Messy Situation Between Friends...

[PaGuy23]

Hi everyone,

 

First time poster hoping to gain some insight into a recent incident I've had.

 

A girl and I were friends for 3 months we met through my group of friends, we hit it off instantly and instantly became good friends. After a month of knowing each other she was texting me, all day, everyday, this continued for 2 months. She would talk to me about every minuscule detail of her life and would tell me how funny I was and was always really interested in what I had to say. We'd also hang out a couple times a week in our group of friends.

 

So one night we were hanging out at her house in our group of friends and everyone went to bed but she and I stayed up until four in the morning talking and cuddling. I assumed she liked me and I developed feelings for her and told her I liked her and liked spending time with her. She said she liked spending time with me too. Then things were normal for a week, and then she spent an afternoon with her friends and stopped talking to me like normal. A day or two later our friend tells me, she was not expecting it and didn't see our relationship like that.

 

So I expressed that our friend had told me this and told her I didn't want to lose her as a friend. She said everything was fine then started giving me the silent treatment. During this silent treatment she would give me one word answers and not talk to me like normal. I asked her again to express her truthful feelings to me because I really didn't want to ruin our friendship. Then she completely stopped communicating with me and would not answer me, by any means. So after that her friend tells me "She doesn't want a relationship, she might be moving". Which I believe she should be able to express to me herself. Our friend also tells me She's ignoring me because "I won't let it go and I'm annoying her." When the entire time all I asked was to talk about it, resolve it and to move forward as friends. I contact her and apologize and state I wish we could talk about it to resolve things, because again I didn't want to lose her as a friend over it.

 

Our friend is a male and real immature and she has know him since highschool. He tells me to " just stop talking about it" which I know is bad advice because it solves nothing. I tell him no, she should be able to answer me and give me closure on the subject, so we can move forward. A week later I get texts from her stating that "she misses me, and I was the funniest guy she knows and she wants to make a relationship work."

 

Two hours later her friend from high school texts me from his phone and tells me she gave him his phone and it was all him and a huge joke and they were letting our entire group of friends read the messages I was sending back. I respond that it's not ok to exploit someones emotions and I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy and I send her the same text.

 

The very next day her same friend texts me pictures of her kissing two other guys that are frowning and making baby faces in the picture.

 

This girl is 25 years old and has a B.A. degree is psychology. I don't understand why anyone would be so cruel to me, when I'm just trying to be nice. I guess I'm just looking for some positive insight into this situation other than "what doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger."

[Crazyaboutdogs]

The positive insight I can give you is be grateful you found out what a lowlife she is before investing much time in her. Her friend sounds pretty stupid and she is not far behind on the stupid scale. Having a psychology degree and even being in clinical practice doesn't necessarily make a person behave properly.

[Partime_Judas]

I know this is going to sound like sucky advice, but ponder it for a moment okay?

She's 25, getting all cuddly, building you up, and talking to you like she wants a relationship then bolts. Should this happen in the future I've found the best response it to let go. If a person doesn't want to talk, let them. Maybe they decide to change their mind, maybe not. If not, then you don't lose much. If they do, then you gain a bunch.Yeah not talking about it doesn't seem to solve the "problem" but sometimes, the problem is in the other person. She's 25 and acting like a child. Her actions after the fact only confirmed that. Don't beat yourself up too bad over it man. Maybe I'm a little bit Cro Magnon but I would find her highschool friend and kick the sh.it out of him though. ... what a douche. Don't feel hurt guy, in the end she wasn't worth it. You'll find someone who appreciates you, just keep rollin'. ~~PJ

[huskiesfan]

Neither of them sound like real winners to be around.

 

I would stop talking to the girl completely. Let her play around with her friends and be dumb on her own. Unfortunately, you chasing after her is only going to give her more fodder to tease you with. In a way, it's like dealing with the schoolyard bully-if you don't react to her, sooner or later, she'll either shut up about it, or grow up a little and maybe try to be a little more civil to you. If this is how she treats guys, she is in for a rude awakening when she actually tries to be in a relationship.

 

As for her guy friend, let him go too. He'll learn his lesson eventually when he acts like a d-bag to the wrong guy and gets a fist to his jaw for all his trouble. I've seen it happen before. You'll be happier in the end if you just drop them like a bad habit and do more constructive things with your time. There will be a woman who genuinely likes you and won't play games with you, trust me.

[PaGuy23]

Thanks for the replies everyone! I feel much better gaining some outside insight on the subject. I'm glad there are normal and kind people who agree with me on this.

 

Thanks for the advice on what to do, I had stopped trying to contact her before I wrote the post. I just wanted to post here to get outside opinions on the situation. It was driving me crazy because of course these two try and make me look like a bad guy (non of our other friends agree), and I know I was acting like a normal and mature person on this.

 

The more I think about it the more I'm glad that I didn't get sucked into her any further because after contemplating about it, there's some other things I'm not comfortable with. We were at dinner a couple months ago while it was cold out and one of our friends stormed out for some reason and was sitting on the curb outside the restaurant and one of the guys at the table (one of the ones she was kissing in the photos) said "leave her out there for a half an hour, I want more coffee" and she said "No, I actually have a soul". So she won't let someone sit in the cold, but will mentally torture another (me) with no remorse. I guess I wish it was cold out, maybe I could've just told her I was sitting outside somewhere and her heart would've grown ten times its normal size. Lol. Anyway I'm thankful to be getting over it and I'm thankful for all your opinions. People like you keep my faith in humanity alive and well.

 

If any other readers have something to add please do!

[MisterMister]

If you guys are as close as you were, I'm sure it would be hard to just outright stop talking to her but if she's being deliberately antagonistic towards you, there is a major problem.

[PaGuy23]

MisterMister. Thanks for the reply, Since we were so close it is really hard for me to just stop talking to her, I'd like to remain friends as I don't see it as that big of a deal. I just wonder what the problem could be? Any ideas? This could've easily been solved by talking through it with one conversation in the beginning. I've never been in a situation like this before where someone will just stop talking to me.

 

I've also done some research on sociopaths and her male friend fits the description pretty well, he has half of the traits of one. Could he be controlling her feelings on the situation since he's such a close friend? He obviously controlled the two situations where he texted me from her phone and when he sent me pictures from his phone.

 

I really have no clue what's going on and the lack of closure and wondering what went wrong really eats at me. I'm 100% back to myself again, but I still find myself wondering why it ended up this way...

[givinggirl]

I wouldn't trust her friend and you really don't know what he was saying to her. It's very hard when other people get into the middle of relationships where they don't belong. It sounds like she is very mean and immature though.

 

When you posted on my thread our situations sounded similar, but now that I read this, they are different. They are being downright cruel and mean, doing things to you and then making fun as a group and rubbing it in your face. That is just awful! I wouldn't want to be friends with any of them after that.

[PaGuy23]

I wouldn't trust her friend and you really don't know what he was saying to her. It's very hard when other people get into the middle of relationships where they don't belong. It sounds like she is very mean and immature though.

 

When you posted on my thread our situations sounded similar, but now that I read this, they are different. They are being downright cruel and mean, doing things to you and then making fun as a group and rubbing it in your face. That is just awful! I wouldn't want to be friends with any of them after that.

 

I agree, They are similar and dissimilar in ways. I agree that what they did to me is very wrong and I have other groups of friends, but one of my very best friends is involved in this group and he sticks by me and is impartial in every way, and he wasn't there for the phone incident or he would've told me what was going on.

 

So I forgive and forget and try and make peace because I feel its the right thing to do. But again to no avail I get the silent treatment and harassed by this other guy friend to "let it go" nonstop which makes no sense giving the situation and the fact that I'm just trying to be nice and be friends with everyone. Like I said in your thread, sometimes people really disappoint you on every level they can.