A realization

[gravity]

Last night while lying in bed I finally realized WHY I've had such a hard time trusting my GF of two years. For two years I've had trust issues with this girl, not something I've had occur in other relationships. I know part of it comes from within myself, since my last relationship ended . . . poorly, with someone I trusted/loved setting me up for heartbreak ON PURPOSE. But I'm a resilient person and that single action could not explain my current insecurities.

 

But I often had/have an uneasy feeling about current GF even though we live together and do love each other. (full disclosure here: she DID have an emotional affair with an ex a few months back, I forgave & we're working on it was best we can but it sure didn't help the situation, and I've taken a huge step back to analyse our relationship and think things through) I know many of you think I'm silly for believing she cares but she really has made some pretty big sacrifices over the past two years so we could be together, not the actions of someone who is just using me.

 

Anyways I realized last night that a major obstacle in my trust in her is the stories she's told me about when she was single and how she would hook up with guys (some of who had GF's and a fiancée in one case) knowing they were in relationships and doing it anyways. I guess what bugged me was the fact that she showed no type of remorse or guilt about any of it. I mean how does that reflect on ones opinion of monogamous relationships? It also reeks of psychopathy . . . not that I'm calling her that by any means but she does struggle with Bi-polar disorder (or used to, she hasn't exhibited any of that behavior in well over a year and a half since she stopped her meds and I taught her a bunch of coping mechanisms)

 

I feel like I want to talk to her about this but I'm not sure it will help really . . . maybe I should keep my realizations to myself.

 

Thoughts?

[DN]

What would be accomplished by telling her?

[gravity]

Good question. I guess I'm just looking for any info one way or another into what she's actually thinking since I can't seem to read her as well as I thought.

[DN]

You won't find out that way.

[gravity]

But doesn't everyone say communication is key?

[DN]

Only when it is constructive. I can't see how you can raise this without her thinking you don't trust her. You may have reason for that after the emotional affair but this won't help if you bring it up.

 

Has she done anything since to make you distrust her?

[gravity]

Only when it is constructive. I can't see how you can raise this without her thinking you don't trust her. You may have reason for that after the emotional affair but this won't help if you bring it up.

 

Has she done anything since to make you distrust her?

 

OK, that's kinda what I was worried about, I fear the more I make an issue out of it the more likely this relationship will fail. I guess I need to learn to filter issues from legitimate concerns better in order to only discuss problems with her when it will be constructive.

 

And no, she's been very open about everything since I took her back.