I just can't find a man who likes me for who I am.. It's depressing.

[Aaliyah]

I guess I can call myself unique in a sense that I'm not like other girls. I'm not a supermodel or drop dead gorgeous. I'm somewhat shy and a loner. Not really good at anything. I have my own sense of fashion style. So with that, I feel like most men wouldn't be attracted to me because of that and I'm right. I just can't EVER seem to find a man that likes me for me. I've tried online dating where I had profiles stating my interests & showing my true personality, having pics of me up and I tried responding to a lot of guy's ads to show interest, only for my message to be completely ignored. It's really getting to me, which just adds to my loneliness and depression.

 

I don't understand it really, I've been told that I've been beautiful before and that I'm very attractive, but if that was the case.. why does it seem like men are never interested in me? There are sometimes where I may catch a guy staring at me or checking me out, but they never talk to me. I've actually gone on dates with people and after the 1st date, they completely lose interest in me altogether. They either put me in the friend zone or they just disappear like a coward...

 

This whole thing is very frustrating for me..

[ATLstudent]

Would there be anything that's scaring them off.....hows your personality.....If u are attractive and are being available to guys then there shouldnt be to much trouble for you. Are u meeting guys that live around you or in school......take a look at past flings or relationships, what happened in these....did u leave...or did theguy....just a few things to think about

[Aaliyah]

Would there be anything that's scaring them off.....hows your personality.....If u are attractive and are being available to guys then there shouldnt be to much trouble for you. Are u meeting guys that live around you or in school......take a look at past flings or relationships, what happened in these....did u leave...or did theguy....just a few things to think about

 

I don't think it's anything that's scaring them off.. I'm very talkative and I'm a good listener as well. Very confident when I meet guys but it just seems like after a first date, lose interest. Like I've said I haven't had much luck online, I can't even get most guys to respond to my messages so I'm afraid it maybe my looks which is kind of depressing me

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I doubt if it is the looks...even the most average women manage to find men online if they exude sexuality. If you are more on the conservative side, shy and loner type then it becomes more difficult to attract men because many men don't seem to want that and the ones who do seem to be in the woodwork, not out in the open.

[mca1975]

So you say you are shy and a loner, but yet you are confident and talkative when you meet guys? Thats a little bit of a contradiction. Im just thinking do you have to put on that confidence, or do you actually feel confident?

 

People can sense confidence. You shouldn't feel that you need to change yourself in anyway, you are who you are and there are lots of guys who love that in a woman and women who are individual.

[Aaliyah]

So you say you are shy and a loner, but yet you are confident and talkative when you meet guys? Thats a little bit of a contradiction. Im just thinking do you have to put on that confidence, or do you actually feel confident?

 

People can sense confidence. You shouldn't feel that you need to change yourself in anyway, you are who you are and there are lots of guys who love that in a woman and women who are individual.

 

To be honest with you, The confidence thing is an act. I try my best to keep the conversation flowing. Trying to be funny, constantly talking, maybe guys can see through me and it turns them off perhaps. Going out with guys on dates are so awkward and nerve wrecking. I'm never sure what to say,or how to act. I'm constantly worried about what they thinking etc etc. Maybe it's off putting. Maybe I should just give up on this dating thing because evidently I'm not ready for all of this.

[mca1975]

I dont' date! I hate it, Ive never dated. I always meet my partners though friends and it just develops. Ive only ever been out on two dates in my life and I hated it so much, so nervous. I think dating is far too pressurised for some people.

 

However, I am very confident in how I look and I think that comes accross and I get a lot of interest, not that I'm interested right now.

 

Do you feel that you look attractive, in your eyes?

[Aaliyah]

I dont' date! I hate it, Ive never dated. I always meet my partners though friends and it just develops. Ive only ever been out on two dates in my life and I hated it so much, so nervous. I think dating is far too pressurised for some people.

 

However, I am very confident in how I look and I think that comes accross and I get a lot of interest, not that I'm interested right now.

 

Do you feel that you look attractive, in your eyes?

 

How I feel about myself varies from time to time. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm very attractive and there are sometimes I feel good and confident in my skin but I think I feel more unattractive than anything..

[mca1975]

Well we all have days when we don't feel that attractive. I think that the most attractive thing is a happy vibe. I'm not totally happy right now. Im happy to be out of my relationship, but I am unhappy about losing a baby recently. There must be something about me at the moment that is attractive.

 

Is this issue the only thing you are unhappy about?

 

I have to say there seems to a shortage of good men out there, lol.

[mca1975]

Maybe you need to relax more and accept who you are, people will sense that. Do you go out with friends a lot?

[Aaliyah]

Well we all have days when we don't feel that attractive. I think that the most attractive thing is a happy vibe. I'm not totally happy right now. Im happy to be out of my relationship, but I am unhappy about losing a baby recently. There must be something about me at the moment that is attractive.

 

Is this issue the only thing you are unhappy about?

 

I have to say there seems to a shortage of good men out there, lol.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your lost, You have my condolences!

 

The funny thing is I have a couple of friends I hang out with from time to time and with them I feel very confident, cracking jokes and very talkative. Yet other times with strangers and people I first meet, I'm extremely the opposite. I'm yearning for something more though than just friendships. Even with friends or family, I still feel pretty lonely most of the time. I know I shouldn't rely on a relationship to make me happy. It just would be nice to find a guy that finds me special and actually gets me as a person, someone I can fall in love with.. I guess it's just wishful thinking..

[mca1975]

I understand. I have always felt a bit of a loner myself even though I do have lots of friends, but I don't have a best friend really that I spend a lot of time with. I think I am more comfortable that way.

 

Always believe that you are special and work on being the same person you are with friends. If someone doesnt like you, then it's their loss, always remember that. There are a lot of guys in this world who are not worthy of you xx

[dwadegirl]

Wow I can relate to you on just about every single thing you just said! I think we have a lot going for us in every single area EXCEPT relationships. For example, I have a decent career (teaching), no children, no baggage. I like going out (even without friends; I'll go out myself and have a drink or whatnot), I've done the online sites (link removed, eharmony, blackpeoplemeet (I'm black american). I may get compliments on my looks but it never goes anywhere. I don't think I'm the epitome of confidence, but I don't think I exude low self esteem either. Basically I feel your pain. I guess it's just the classic: it's not our time yet. To be honest, it's kind of depressing to keep searching for it and not finding anything. I think if we just enjoy our lives and the love we do have (family, friends, etc) then eventually it will be our time. Of course the desire for love and relationship will be there, but for me, not constantly searching for it might keep me more optimistic about eventually finding it. I wish you your heart's desire! Stay positive!

[ATLstudent]

Try to date not online...try meeting people through friends, work, school whatever your into....get more social, go out....just find people your attrached to. Im sure u will find something.

[ScorpiGal83]

ugh. I totally agree with you Aaliyah.

 

Honestly, I have people tell me I'm hot, good looking, yada yada, I'm funny, I am friendly, kind, generous, and I don't judge people.

 

Yet, somehow... I always end up getting screwed over! I give guys a chance and they walk all over me and make me feel like crap. I don't get it. I really don't. Do you have to treat a guy mean so they will want you more? I don't play those games.

 

I feel like no guy will accept me for who I am.

[ledi]

it's possible to be individual, not follow trends etc and still have sex appeal.... if you look sexy, even just in the slightest bit alluring... wearing a push up bra... red lippy, whatever does it for you, then men will recognise you as a woman sexually as well... sounds crap, and as a feminist i used to hate the idea that women have to show off bits of them to be recognised in that way, but it works. Try it.