relationship with the Ex...what should it be like?

[MorgansMommy]

So, my ex and I have a son that is almost two. We have an ok relationship, I guess. We do our best to get along and be friendly to each other, and for the most part it works. Sometimes we have our spats, but are generally able to communicate and interact as parents. My problem is his inconsistency. Sometimes, he acts like my best friend (which I don't want at all!) He'll give me hugs and tell our son how "hot" his mom is. He'll be very polite and when I drop off/pick up ask if I want something to drink or if I want to come in and sit down... very weird. I always say no, but don't want to cause a fight and actually tell him what I'm really thinking (are you crazy?? we divorced for a reason, why would i want to hang out with you!)

 

Other times, he's the complete opposite. He had a bad car accident and has a TBI (tramatic brain injury) and forgets things a lot, so I try to remind him of important things. He even asks me to remind him of things. But sometimes when I do, he flies off the handle and tells me to stop babying him, that he's a grown up and can take care of himself. Sometimes he'll have other things in his life that aren't going so well, and he'll take it out on me and be rude and obnoxious and just awful to be around!!

 

I don't want a best friend, or even a friend out of him. I just want us to be able to drop off and pick up and give the details needed (when our son ate, slept, ect) We should be able to discuss our son without having to act like best friends OR worst enemies! I just don't know how to get this relationship where it needs to be without making it into a huge fight.

[Maverick44]

I was/am in a similar situation with my son's mother. I took a co-parenting course to figure out how to best interact with her. She did not.

 

For my sanity, I keep it pretty business-like and get to the details of what I need. If she asked me what your ex was asking, I'd continue to say no.

 

As for saying how how hot you are, I don't know how I'd react to that. Maybe that's when you say....and you let me go so I guess we don't go there anymore.

 

Maverick

[MorgansMommy]

I try to keep it short and to the point, but sometimes it's not that easy. When I go to pick up, he wont' have him ready, so I am forced to go in and dress/change/feed him before we leave. Most of the time when I pick up, I have somewhere that we're going so I have to make sure all of these things are done before we leave his house. This requires me staying for maybe 30 min. sometimes, and that's if our son is eating fast and not acting up. I'm not sure how to address this though. I've asked him to have him ready, but he will just say that our son needed his sleep so he didn't wake him or something along those lines...

[Maverick44]

While it 'may' be true that he didn't want to wake him up, unfortunately, the situation is just that. He needs to wake up your son and have him ready by the pick-up time.

 

My ex did have our son ready and I had him ready by the pick-up times. You should not have to stay an additonal 30 minutes to do it or you may want to see if you can get the pick-up time changed to allow for that.

 

I do not have a court order at this time. Do you? If so, what does it say?

 

As for the eating, my pick-up time is at 4:00 on Sundays. She has usually given him lunch (not always, though!) and I have snacks ready in the car for him.

 

There won't be perfection in these situations. Usually one parent is pretty good about things, the other isn't. Otherwise, if they were both pretty good, it'd have transferred to other parts of the relationsihp and there probably wouldn't have been a separation. Can't say for sure always...just saying likelihood.

 

That said, YOU will probably have to make the adjustments here to make it work. In the end, with co-parenting, it is putting your childs needs first before anger at your ex, etc...so what makes it so that your child benefits is really how you want to position things.

 

I hope that helps.

 

Maverick

 

Maverick