very much in control.

 

I agree with this. Although, I do have friends who have said that they get fuzzy on details, like they are watching a movie without sound. I guess I have never drank enough to get to that point, so I don't understand it. I do think that people are less rigid and more free when drinking.

 

It will be interesting to see what she remembers or admits to remembering. Some people use being drunk as a reason to "not remember" events that are scary or embarrassing to them.

 

Just see how Tuesday goes. I would wait and see how the interactions go before deciding whether or not to discuss it. See if she brings it up first. Has she dated anyone before?

[Lozak]

Has she dated anyone before?

Yes, she has. Not really sure of the exact number, as it obviously isn't a question that I commonly ask people, but she has, unlike me, dated before.

 

And to all the posters: Thanks for your opinions, guys, all of your help is very much appreciated. Her sister came into work today really broken apart over just breaking up with her boyfriend, so I messaged her on Facebook (didn't get a chance to speak with her before I left) telling her we should just go eat on Thursday instead, as I'll have my phone by then and I figured she would probably want to be there for her sister tomorrow instead.

[Lozak]

If she didn't want to be kissing you, she wouldn't be. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't be going out with you.

 

Not sure if I'm misinterpreting you, or you me, but we aren't dating (unless you meant 'going out' in the 'hanging out/going places' sense).

 

If it's of any note, she did start crying around the, "That makes me feel like you don't know me," part.

 

Also, if she doesn't bring up the subject next time we're together, should I take that as a sign that she doesn't want to talk about it, and just drop it?

[Nomadic Intent]

I don't know, i'm getting red flags here. Sorry to be a bearer of bad news.

 

What stuck out: "I don't think I deserve you, and you don't deserve to have me hurt you."

 

Sounds like she's well aware of her actions, and could be hinting at an inevitable event. I have known many a person who had done bad things and hurt either themselves or their SO, just because they felt 'inferior'. SHe's also VERY insecure about herself at the moment. Be careful with that.

 

And dare i say, i felt inferior to a girl i once loved. It wasn't healthy, and it ended terribly. I never let myself feel that way ever again, ever. I know what she means with that statement above.

 

But it sounds like you're in too deep already. I hope, and i really mean it, that i'm wrong about her. I already know your decision to pursue this relationship, so please, please tread carefully.

[Lozak]

@Nomadic Intent:

 

Thanks for your opinion, but don't think I haven't thought the same thing already, lol. And I hope the same thing you do, but I'm not really planning on pursuing anything - at this point, I plan on just seeing where the ride takes me