Girlfriend lied about hooking up with people and continues talking to them. Can i say stop?

[Funstuff]

My girlfriend lied to me about hooking up with a few different guys, and i hateeeeee the idea of her talking to them because of the fact she lied to me about it.

 

I have no problem her hanging out or talking to previous boyfriends etc, just the ones she lied to me about make me feel uneasy.

 

Is it my place to step in, and say don't do it?

[metrogirl]

What's the alternative, let her continue lying?

 

Define hooking up?

[Funstuff]

Straight up telling me she didn't do anything with those specific people

 

When she did.

One example was me asking if she had talked about sex with 1 of them previously to having it, She denyed it. Then 1 day she told me she had lied to me, and that she had.

 

Another was me asking if she slept (like actual sleep not sex) with one after they fooled around she said no, when she did.

 

 

It hurts so much, her even comminucating with them.

And im not a controling person i just want to know if its my spot to say don't.

[waveseer]

Infidelity IS lying. A relationship based on lies is a farce. Take care of yourself and release her to her own devices.

[Funstuff]

The hooking up happened before me not during, but the lieing happened after we started dateing.

[waveseer]

What difference does it make what she did (or what she did or didn't say about it) before you were together?

[Funstuff]

The fact she lied, if she didn't talk about it i would'nt care.

But the fact she can outright lie to me.

[digger11]

IMO, she doesnt have to tell you who she had sex w. before the relationship, and you shouldnt be asking.

[DrKitten]

Did she tell you WHY she lied? Or did you catch her in these lies and she doesn't know you know?

[Dragunov-21]

My girlfriend lied to me about hooking up with a few different guys, and i hateeeeee the idea of her talking to them because of the fact she lied to me about it.

 

I have no problem her hanging out or talking to previous boyfriends etc, just the ones she lied to me about make me feel uneasy.

 

Is it my place to step in, and say don't do it?

 

Not really. You can say it makes you uncomfortable, sure, but if someone I'm with tells me to stop seeing/talking to someone to assuage their own insecurities, see how much longer I'm with them.

 

Mind you...

 

The hooking up happened before me not during, but the lieing happened after we started dateing.

 

So your gf lied to you about details of previous intimacies, and that's why you're insecure? Sorry mate, that's completely understandable - some people just don't feel comfortable discussing that sort of stuff with their new guy/girl.

 

I hope you didn't push for the information, because honestly it's her business, and only yours if and when she feels comfortable telling you, which if she lied about it, I'd suggest she wasn't.

 

In this situation, I would suggest you try to move past it and realise it's no threat to you, or failing that, learn to be more resilient. I'd say two of her friends are worth a great deal more than a (IMO) baseless insecurity.

[waveseer]

How could you have proof that she lied? Are you taking someone else's word against hers? Why?

[Funstuff]

How could you have proof that she lied? Are you taking someone else's word against hers? Why?

 

 

shes told me.

[waveseer]

shes told me.

 

Did she tell you why she lied? Did she tell you why she told you she lied? Usually people twist or malign the truth because they are embarrassed. Do you really think there's a sinister reason? She didn't have to tell you about any of it.

[petite]

It is possible that maybe she just didn't want to hurt you, even though lying does hurt. Maybe she just didn't want to get upset over it. I don't approve of ehat she did, but trry and understand her side.

 

Is she sorry for lying? Are you hurt because she lied of what she lied about?

[greywolf]

Straight up telling me she didn't do anything with those specific people

 

When she did.

One example was me asking if she had talked about sex with 1 of them previously to having it, She denyed it. Then 1 day she told me she had lied to me, and that she had.

 

Another was me asking if she slept (like actual sleep not sex) with one after they fooled around she said no, when she did.

 

 

It hurts so much, her even comminucating with them.

And im not a controling person i just want to know if its my spot to say don't.

 

She didn't outright lie to you. You asked her some questions that were none of your business, and she felt uncomfortable telling you.

[NYC5thAvenue]

Did you explain to her that she didn't need to lie to you about the people whom she is with... so long as there is nothing between them?

 

Try to talk to her once more time & explain to her how you feel. Tell her about the 'consequences' that might happen if she keeps on lying. Tell her how you feel & say you really cannot take it anymore if she keeps lying.

 

If she is smart, she would stop. If not, you know what to do next then ;-)