8 simple rules to follow when in contact with ex & why NC may not work for you

[cherryberry123]

I found this great site! I don't usually trust these type of sites, but I thought the advice was reasonable and something I personally need to keep in mind.

There are many articles on the site!link removed

 

I just copy and pasted the 2 articles I thought were helpful. The italic one is the 8 rules, and the bold is the reasons why NC may not work for you.

 

 

When trying to get your ex back, acting aggressive, needy, pushy, angry or irrational, especially at the onset of the process is usually unwise: emotions flare up, problems multiply and smaller problems become much larger problems. What may have been manageable at the beginning becomes much more intractable.

 

I have read a lot of articles and even books where people recommend going "No Contact" so that your ex misses you and wants you back. But does going NC really bring your ex back?

[Animelover6764]

Interesting.............

[hater13]

This article has many valid points, but I just don't think it's the right thing for me. I did contact my ex 2 weeks into my nc via msn and it was awkward to say the least. He said he had gotten a phone call and then went offline immediately after...

 

So no I don't think contacting my ex ever again would be a good idea. If he wishes to contact me then that's great, I will not make it awkward unlike him.

 

It's as if he was resisting all contact with me so he wouldn't feel he'd made a mistake..

 

I'd want my ex to come back of his own accord not because I relentlessly persued him

[cingularity83]

I want to like that article but something about what it's saying just doesn't seem right to me. As I read it I tried to picture myself in the situations being described and each time I just couldn't connect. Well written article though.

 

All this article is for are people who want to get back with someone who dumped them which goes against what I just wrote in one of my threads saying

 

"That's one of the reasons why it's hard for me to to give relationships a second go round once I have being with someone. Things will just and can never be the same again in my eyes. Something broken and fixed compared to something bought new....there's just that slight difference. Sure the old thing is comfortable because you've had it for a while but the chances of it breaking down again is also greater"

[FootofGod]

My ex left me for an old crush. I have no choice but to wait, at least 'til the honeymoon period is over.

[cherryberry123]

This article has many valid points, but I just don't think it's the right thing for me. I did contact my ex 2 weeks into my nc via msn and it was awkward to say the least. He said he had gotten a phone call and then went offline immediately after...

 

So no I don't think contacting my ex ever again would be a good idea. If he wishes to contact me then that's great, I will not make it awkward unlike him.

 

It's as if he was resisting all contact with me so he wouldn't feel he'd made a mistake..

 

I'd want my ex to come back of his own accord not because I relentlessly persued him

 

Just wait for him to contact you. It's been only 2 weeks NC. I tried to talk to my ex after 1 month into NC...and it was SOOO awkward! After another month or so, he contacted me out of the blue. Since then, he has been warming up to me...a little too much for my benefit.

They need to get over the resentment, and they will eventually start to miss you. My ex was pretty rude to me right after the breakup, I thought he was gone for good. But now, he is the guy I once knew again. We had an open discussion recently, and he told me why he got so angry after the breakup...Even when he tried to be there for me after the breakup, I still was putting him down!

 

I want to like that article but something about what it's saying just doesn't seem right to me. As I read it I tried to picture myself in the situations being described and each time I just couldn't connect. Well written article though.

 

All this article is for are people who want to get back with someone who dumped them which goes against what I just wrote in one of my threads saying

 

"That's one of the reasons why it's hard for me to to give relationships a second go round once I have being with someone. Things will just and can never be the same again in my eyes. Something broken and fixed compared to something bought new....there's just that slight difference. Sure the old thing is comfortable because you've had it for a while but the chances of it breaking down again is also greater"

 

I think that's what reconciliation is...starting a new relationship, not continuing with the old.

 

I think the best chance of reconciliation is being apart for a while to sort out emotions, and slowly start to come back into each others lives. As long as communication has improved and the reason why the breakup occurred has been fixed, I think it will work.

[shoe]

I really enjoyed these articles. Although I strongly recommend NC for healing RIGHT after a breakup, I don't think continuing with it is always the best idea, especially if you're under circumstances that require you seeing an ex (school, work, friends, family, etc etc). Treat it like a new romantic interest. If you have a 'crush,' do you constantly bombard them with texts, emails, phonecalls? Do you always do the initiating? No, of course not! You try to equalize the effort being put in. And if the other person doesn't seem interested, well then, what can ya do? But most of the time if you seem friendly but not too friendly, they'll start to initiate just as much contact as you do. With an ex, you might need to do a little more of the initiating at first (but be careful with how often!), and just like with a new person, it just might not end up happening. That's why you shouldn't do things like this with strong intentions or expectations. I personally don't think you should pursue any 'tactic,' be it NC, NIC, LC, etc etc etc, without truly being convinced that you don't need you ex and could continue living without them. All these methods just make it harder to face reality, which is that in order for any relationship with your ex to work out, you have to move on and treat it as a new relationship. MOVE ON being the key words. That doesn't mean losing all hope and dropping the person. That means realizing that you don't need you ex and are improving yourself as an individual so that you can be ready for a partner again, whether that's a new partner, or an ex.

 

Just another note- how many people ACTUALLY use NC to heal? Isn’t the main reason most people do it is because they want their ex back? Even if it’s just the underlying motive that no one wants to admit, it’s still there. There’s still that hope. NC is not the answer. It’s just another way we people cope with losing someone. Turn it into a game- ‘I’ve been two weeks NC, five hundred points for me, yay!’ and maybe the breakup won’t feel as real. NC is not the only game of course, but I’m just sort of sick of reading ‘NC is the only way to go!’ over and over and over and over.

 

Sorry for the rant/thread hijack! Haha. It’s just my thoughts on the matter. Everyone’s different.

[uncomfynumb]

My ex left me for an old crush. I have no choice but to wait, at least 'til the honeymoon period is over.

 

You have other choices. One is to choose not to wait. Why wait? Take a step forward and another step.

[jimbojones100]

Which articles are we specifically referring to?

[cherryberry123]

Which articles are we specifically referring to?

 

link removed

 

link removed

[FootofGod]

You have other choices. One is to choose not to wait. Why wait? Take a step forward and another step.

 

No, not wait for her, I mean wait if I ever want contact or any chance of reconciliation in the future. If I don't wait, I'm not going to be able to take those steps forward and get over her. I think there's some confusion with the context of the word "wait" here.

[uncomfynumb]

No, not wait for her, I mean wait if I ever want contact or any chance of reconciliation in the future. If I don't wait, I'm not going to be able to take those steps forward and get over her. I think there's some confusion with the context of the word "wait" here.

 

Well I hope you are not waiting on the right time to contact her either. If she broke up with you, it is time to start taking those steps forward and away from her and on to something new.

[jimbojones100]

I pretty much agree with this. I've used NC as a healing tool, but if I want my ex back, it's not going to get the job done, despite what many here preach.