When would you expect someone to cancel plans on short notice?

[stella74]

If you're interested in someone, what are your expectations in terms of that person canceling plans to be with you?

 

I've always felt that I don't have to cancel plans, in the very early stages of dating, if a man asks me out for that same day/night or the next day/night. That means that even if I really liked someone, I would be honest that I already had plans, and I would make it clear that I would really like to go out and would like to find a different day or night to get together.

 

Am I not prioritizing dating enough? Or is it wise to set these sorts of boundaries in the beginning to show that I'm not willing to drop everything on short notice to be with the man?

 

In my experience, the men who were really interested in me never asked me out on short notice in the early stages of dating. They always asked me out at least 2-3 days in advance. After the first few dates, I would have no problem with going out on short notice and changing plans to be with the man.

 

What do you think? What has been your experience?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It depends what changing plans mean...if it means blowing someone else off in order to go on a date then I don't think it is appropriate to cancel plans on short notice no matter how long you have been seeing the person. If changing plans doesn't affect anyone else then I might consider it depending on what the original plan was.

[citymouse]

I've always felt that I don't have to cancel plans, in the very early stages of dating, if a man asks me out for that same day/night or the next day/night. ..........

Am I not prioritizing dating enough? Or is it wise to set these sorts of boundaries in the beginning to show that I'm not willing to drop everything on short notice to be with the man?

 

 

I think it is definitely wise. I think it would be obnoxious to cancel plans with a friend on the day of -- just because some guy asked you out.

 

Besides just being good manners to keep your commitments, I think it also sets a healthy tone for yourself. I don't think it's healthy to panic and drop everything just because a guy asks you out at the last minute.

 

Last Christmas I had just met my boyfriend. We had only been out on one date and it went well. He asked me out for New Year's Eve about four days in advance. I told him no because I already had plans. I did have plans -- not with another date, but with a longtime friend. My friend told me I was crazy to blow off a hot date but I feel like I did the right thing.

 

I think it applies to phone calls too -- I'll give you an example. The other night I was on the phone with my sister and we were having a nice conversation. Then my phone beeped with an incoming call -- it was my b/f. I interrupted my sister and said, "Gotta go, he's calling! I'll call you back after I'm done talking to him!" And took the call from him.

 

 

But then I thought about it and I felt like I had been rude to end our call so abruptly. When I called her back I apologized... she said it didn't bother her and she understood -- and I believe her -- but still I don't want to be that kind of person who drops everything when the call comes through.

So I'm not going to do that anymore.

 

The world won't come to a stop if you miss a guy's call or if you have to make plans on a different day. In fact if you stick to your plans and have a life, it will create a better backdrop for a relationship to grow and flourish IMO.

[stella74]

Good points CAD and Citymouse. I guess I'm leaving this thread open ended. This has definitely been something I've thought a lot about in the past, so it's great to get other peoples' perspectives.

[givinggirl]

I also don't think you should cancel plans. You both have lives and schedules that have to be worked around. If someone expects you to cancel plans, I think that is disrespectful. If people already have plans, I might be disappointed, but I would understand and not hold it against them. I think once you've committed to plans with other people, you keep them unless you get sick or need to attend a funeral. It's all about respect for everyone involved.

[digger11]

I agree that if a guy is truly interested he will give you enough time to plan accordingly with your sched. doesn't mean he is NOT interested if it's short, maybe there was a break in his sched. but no, don't drop your friends like it's hot

[DN]

Definitely depends on the plans. Letting someone else down is a definite no. In fact, if I were in the dating game and a woman did that to be on a date with me I would not be impressed.

 

But if she had plans to iron her socks or alphabetize her shopping list I would be impressed if she decided to do that another time.

 

Also - I would be impressed if she could be spontaneous enough to accept a date on short notice. If she had a rule against it - no second offer.

[stella74]

But if she had plans to iron her socks or alphabetize her shopping list I would be impressed if she decided to do that another time.

 

LOL That cracked me up DN.

[BriarRose]

I would never cancel with someone last minute, unless it was something truly serious like a family emergency. Conversely, I would never accept a date last minute, either. Like you, I have found that men that were really interested in getting to know me asked me out at least a few days ahead, often at the end of our last date.