Elka Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 that pretty much sums it up. and granted, i work in a bar and a lot of the rules that apply to most workplaces don't apply to bars. but i'm pretty sure it's not normal (even for bars) for bosses to be having daily contact with employees about things not related to work. and, from what i've gathered, i'm the definition of his type. so, what is it? is he just trying to get to know someone he works with, or should i be careful with this? any advice/opinions will be GREATLY appreciated. Link to comment
Partime_Judas Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 First daily contact is defined how here? Is he bumping against you, calling you at home to talk, showing up randomly on your off time, what? Secondly, you're feeling uneasy about it so I assume his advances are unwelcome. Even if they are, you need to decide what you want and talk to the guy. He either needs to know you're not cool with this kind of behavior, or that you're kinda curious about it and like it. From there it comes down to how to manage it either way. That's all I have given the current information. Have a good day! ~~PJ Link to comment
alli Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 It depends. In general it is a bad idea to date the boss because of the perception of unfairness to other employees, be it real or not. Maybe they think "well, I'm getting screwed on shifts because I'm not willing to sleep with the boss". Anytime he does you any favors, be it better shifts, letting you off your scheduled worktime, etc, it doesn't matter if he would have done that for you anyway if you weren't dating. Others will think he's giving you preferential treatment because of your relationship. What if you decide you don't want to see him anymore? How will he react? He's your boss & normally you do what he tells you to. Will you be able to end it with him? And what if he breaks up with you?? Maybe he will fire you just because he doesn't want to see you around. Yeah, legally I don't think he's allowed to do that, but he's the boss. Good luck proving it. Now, this is all worst case scenario. Just be careful! Link to comment
Elka Posted May 31, 2010 Author Share Posted May 31, 2010 when i'm not working at the bar, i'm either working my other job or with my friends/family (i have four nieces and nephews and live with my older sister). at work (keep in mind it's a bar, and a small bar at that) it's kind of hard to work together and NOT bump into eachother a lot. neither one of us likes to talk on the phone, so the outside-work contact is all texts, daily and often until three or four in the morning. the attention isn't unwelcome, i'm just unsure because he IS my boss and depending on how this works out, i could easily lose my job. Link to comment
IvantheAvg Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 Thats alot of texts on a daily basis. The problem here is the power imbalance...you must walk the lilne of making him respect you while at the same time not hurting is ego...if you like him then there is no problem...yet...but if you don't you need to start drawing boundaries. Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 I'm going to be blunt and assume that he wants to make you another notch on his belt. To think of it that way, what do you want to do going forward? Link to comment
Elka Posted May 31, 2010 Author Share Posted May 31, 2010 the bluntness is very much appreciated, i had kind of assumed as much. not being a girl for relationships, being a "notch" doesn't really bother me, just as long as it's a fun time. Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 the bluntness is very much appreciated, i had kind of assumed as much. not being a girl for relationships, being a "notch" doesn't really bother me, just as long as it's a fun time. Understandable, but if this potentially has a chance to change your work environment, then you need to think thoroughly before you engage. Link to comment
Elka Posted May 31, 2010 Author Share Posted May 31, 2010 things have gotten WAY more complicated in the last three hours............. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 things have gotten WAY more complicated in the last three hours............. How so? I just want to say that you texting him outside of work is a big sign that he is interested in something with you. Not sure if it's a fling or a real relationship, but it is deemed inappropriate to be texting/communicating with insubordinates outside of work hours, let alone have their cell phone number on hand. Do you like him at all? I'd tread slowly until you know his intentions. I am in a relationship with my former boss (we worked at a restaurant) and at first I was really freaked out, but I couldn't be happier now. If you do decide to pursue something with this man, make sure you are okay with not working at that bar anymore. Link to comment
Elka Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 Well, the other night I get a surprise: he's got a girlfriend. TA-DA!!! I was more than a little surprised by that. The next night, he was drinking and texting me and admitted that his girlfriend thought he was cheating on her with me I'm NOT that kind of girl!!!! I would never be part of cheating. Then, earlier tonight, he told me that they had broken up. Link to comment
alli Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 Well, the other night I get a surprise: he's got a girlfriend. TA-DA!!! I was more than a little surprised by that. The next night, he was drinking and texting me and admitted that his girlfriend thought he was cheating on her with me I'm NOT that kind of girl!!!! I would never be part of cheating. Then, earlier tonight, he told me that they had broken up. Doubt it. Even if it is true, it wouldn't be smart for you to just believe it without waiting a awhile to verify it & see if they get back together anyway. Not that I think it's a good idea to date someone who led you to believe they were single when they weren't. Link to comment
Elka Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 you're probably right. and i don't want to be the girl who hurts another girl that's not me. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 you're probably right. and i don't want to be the girl who hurts another girl that's not me. Good job. I'd stop replying to his texts if I were you. Keep it professional and slowly re-establish boundaries. Link to comment
Elka Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 one of my best friends helped me come up with a plan for dealing with this just now it's called "operation dude-broad". basically, i'm going to turn myself into "one of the guys". i'm pretty good at that. it's unfortunately going to involve sports-bras to minimize "the girls" and crew-neck t-shirts. but i'm almost positive this is going to work thanks for the advice. i'll keep you guys posted...... literally. lol. Link to comment
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